Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Episodes available monthly with a weekly option available via Patreon if you're looking for more!
Oversharing with the Overbys
Lizard in the House and Blue Pill Debates
This week we dive into gardening adventures, backyard wildlife, philosophical questions, and relationship boundaries while sharing personal stories about family planning and wedding decisions.
• Jo confesses to having limited gardening knowledge
• Matt explains the difference between fruits and vegetables
• We share our mosquitoes theories
• Both agree they would choose the "blue pill" in a philosophical hypothetical
• A debate unfolds about the size of a lizard found in our house
• We share our preference for baby names and naming styles
• Advice on setting boundaries with family members during wedding planning, especially when financial support comes with strings attached
• Tips for supporting long-distance friends during postpartum when you can't be physically present
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.
Speaker 1:All right, Hello everybody. Happy you're here this month. We're going to start today with a Nice Crispy. Wow, it really was. That was nice. I really am missing the sherbet flavor.
Speaker 2:Can't get it anywhere right now? Oh, okay, what.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can't get it anywhere.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you could probably get it at Target, but I'm not going to Target, oh okay.
Speaker 2:Got it.
Speaker 1:I haven't been there, I know.
Speaker 2:Neighborhood had like a giant display of it. I saw them taking it down, though, so I don't know what they did with it.
Speaker 1:I didn't see it at Neighborhood when I was there, which I haven't been there Was it in the cooler.
Speaker 2:Did you look in the cooler?
Speaker 1:I didn't.
Speaker 2:They had some in the cooler the other day as they were taking it down off the display because there was people taking it down so I didn't want to. They were doing.
Speaker 1:I'm having a hard time even envisioning the cooler.
Speaker 2:By the checkouts.
Speaker 1:I've never seen Alani's in the coolers.
Speaker 2:It's like the whole bottom row on the right side.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I have, I have, it wasn't in there.
Speaker 2:Okay, got it.
Speaker 1:I have exactly in my mind where I would look for them in that cooler I was having such a hard time, they'd be the very bottom left.
Speaker 2:can I'm?
Speaker 1:with can? No, I'm with you. I was having a hard time seeing that display for some reason Sure, sure, sure. But I went to Harps. I don't ever go to Neighborhood Market.
Speaker 2:Gotcha.
Speaker 1:I'm anti, like, not anti, but like. I really try to minimize my Walmart Target, Amazon, everything.
Speaker 2:Our local grocery store is cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I take part in almost all of it, but I try to consciously yes, yeah, as little as possible if I can get it somewhere else in the time that I need it yeah I will like.
Speaker 2:I will sacrifice convenience to shop yeah, like I still order stuff on amazon, but it tends to be only stuff that is like not available elsewhere readily.
Speaker 1:Yeah anyway, yeah, that I didn't mean to uh pull us into a whole thing about that. What I meant to pull us into is we have a problem what's our problem? So I've been documenting my gardening journey right. I have multiple dms asking me and matt matt is going to think this is funny and he's going to know why. How did I know when the zucchini was ready to be harvested? The problem is I have never gardened produce before Flowers, I can tell you.
Speaker 1:I'm no expert but I can, at least amateurly, novice, tell you about stem cut flowers and plants and things like that. I don't know anything other than the information that carries over what does that mean?
Speaker 2:like there is plant information that carries over from house plants and stem cut flowers to produce that are also useful for yeah, got it.
Speaker 1:But like the harvesting part and the knowing you know when and where and things like that is hard for me, Like not hard, I just am learning.
Speaker 2:I will say a lot of like. Picking vegetables is like. You'll know it when you see it.
Speaker 1:Like I'm realizing how few vegetables I eat.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a different problem that we both have no zucchini you don't want to let get too big. It will just stay on there and it will continue to get huge. You can grow a two foot long zucchini if you want, but the flavor and the texture gets all weird. Yeah, I think they get like mushy.
Speaker 1:basically, okay, they get over ripe are the seeds in them huh are the seeds in the zucchini I think so yeah, why is that how that works?
Speaker 2:yeah, I'm pretty sure, regardless. Anyway, zucchini, like I think, you just pick whenever it's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable um I think, oh man, I was seeing something the other day that I saw a short form video that basically was saying there's like no such thing as a vegetable oh like everything falls under a different category.
Speaker 2:Like Like lots of them are flowers, lots of them are like there's a definition for a fruit, but there's not a great overarching definition for a vegetable. Like lettuce is a leaf. Lots of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Right. A fruit develops from the flower's ovary and contains seeds, while a vegetable is any other edible part of a plant, such as leaves stems and roots.
Speaker 2:It's a catch-all category.
Speaker 1:So it doesn't have seeds.
Speaker 2:No, wait, a zucchini would probably fall down as a fruit.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Check it, it's probably a fruit, just like tomatoes are a fruit.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, it is a fruit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, though there. Yeah, it is a fruit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying, though there's not a good definition for fruit or for vegetables. Fruit is a thing Like plants produce fruit, plants do not produce vegetables. Vegetables are parts of plants that aren't fruit.
Speaker 1:I'm realizing now, so much is clicking in my brain.
Speaker 2:What Tell us more?
Speaker 1:Let us click it out loud, more like click it out loud so well, I've never thought about the fact that. Well, I've been thinking a lot actually with the garden I've never thought about just kidding, it's all I think. Well, well, it's never like slotted into place for me per se. I have been thinking a lot about why does the plant make this? Why can we eat it? Why can't we eat the other parts of the plant? What is it like?
Speaker 1:like I have so many questions if you're determined, you can eat most parts of a plant no, I know, but you know what I'm saying yeah, I do like and as you just described it well, I've been learning about male and female, uh oh, I don't know anything about squash flowers okay the uh female ones are the ones that grow the zucchinis which makes sense, and those are the ones that you can eat okay I don't really know the purpose of the male flower to me. What I'm learning is oh, that's.
Speaker 2:That's like how they plant all those trees, but they only plant like male ones, which like sucks. Well, it sucks, because the other ones like produce fruit and then the male ones just produce pollen and bullshit.
Speaker 1:Well, and the thing is so, a lot of the reasoning behind that is so that they don't have to clean up fruit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is what it started with, but now it's the reason we have higher mosquito populations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, only to discover that they also have to deal with allergies.
Speaker 1:Out the wazoo now, well, and tons of different bugs and stuff that we've never had to deal with before. That's why I think that we have less mosquitoes and things like that at our house is because we have a lot of small bug predators because, of all the native plants that we've planted and our neighbors have bees and there's a lot of things in our ecosystem right around our house. It's not that we don't have any mosquitoes.
Speaker 2:Also, we're just in an area of the country that does not have mosquitoes nearly as much.
Speaker 1:That's not really true from my research.
Speaker 2:Southwest Missouri does not have a lot of mosquitoes. Northwest arkansas does not have a lot of mosquitoes, generally like I don't understand why uh, it might just be because our area does have a lot of like predators in general like because if you go up north, like our family's from Iowa, I wonder if it has to do with us having a lot of quote, unquote, unusable land with the Ozark Mountains and stuff. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Because it's not like they can farm that and turn it into farmland. So we have a lot of native meadows and things like that I don't know. I don't know, but like Hypothesis has been heard, yeah, have a lot of native meadows and things like that. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but like hypothesis has been heard yeah, just like our families from all like up north and iowa, north dakota, minnesota, they all deal with. Basically as soon as the sun goes down, you're overwhelmed by mosquitoes tons of them yeah they're all over the place well, now you know but that's not the case here, like you can go outside after dark and not get bit by a mosquito yep, people ask that all the time when I post things I was being outside.
Speaker 1:They're like how are you not getting eaten by bugs? Yeah like I don't really even think about it they're not that common.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we do have ticks, tons of ticks, which they have ticks up there too but I would love to get chickens for the tick reason. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't want to take care of chickens right now. I have a lot of things I want to do before.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:But you realize you are going to have chickens in your lifetime probably.
Speaker 2:Whatever?
Speaker 1:Is that okay Are?
Speaker 2:you going to have to leave the We'll figure it out, leave what.
Speaker 1:The marriage over chickens.
Speaker 2:No, you'll leave me over something else, long before chickens, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:The chickens are. What do it?
Speaker 2:I guess, the chickens are where I draw the line.
Speaker 1:I'm curious where you think I'm drawing the line that you're saying that I'm leaving well before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know either. I didn't have a plan. I just I'm like I don't want to keep animals. It's fine, we'll figure it out. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. It's not right now.
Speaker 1:Well, I think the reason you feel like I think you feel about chickens, how, like 18 year old me, felt about children oh, not wanting to deal with them. Yeah, just like you, look at your life right now and you can't imagine your life any different yet, and so you were like yeah, no, not for me.
Speaker 2:More responsibility.
Speaker 1:No, thank you, exactly, yeah and I agree with you right now but I am recognizing that I'm going to evolve into more seasons and I'm hoping one of those involves chickens.
Speaker 2:One day, our kids will grow up and leave and you'll feel a hole where there used to be something you had to take care of. Yeah, I'm going to have to put chickens and ducks and you're going to fill it with livestock.
Speaker 1:That's probably not true, because, you know, something that was really good for me is growing up riding horses.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And taking care of some animals. I don't want anything too intense. It's a ton of work, which I know is obvious to anybody that's ever taking care of livestock or animals. They're like well, yeah, but if you haven't, I promise you most people have not and they have no clue.
Speaker 2:And it's every day. All the time you don't get to take a week off, you need to like have someone step in for you. That's how it is with farming and livestock and all that stuff.
Speaker 1:Which we've gotten to. We've gotten into that pretty deep on here before Plenty plenty. But we're a.
Speaker 2:Pro farmer.
Speaker 1:No, I was going to say we're I. I'm trying to figure out how to describe like we're farming twice removed oh, yeah, yeah whatever it is yeah, we're farming adjacent yeah, we're close enough to
Speaker 1:still have a few ties that we have, I feel like more insight than most people yeah, yeah, we're fair, like we're still fairly related to it but we haven't had any firsthand but we don't have any firsthand experience really not even a lot of secondhand I mean, did you hear me talking about my vegetable garden? I have no idea what's going on. Yeah, yeah, I'd be the world's worst farmer yeah how was your week? What do you gotta say?
Speaker 2:my week man I. I've been digging up a lot of rocks in our backyard.
Speaker 1:You have A lot of people asked me if you were on rock TikTok.
Speaker 2:I've seen a couple of them. I'm not on it, I am. I should be participating. Quite honestly, I've got a couple of doozies in the backyard that the problem is I don't have access to a mini excavator, because I'm pretty sure a couple of them are going to require. The problem is, like I don't have access to, like, a mini excavator, like cause I'm I'm pretty sure a couple of them are going to require something. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you don't have access to a mini excavator.
Speaker 2:Why I could do so much cool stuff with a mini X.
Speaker 1:I think that you could destroy a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2:I don't have a lot of faith in putting it back together. Is my issue? That's probably fair and I'd be so mad if I broke something.
Speaker 1:If I discovered where the septic lines were, like I'd be pissed, yeah I know where they are okay but if you're gonna ever be out in our backyard, we have to have somebody come flag them again, because, yeah, absolutely I remember vaguely where they like.
Speaker 2:They run across the back, but yeah I shouldn't need to be doing a lot of digging in that area anyway also some we.
Speaker 1:The podcast is just becoming me saying like we. Oh, what I was gonna get around to is people asking me questions about gardening is hilarious, because I don't know how to express to everybody. I have no idea what I'm doing. Like, don't ask me for advice.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm kind, I'm like I don't know what I'm doing. I following this person, like that's what I say.
Speaker 2:But we're asking my neighbors or I asked Matt.
Speaker 1:I asked Matt about the zucchini. You have more gardening experience than me.
Speaker 2:That's true. My family grew up with a garden yeah, never yeah, my family's never eaten like real produce. No, I'm so serious I know you are, I know you are I'm not saying that as a bit.
Speaker 1:We had green grapes yeah that is the main thing that I can remember having at my house, not often, because berries were expensive that was more like a treat.
Speaker 2:That is the main thing that I can remember having at my house, not often Cause berries were expensive. That was more like a treat as a delicacy.
Speaker 1:Yeah sure. But green grapes, we always had green grapes.
Speaker 2:That's funny Cause I feel like grapes are more expensive than berries now.
Speaker 1:Maybe now this is the nineties. We're talking about like grapes were plentiful. I have no idea. Yeah, cars were cheap, were plentiful and there were no vegetables in the johnson household the dot coms were hitting yeah, we were having hamburger helper and yeah pizza burgers what spaghetti? My mom rocked some spaghetti.
Speaker 2:All reliable.
Speaker 1:We didn't even do frozen pizza.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my family would get down with a frozen pizza.
Speaker 1:We ate spaghetti Like the way.
Speaker 2:I remember it, we hit the Schwan's man up pretty regularly.
Speaker 1:Oh, we did Schwan's yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Did a little chicken patties Leveled up to like like spicy chicken breasts later.
Speaker 1:Swans man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, schwans.
Speaker 1:Schwans man, I can't remember.
Speaker 2:Swans. The swan was their logo, oh that's right, Schwans Was their logo but it S-C-H-W-A-N Word of the week, schwans.
Speaker 1:Schwans, I forgot about. Do they Word of the week, schwan, I forgot about.
Speaker 2:do they still do that? Maybe I don't know. I haven't seen one in years, so maybe not.
Speaker 1:Well, they probably don't do it. They probably ship now, don't they rather than?
Speaker 2:Probably yeah, I guess they've made advances in like the refrigerated delivery space.
Speaker 1:I don't know that it was economical back in the day to ship out frozen food. Yeah, it still distributes a wide range of frozen foods the uh truck um I don't know. Home delivery was later rebranded in 2023 okay so they still do it, just not got it.
Speaker 2:I would guess it's limited yeah, you.
Speaker 1:Now they have a website yeah yeah, we, we did schwann's for sure we did that.
Speaker 2:Ice cream sandwiches, ice cream did they just come door to door.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more or less. That's crazy. Can you imagine somebody going door to door for anything nowadays other than the?
Speaker 2:solar panel people oh. I can't have I ever told the story of my friend hazing solar panel salesman. I don't think so. Tell the people his time has value and that if somebody wants to occupy his time with a sales pitch which most people just go, okay, whatever, like, we'll move on. They have to. He's a big workout guy. They have to row a thousand meters in 90 seconds 330 or 345. Okay, under four, four minutes for sure, which is a pretty aggressive pace, especially good clip.
Speaker 2:It's a good 3 30 is a good clip. Like I can row it. It's not easy. Um at my peak of rowing I could do it pretty I was about to say tell me more anyway, I'm a fairly good rower not to brag, but I'm a good rower.
Speaker 1:This buddy of his thinks Matt could be like an. Olympic rower.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just because I can do a ski erg, you're not a ski erg. I hate the ski erg. Ski erg's terrible, but rowing erg I'm pretty good at.
Speaker 1:Anyway.
Speaker 2:All that to say he's like, if you can do this, in that time I will like hear out whatever sales pitch you have.
Speaker 1:Hear your pitch yeah.
Speaker 2:So most people are like whatever man, like I'm not going to do that, but thanks for just whatever, and. But these two young guys came and probably in their early twenties, maybe even college kids. But this one kid was like I think, they were just like in their early twenties.
Speaker 1:It was college kids, but this one kid was like I think they were just like in their early 20s. It was their first like full-time first gig.
Speaker 2:The one kid was like okay, I can do this. And he said for the first 500 meters he was on track and then he slowly like collapsed. But he had video of it because he has a couple cameras around his house and he just has video of this solar salesman kid just getting absolutely smoked by the rower.
Speaker 1:The thing is, if somebody was willing to try, I would have to hear him out, I would feel so guilty, he still sent him on his way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's like nah man Sorry.
Speaker 1:He said all right, better practice your thousand row.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you put in some reps and come back, yeah, which, yeah, kind of a douche move, but it's a great story, just in general.
Speaker 1:I kind of get it though, like I do and I don't.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's a great line to tell somebody. Yeah, To like get that. You're like hey, I don't hear any pitches unless, like, you can show me that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But like also, what is that metric? No, that's what I was about to say. Why are you stress testing salesman door to door?
Speaker 1:The metric is crazy. Yeah, crazy work, but that's what I mean.
Speaker 2:It's like in theory, he gets approached a lot because he like works out in his garage. Yeah, with the doors up, works out in his garage yeah, the door's up, so like people see that he's there and they come hit him up and that's. I think that's a lot of times he's like hey, I'm working out, this is my time, so like, show me you got that dog in you?
Speaker 1:I don't know again.
Speaker 2:It's a wild metric to test door-to-door sales people, but it's funny I really like.
Speaker 1:I think it's hysterical.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, well, on that note, your week was good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my week was fine.
Speaker 1:You've been digging up rocks.
Speaker 2:I've been digging rocks, trying to transplant grass, because we're getting ready for a birthday party in a few weeks. And we're going to be really yeah, and it's just going to look Muddy, hopefully good, but maybe bad. It didn't look good before, to be fair yeah, no, I, that's why I was like I've rehabbed the now, if you put like straw over it, at least it would look like there's intentional action sure that's true.
Speaker 2:Worst case, like a day before I could go get some straw and look like you seeded it yeah, it looked like something was going on, oh well I've debated just running out and trying to buy some squares of turf not turf, uh, sod okay. When I just heard that, I was like wait what I'm gonna go buy 400 square feet of turf and just cut up the grass and turf it right off the back some people do that yeah I really don't want grass.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of grass at our house. Like how much grass. We have a lot of yard well, I know, but it doesn't need to be, you know yeah, but it has been grass, I understand but what do you think? Do you think we have two acres of grass?
Speaker 2:an acre and a half at least it's way too much grass.
Speaker 1:Yeah, slowly, I'd like to replace it all with, like native plants and things, but not all of it, like I'd like to have some. Sure, just for the function of it like grass is functional yeah, it's just like bad for the environment ours. Well, ours doesn't need a ton of water or anything like no no, bermuda tends to be pretty low.
Speaker 2:It's heat tolerant and low water, but it does create like a monoculture right, and that's what I'm trying to eliminate yeah but it does prevent erosion and doesn't require a ton of water. That is the pro of at least bermuda, which is where we are the primary grass ah, grass yeah, I've gotten more into grass in different seasons of life, but yeah you've.
Speaker 1:You've kind of swayed when we had a small yard I could like take more.
Speaker 2:it seemed more attainable like really getting into the yard. Now we have so much yard that it's either like thousands and thousands of dollars to like really try and make an impact or you just kind of like I'll mow it.
Speaker 1:Well, you do have a tendency to be an all or nothing guy. Yeah, guy.
Speaker 2:It's like to do the yard how I want no-transcript, or I can just run the mower, you know.
Speaker 1:And that would upset me, because I don't even want it to be all no again. That's why we haven't done it.
Speaker 2:It'd be a wildly large expense for something that you don't really even want.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it'd be nice if the grass we had looked good. That's really, I think, what we're going for.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:That we're not replacing it now, so make it look as good as it can, but we're not gonna like really heavily invest in making better grass no yeah anyway, that's a whole. We've talked grass, we've talked rocks, we've talked I don't know, I don't even know what. We've talked gardens, gardens, gardens yeah, it's you know it's summertime, baby. Is it summer? Is it officially summer?
Speaker 1:no, not, not until June 22nd or 3rd.
Speaker 2:Dang all the way until almost July, huh.
Speaker 1:Technically, I'm a spring baby.
Speaker 2:Got it Okay, but. I really, but once school's out, that's summertime.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, like June summer.
Speaker 2:I don't think again. Even late May feels summer.
Speaker 1:I know, but it I don't, I don't think again. Even late may feels summer, I know, but I guess I know technically it's not right summer solstice but that's like how winter doesn't start until like december basically almost christmas yeah it's all which makes more sense to me with the weather I guess so because it's just like you're trying to tell me like late november's not not winter I know it is I, that is fall as hell, I guess.
Speaker 2:Thanksgiving anchors it a little bit Right, Like it feels. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But, christmas being winter, kickoff is the worst, because Christmas is the most fun part of winter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you just have to ride out the rest. Yeah, we don't even live Like. Our family up north has like six months of real winter yeah, their winter really does start in like september.
Speaker 1:We're so old, like what the hell are we talking about weather?
Speaker 2:vegetables weather rocks grass. Yeah, we gotta stop oh man, what's on the docket today? Monty docket? I don't know. I did, I didn't make a docket today yeah, you have emails oh, yeah, no, we got tons of like emails, and especially because it's our big podcast. Yeah, no, we got emails. I think we got some. We got messages all over the place. I bet we're going to go check out what we got.
Speaker 1:Matt starts to check. There's one.
Speaker 2:That's probably what's. At least two. I think there's at least two emails. I'm laughing so hard. You need to refresh this.
Speaker 1:Matt's like it's huge. We've got a whole backlog of emails One, two.
Speaker 2:Hey, depending on us, you know like.
Speaker 1:Tell us about how Matt it could take us forever to answer those questions Matt's really good at counting Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, hi, joe and Matt. Yeah, okay, hi, joe, matt, hope you're both doing well. I wanted to pose a philosophical. Feel it a lot philological, philological. I don't usually get tripped over words, but oh my god it's philological a word you know what? I would guess that it is just based on like them putting it in here, like what a swing to take if it's not a word, not, really.
Speaker 2:Fine, I'm going to look it up. Right now. We're going to interrupt the middle of this question. Phil-o-logist, like it makes sense. It would be a word. Well there's phil-logist. This word has like disrupted my brain. Yeah, ph Philology.
Speaker 1:What is it? Is it about Phil?
Speaker 2:Jesus Christ. Brants of the branch of knowledge that deals with the structure, historical development and relationships of a language or languages Philology.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Anyway, anyway. A man in a suit knocks on your door, briefcase in hand. He tells you that you have to make a decision immediately on behalf of your entire family. You cannot consult anyone. No time to confer, no phone call. No phone calls, no group huddle. You must choose. Now he opens the briefcase. Inside are two pills, one red and one blue. If you take the red pill, you and your family survive, no questions asked. If you take the blue pill and 50% or more of the global population also chooses blue, everyone who chooses blue survives. World peace, utopia, the whole deal. But if less than 50% choose blue, everyone who chooses blue dies. Only the red pill choosers live. Which are you picking, and why?
Speaker 1:blue okay, I, I think I'd go that way too just I mean, might as well like lean in, it's like utopia, or we die, whatever yeah like the.
Speaker 2:Thing is, I guess the alternate world is.
Speaker 1:you take the red, I'm alive with all the red pillars.
Speaker 2:Ooh, interesting. But like, yeah, that's a great point also, because if you're, if you take the red and then, like, less than 50% of people take the blue, all the people that are like let's do this for the greater good die Right, and it's just you and that's a great point. I know what? Honestly, yeah, I feel like you solved this question like I feel like it was supposed to be a philosophical debate. Yeah, that's fair. Like, again, I think I'd go blue too, because, yeah, red's just kind of a dick move and like it's not, like anybody has time to be upset.
Speaker 1:You know, like so many of my choices, where I get really stuck.
Speaker 2:And your whole family goes too right. So like yeah, you're just gone Right. Let me reread that Double check. That Is it. Just you, does your family live on without you?
Speaker 1:No, your whole family Okay great, you're just.
Speaker 2:It's like.
Speaker 1:We decide for a whole household.
Speaker 2:Gonzo got it. Yeah, you know, I'm not that attached to existing, Otherwise it would make me feel differently.
Speaker 1:I guess I'd probably think a little more about it if my family has to live with all the red pillers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like yeah. Red pilling has a whole different meaning.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 2:Just to be clear about. Just to be clear. We're not talking about that specifically.
Speaker 1:We're not into that either, but I'd also like to not live around that either. But it doesn't necessarily overlap one-to-one. No, that's not what I was talking about.
Speaker 2:I'm purely in this world. We should have picked like purple and orange pill okay that would have been easier take the purple one.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be around the orange pillars yeah great, sure.
Speaker 2:No, that I do feel like you've solved it because, like, who wants to be in that world where half the population has died and it's just the assholes left? I don't.
Speaker 1:It's not necessarily you don't have to be an asshole, you can just be like, really into preserving your family I don't understand the but. I don't understand the but I don't understand that.
Speaker 2:If you go blue, well, but Blue, you're taking a risk that Not everybody Like, that more people will take the safe choice than will make the altruistic choice. I don't know that a utopia happens regardless, like I don't know that there's an inherent positive like. The positive is just.
Speaker 2:Like everyone takes, everyone survives if enough people pick blue and if not enough people pick blue, all the blue dies right so I also feel like I would need to pick blue in order to support the other people to contribute again that is, yeah, you're contributing to the but it's it's whether or not you are so protective of your family that you would choose red over blue I guess not and we're not. I just don't think we are. Yeah, that's like. Yeah, I'm just not that attached to existing that it like I want to in. It's the post-apocalyptic. Oh my gosh, I can't talk anymore. Philological killed me. It's like wanting to live in this. It's prepping.
Speaker 2:I don't want to prep Super hardcore.
Speaker 1:You know what I forgot to talk about?
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:We had a lizard in our house.
Speaker 2:We did have a. We can't go there.
Speaker 1:Why let's get there in a second Okay.
Speaker 2:But like I don't want to be a hardcore prepper because I don't want to like survive the zombie apocalypse and then have to live in that world.
Speaker 1:That's fair. No me either.
Speaker 2:With, just like the roving.
Speaker 1:My thing is, though I don't want to die in some like egregious, painful, horrible way.
Speaker 2:And I feel like that is all there is in apocalyptic world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can get ugly, like most of it's getting ugly, unless for some reason you're living to die of, like natural causes in old age, but like nothing's enjoyable to do in the apocalyptic world that I you know like you're given childbirth unmedicated yeah. You're dealing with infections with no way to you know like you're.
Speaker 2:Unless you like get together like a last of us type community.
Speaker 1:But even then you're laboring in the garden Like you're, you're fighting off raiders. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a whole thing that I don't really want to like be around for.
Speaker 1:Like I like the conveniences and safety of the modern world same I wish that, like, we appreciated it more and figured out how to combine that with, like better day-to-day living, and you know sustainable choices but I love the opportunity to like figure that out on my own, not be be thrust into it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. You know, I agree, but I think that's the same kind of like idea.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So anyway, lizard talk.
Speaker 1:Get to that and I'll find another question. We had Matt's parents over for dinner a couple nights ago and I was getting ready to set the table and underneath our dining table was a skink Like a what? Six inch, seven inch skink?
Speaker 2:I have no idea how it was like four inches long. I have a picture of it.
Speaker 1:It was longer than that, okay, okay, four inches long.
Speaker 2:That's fine, we'll get five, we'll go five.
Speaker 1:Four inches is like this baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was like that big.
Speaker 1:Okay, it was the full length of that box you put it in. No, it was not the short side.
Speaker 2:Babe, I think you're blowing it out of proportion in your mind. I think it freaked you out too much.
Speaker 1:I have a picture of it.
Speaker 2:Go look at the picture, babe.
Speaker 1:Okay, babe.
Speaker 2:It was a little bitty box. Also, it was a kid's shoe box.
Speaker 1:It was not a kid's shoe box, it was a jewelry box. Oh, you're right.
Speaker 2:I thought it was one of the kid's shoe boxes.
Speaker 1:You know you come on here and you speak real confidently about a lot of things Confidence Duh. Okay, I know it was as the man who chased and put it in a box. It looked so tiny next to your thumb, Uh-huh. In my house it looked like 12 inches long.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, that's where I was like let's not describe a mythical creature.
Speaker 1:I had the correct box.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Also not a full-size shoe box, though the jewelry box no yeah wow, that thing was a lot smaller than I remembered you're right, you were starting to describe a small dragon like cruising around the house.
Speaker 2:Anyway, she don't want them in the house, totally fair, you got so much more scared than I thought you would, though, like you, really reacted in a way that I was not expecting I don't do well in the house outside reptiles in the house same with bugs yeah I don't do well with it fair enough outside I'm great, like I don't think that I have a fear of snakes and uh, lizards and things like that, because if I'm out in their home we're gucci okay, we're buddies, we're hanging out.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna give them their space, but I'll go check them out like that's like what I'm used to with you and like even when they're on, like the patio and stuff no, yeah, they don't freak me out. I'm like, oh look, you know yeah, fun bugs yeah but then your reaction when it was in the house was like oh my god, no, matt help.
Speaker 1:Okay, but here was my thing. Here's the thing, and this is what I get back to. I'd like to say I was not that crazy, I was not yelling okay was I yelling you were freaked out.
Speaker 2:I know I was freaking out, but I didn't know I was yelling I don't know about, like screaming okay, I. I didn't think.
Speaker 1:I screamed, I was very concerned. I was very concerned. I am not dismissing any of that that you're saying, but I feel like what's happening right now is there's a disproportionate representation of how much I panicked, because I'm generally calm.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so when you saw me elevated, I think that you're acting like I was here.
Speaker 2:Well, you were for you.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:But the way you're describing it people are imagining that I was yeah weird dramatic like you know Fair. Which is fine, but yeah, it freaked me out. But yeah, it freaked me out, okay. The reason it freaked me out, though, is in the house, and then I was fearful of it, like getting away, hiding, not being able to find it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then a lizard just being loose in the house or dead in the house, yeah, Fair enough Fine. I'm learning about living on an acre, like I guess you wouldn't call it an acreage, but like on acres an acreage would be dramatic yeah, I know, I know yeah, living out on a little bit of land that's what we called. My grandparents place like out on an acreage. How many acres do you think of when somebody says that?
Speaker 2:10 at least okay they live like you got to be double digits yeah, they lived on almost 20 yeah, I guess if you had like the right, like seven or eight, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I feel like some of it is the vibe of like, the shape of it, how much like space is yeah in one we really don't have that like people really think, we have a lot more than we online not in real life. If you come to our house in real life. Obviously you know it.
Speaker 2:You'll know exactly.
Speaker 1:But ours is weird because our cul-de-sac only has five houses and everybody is on three to four acres, yeah, and so it's like a big area lots of woods, lots of you know anyway.
Speaker 2:So all right.
Speaker 1:I'm learning about it, though you ready yeah?
Speaker 2:Hi Joe and Matt. First off, love. The pod have been following you since before you had G. Not sure if you remember, but I had sent an email in about my boyfriend proposing I'm from Ontario. So, surprise, he proposed on our eight-year anniversary in the house that they were renovating. So they're living there and get married in the ninth anniversary of dating. So congrats. But that's not the reason for the email. They're asking for my help. They have a pair of light wash blue jeans that seem to have gotten some sort of rust looking state. Sorry, I read in the wrong order light wash blue.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not how they wrote it.
Speaker 2:They wrote it normally and I read it in the wrong order. Light wash Blue jeans. Yeah, that's not how they wrote it. They wrote it normally and I read it like an insane person, because I shouldn't be reading these.
Speaker 1:I guess I kind of liked it.
Speaker 2:Light wash Blue jeans.
Speaker 1:It reminds me of a song but, I can't figure out which one.
Speaker 2:Any country song.
Speaker 1:No, it was like the Cadence Light wash Blue jeans no that's not.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, that was really good.
Speaker 1:That was really good. Don't laugh at that Okay.
Speaker 2:so it's got some kind of rust-looking stain. That's the situation.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Here's what she's tried so far and it's lessened the stain but has not taken it away. How big? I wonder how big this stain is I? I mean, I can't ask questions back really, but anyway, resolve. Oxy action powder, tied sticks mixed with detergent and scrubbed delicate wash regular washed. They've been washed about three times now without the stain being fully removed. Please help. These are my favorite pair of jeans that make me feel put together and work for any occasion. They can't be a cause.
Speaker 1:Can I take a guess before you give your?
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Dawn dish soap.
Speaker 2:Dawn always works, I mean, and the blue is a nice, would be nice because it's blue jeans, but no, I think if it's actually rust, if it's actually rust you're going to want I always Google it. I just Google everything. That's part of my laundry secret is I'm like surely somebody has figured this out, but I would bet you want like vinegar, something that's an acid that'll like break down, because if rust it will have the red is from iron.
Speaker 1:Okay, what Matt just said is why Matt is better at this. He says he just Googles it, but you also understand chemical composition and like what's basic? What's an acid? What's?
Speaker 2:like things like that. I don't understand it as well as I should for somebody that took like several years of chemistry, but I understand it enough I don't think that's true, but yeah, I hear you I just I've taken chem one, chem two organic, one organic, two likeic 2.
Speaker 1:That's more science education than most people I understand.
Speaker 2:I've taken a lot of chemistry and I don't feel like I actually remember or was that good at it. I actually almost failed Chem 1 and Chem 2. That was more of a studying problem, but I was going into chemical engineering and I was like this seems like a bold choice for somebody that can barely pass a chemistry class. But anyway, all that to say, I would say vinegar, like white vinegar. There's probably some concoctions online but something with that. Maybe rubbing alcohol Can always flirt with that Hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, vinegar. But I'd start with vinegar, just because usually if it's actually iron that will attack, if it's actually rust that will attack the iron. That's what I'm saying, I think. Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2:So that's my feel for it.
Speaker 1:Joe, I know you said in the past that you always wanted a big family. With that in mind, did you have specific names picked out before getting pregnant? Were either of you the type of person who had baby names picked out super early, like when you were still in high school or college, or did you not really think about that until trying for your baby? And talking about trying Alongside that, how would you say your naming style has changed as you've gotten older?
Speaker 1:If it has, do you take into consideration the meaning behind the name before choosing, or is it more the vibe? Also, are there any names that you love but won't be using, or any names one of you loved but the other hated? My partner loves the name Bianca for our girl, but I just can't see it. No offense to any Biancas out there. Vice versa, I love Felix for a boy, but my partner says it's an old man's name. Funnily enough, I learned that his dad actually wanted to name him Felix, but his mom hated it and vetoed it. Apologies if you have discussed this before. Would love to hear your name thoughts. Love from Canada. Everybody that.
Speaker 2:Shout out to the North.
Speaker 1:Shout out Sorry for our government. Yeah, well, that too. Okay, I wanted to start with. I was not a list of names, girl when did you start your list of names? Um, when I was in high school and college, I had a single girl name. That's a family name yeah um, that we're not, that we won't use. Uh, my great grandmother's name was Elsa, uh, and frozen ruined it.
Speaker 2:I it didn't ruin it, it just like can you imagine having a little girl named Elsa right now though?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2:I still think it's beautiful but I actually years ago, when it was even more popular.
Speaker 1:Right, Well, I always want that was like when we have a daughter it will be Elsa, Like not we, but like when I, if, if I have a daughter, it will be Elsa. Had kind of been my thought process.
Speaker 2:That was the only name. Elsa is her name.
Speaker 1:Well, that was the only name thought I even had. Other than that, I was like I was never a girl that planned my wedding, like envisioned kids, things like that. And even when I was in high school and college when I had that thought of like, if I had a daughter, I think maybe I'd use the name Elsa. I've always been into family names, I guess is what I'll say is I'm never somebody that listens to names and it's like I really like like people in our lives inspired. Yeah, um. I want to have a tie back to people who have really had an impact on our lives. Yeah, um. So I didn't really have a list early and we didn't really do that much talking about names not none, yeah, but we were not the throw them out there back and forth as frequently people no, we didn't.
Speaker 2:I knew you had a list of, like your top candidates, I I didn't have nearly as much of a a feel for it. I'm a believer that you grow into your name not that your name determines who you grow into, but that what you name your kid you will begin like you'll come to associate that kid's personality with that name. I don't think it has. I don't believe in nominative determinism.
Speaker 1:Yeah. At least Well, and we didn't know what we were having our first pregnancy, so we made a list of boy and girl names. So our second pregnancy we just kind of went back to that list yeah I will say during our second pregnancy we did toy with the idea of not going family related names because there weren't boy names that we yeah loved yeah, yeah, we didn't have as many great boy options, so we we took some liberties and we also had some candidates outside of our actual family name pool. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You have a long list of girl names that I like. That work for both of us, and so really it's just been boy names that we've had to.
Speaker 1:Our girl names have been locked in, not locked in like we know for sure which name. But we've had good candidates we know for sure which name, but we've had good candidates, but we have a list of probably six girl names with middle names that we both love. Yeah, um, and we're good with boy names and everything's pretty neutral, like a lot of them could probably go either way, but yeah boy names are just way harder for me where he came from yeah was.
Speaker 2:You had it as a girl's name I did that's true, um, anyway.
Speaker 1:So that is the the tea. On that I'm trying to think, think Did you ever have like a naming style.
Speaker 2:It's always been family names for you.
Speaker 1:I love surnames. Yeah, once we got to actual like having children.
Speaker 2:it was surnames for me, I was going to say I feel like you've always been a more like classic. You've not been. I like this unique name or new name, like you've had a very pretty traditional name, which is funny, because people think that they're not. They're not, but they're also not like going out of their way to be unique. I feel like I agree.
Speaker 2:Because you can easily fall into this like well, we spelled it this way and it's like so unique this way and being worried about the uniqueness of your child's name. Like I feel like we've tried to give them distinct names, but ones that are fairly traditional. They're not gonna like look weird on a resume, they're not gonna pop for a wrong reason or like makes people feel a certain way like gardner. I don't think gardner is gonna make someone they're to think it's a man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's actually probably true.
Speaker 2:Like they'll think that's a boy's name.
Speaker 1:That might aid her honestly.
Speaker 2:But that's being a white man's never hurt anybody in the US that I'm aware of.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's never been harder, but it's also not that hard. Yeah, that's kind of my, my hot take.
Speaker 1:It's never been harder.
Speaker 2:Like I know there's a lot of like there's thoughts and feelings about that right now, about how it's becoming more difficult, but it's like still kind of what everything's built for. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I was about to say who made that system.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we don't have to. Yeah also, if it's not serving you, we built it sorry. Yeah, that's our own damn fault. But anyway, all that to say like, but it's not gonna make someone be like oh well, what a crazy yeah same with like rory's well, that's why I thought of it for her as I knew.
Speaker 1:I didn't know him, but there was a boy in college that a girl in my sorority married. That's name was Gardner, his first name yeah, I was like, oh, I've never thought of that. And after that was my first realization of a lot of southern people we met. Their names were surnames gotcha their first name.
Speaker 2:Okay, I started picking up. I guess that makes sense.
Speaker 1:I've never thought about that much, but yeah, like I met, um, like I've met a collins, and there was a girl that I went to college with. Her name was day. That was her first name and it was, I believe, her mom's maiden name ah and to me.
Speaker 2:I would just think of that as like da Daisy, or like a more of a hippie name.
Speaker 1:No, huh, and I always just thought her name was so beautiful. Yeah, her name was an alliteration.
Speaker 2:Alliteration yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Like Day yeah, d name yeah.
Speaker 1:Sure, and I just I always thought her name was so beautiful, she was beautiful or is beautiful and I like I don't know, I just really liked that, yeah. But I started to pick up. I photographed weddings of a girl that was named Collins and I was just noticing all of these surnames. I was like I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I do think having a surname, though, grounds you in a more traditional. I mean, you can have a wild last name also, but for the most part you're probably not going to use that then, and otherwise it's going to ground you in a more traditional set of names that you're at least used to hearing more of, even if they're not being used as first names often, which is where gardner falls in, although I guess there are, like I can think of. Like gardner, there's a couple of Gardner athletes, like football players.
Speaker 1:First name.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Gardner Minshew.
Speaker 1:There you go.
Speaker 2:Backup quarterback Gardner something, gardner Johnson something. He's a D-back, I think, for the.
Speaker 1:Phillies. I actually do think that's right, because obviously I noticed that, because it's my mom's maiden name and then my married name.
Speaker 2:But yeah, like it's used, but I can only think of it with men.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, yeah. Not us.
Speaker 1:No, not us. Well, I was never afraid of boy names for girls. No, I was never afraid of boy names for girls no, but anyway, yeah, I'm trying to think Names that Matt told me absolutely not. You're always really nice with it.
Speaker 2:I will say Like we never had anything. Especially if you come to the table with like I really like this name. It's a dick move to be like well, that name's trash.
Speaker 1:Well, also, I just don't think that's a way to approach any kind of name, because somebody's named whatever name you're talking about and I don't even like to put that out into the world.
Speaker 2:Unless it's like Elon's kid. That's like hashtags and wingdings.
Speaker 1:Even then, though, because that's still a kid. No, I understand, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:That's not someone else's name, though, I'm just saying You're not offending anyone.
Speaker 1:That, like your name, is wingdings.
Speaker 2:I yeah, that's true okay, I hear what you're saying, but even then I still like, I just no. I will always say well, not for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I never, ever, ever want to be on record being overly. Anyway, you're really nice with it's all I'm saying, um, but like I love the name bellamy and Matt, like he cannot, he's like, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:Bellamy Overby is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it didn't, and that actually.
Speaker 2:That's a great character name in like a children's book.
Speaker 1:Dystopian novel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but that's a character's name.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Bellamy Overby is.
Speaker 1:I loved Theodore.
Speaker 2:It's not even that bad now that I say it out loud, though, Like I feel like Now he's kind of into it. I feel like I had real takes about it at the time I still am like I don't think that's where I'd go. It's a little flowery for a name. It's a real mouthful, but like even that, I'm not. If we had a kid named Bellamy, I'd be fine with it.
Speaker 1:I guess I've walked back my take. I was about to say you really hated that one For you again this is what I mean, guys.
Speaker 2:The thing is like I have Bellamy is definitely one of those where I have an initial reaction that's like no, I need everybody to know.
Speaker 1:This is what I mean when people are like how do you convince Matt of things? Do you see how that interaction just went?
Speaker 2:Matt convinces himself if he just like thinks about it for 10 seconds himself, if he just like thinks about it for 10 seconds, that's like how did you like, how? How did you make matt okay with you not changing your last name when you got married?
Speaker 1:you didn't even have an initial reaction to that.
Speaker 2:You were no, yeah I will say, like I had a. I had a feeling like huh, why? And then I was like I don't want to do that, like I don't want to change my last name, why should you have to change your last name? And that's all. That's all the logic that I've needed for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and we also had the conversation of, in the moment, the name we wanted to use for our kids, and we had the conversation of what we wanted to be referred to as a family. Yeah, for sure. And so it just wasn't a thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That is interesting, because in the moment you did not even express the I didn't want to express it because you were clear.
Speaker 2:You were like, hey, I'm not going to do this.
Speaker 1:I wasn't asking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't. It wasn't. You weren't asking my opinion for it, so I wasn't trying to provide an opinion on it.
Speaker 1:I just had to go like huh why it like.
Speaker 2:You probably got like huh, why? And then I was like why not?
Speaker 1:you'd probably also. I feel like if you would have had strong feelings about it, you would have wanted to take a clip and think about it and then come back and be like, all right.
Speaker 2:So I've thought about this and I actually especially if it wasn't you weren't coming to me as, like I've been flirting with this idea or like, what do you think about it?
Speaker 1:you're like, hey, this is what's up yeah so that might be part of how I convince matt to do things too yeah, you don't ask. I come to the table and I go yeah, but I also really do trust that if you feel strongly you'll go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I don't like that yeah it's few and far between, but it happens I don't think you make a lot of choices that I'm like, huh no. When you say I don't like that, we don't think you make a lot of choices that I'm like, huh no.
Speaker 1:When you say I don't like that, we don't get into fights about it, we go okay.
Speaker 2:And we either talk about it. No, you're dying for my opinion on most things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm all for it Because most of the time I'm wildly neutral. Yeah, anyway, can you think of any other names? Did you have any?
Speaker 2:names. Oh no, I'm thinking of, like what you thought, or what you thought Rory's name was gonna be. I've talked Booker yeah, booker, I liked that name. I still like it yeah, but at the time you were like no, it sounds too much like booger, we can't do it pregnant me could not take it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which, like I was like okay, they'll call him booger, that's fine, like that's still a name yeah, it's not that bad, but yeah he's such a row yeah like his name's right, but he's a maniac I, uh, I agree that I still really do like that yeah, it works, it all works for him.
Speaker 2:But um no, I again you had like a list of. I feel like it was a much bigger hurdle for you to have a name that you were into than me. So I was.
Speaker 1:I tended to defer a lot to it was funny to hear felix as an old person name, because I've only ever known one felix, and he was a peer yeah really liked him. Great dude. I also knew a kid in high school named sebastian sebastian who was, uh, incredibly well.
Speaker 1:Actually I think in high school he was known for like not being mean, like uh um, but being very like no nonsense kind of like. He didn't like a lot of people I wouldn't say he hated people or anything like that yeah, but he was popular, like he hung with the. He was a couple years older than me but he like, just like didn't he's like I'm good with everybody, but he was always so nice to me, like I remember.
Speaker 1:So I'm like I I always liked sebastian. I'm like, yeah, that's a cool name. I don't know anybody named that, but I put felix and sebastian in the same category for sure yeah they were guys at my school who were a couple years older than me that were very smart and very nice. Yeah, there were a lot of mean, not mean well, no kind of mean kids in my high school.
Speaker 2:They were mean to me yeah, you were an easy kid to be mean to yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not taking it personally like it's fine, but when I thought of Felix, I also thought of Sebastian and I can think of a few other yeah, well, in high school that is an age when, like kids are angsty and like have kind of jaded feelings.
Speaker 2:I feel like a lot and you were an aggressively nice, earnest person even then in that age and so I think kids just don't trust that. They didn't in your experience.
Speaker 1:I don't even trust it at this point. People have questioned me so much. I'm questioning myself. I'm like do I have ulterior motives?
Speaker 2:We have some texts too.
Speaker 1:Reaching out as a newly engaged person, how did you set boundaries on wedding planning? I'm not wanting a huge wedding 150 people or so and I'm struggling with my mother and future mother-in-law wanting to make a lot of choices about everything. Another layer to this super fun situation my mom hates my stepmom and doesn't want her involved in anything. How would you approach including everyone? I really like my stepmom, without all the tension or drama? I'm thinking about wedding dress shopping with everyone and it stresses me out a ton. My perspective now is that it's about my partner and me getting married and so it's not about you, sorry about you. It's tough, and when people are helping pay for some of the wedding and wanting to control it because they are financially contributing, thanks for your guidance.
Speaker 1:Um, so you have to make the decision of the boundaries you are willing to place and what you're willing to give up in order to uphold the boundary yeah because if people are financially contributing and they say, well, since I'm paying, that I want to be able to control that, they can say that, like they can withhold their money or pull their money, it sucks. I don't think that that's a cool thing to do. I'm not saying it's okay, I'm not saying it's not manipulative, all those things, um, but I think for me, in that situation, being where I am now and I say this from a place of privilege and I recognize that I would have probably said you can cut me a check for the amount you're willing to contribute to the wedding. But I'm making these decisions with my partner because it's our celebration about us. And, um, if your choice of things like being included is a uh, what word am I looking for? Uh, stimulant is what's coming out of my mouth, and that's a stipulation.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, if it's contingent yeah, if, if you financially contributing to my wedding is contingent on you making decisions that um you want, then I'd like to know that up front yeah, like I would just have that. Really, it doesn't have to be as harsh as I just said it, that's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I think you I think you almost come with the approach of like hey, are you really, are you trying to use this to dictate the terms? Like, are you trying to support me, but only if I do things your way? Is that really how you want to handle this? Because I think you could have a discussion that way? That's like hey, do you realize that you're basically holding these things hostage? And is that how you want to negotiate this? Because, like that, I would like your support, I would like your help. I don't want you to manipulate the situation, and so I would like it to be about me and I would like to make the choices I want to make. Also, you might just have to be okay with being like then we're not going to take your money on this and we'll scale back or do whatever.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's the same thing with your mom and stepmom Mom's making it about her if she's saying how much she does or doesn't want your stepmom involved. Like, and the problem is there is no way to go about that. I've learned there's no way to go about upholding boundaries with people that isn't initially kind of dramatic not dramatic on your part per se, like you can just uphold the boundary, but a lot of times there's pushback and there's conversation, a boundary- with people that don't have emotional maturity.
Speaker 2:Just sometimes doesn't go well yeah and like that doesn't feel good either. Your best approach, I think, is before the time, like before you, do that be like? Hey, I understand this is upsetting for you. I understand you don't like this person. I do like this person. I would like the wedding dress shopping to be about me. I would like you to be there also. Can you make that work?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I'd like, I want everybody involved, I want everybody to get along. Can you make that work for me?
Speaker 1:I have a dear friend that is getting married this year who called me when she was going wedding dress shopping because she didn't want to invite her soon-to-be mother-in-law. She's like my mom's insisting I have to and I was like, no, you don't.
Speaker 2:No, you don't.
Speaker 1:And I told her too. I said you all don't have kids yet, you all don't own a home yet. You don't do all these things. If you start your life out by bending to these family members demands of you, that is only going to get harder to uphold those boundaries as you create your family create your home have kids, things like that.
Speaker 2:If you set a precedent that you're going to cave.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so that doesn't mean, don't do nice things for people, that doesn't mean don't be respectful. That doesn't mean.
Speaker 2:And I think you're going to have your best results if you come to it and frame it as like hey, this is what I'm asking for. Frame it through you, frame it through your needs, frame it as like I appreciate that you want to support me. Are you willing to support me in things that you might not necessarily agree with, like I think if you can come with that approach and you have even moderately emotionally mature parents, which maybe you don't I'm not good at that.
Speaker 1:That's really good at that.
Speaker 2:I blow shit up and that that is an approach too, like sometimes that like I'm very, very, very conflict averse and that does not serve me. There are seasons in my life where I've needed to have conflict and I have not had that conflict.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't say I blow it up, but you're direct.
Speaker 2:Like I am very direct You're no bullshit on a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1:And that does serve you.
Speaker 2:I don't have to explain everything. I'm just saying like, if you want things to go smoothly, if you're conflict averse like I am, frame it through you.
Speaker 1:Frame it as like help me have this time that I would like to have and to be abundantly clear when I'm direct like that and it hurts somebody's feelings, I still feel terrible, like it's not that I'm direct and you're also very good at repairing and like doing these things and, like you, are a kind person in general.
Speaker 1:Like you, you don't do it for no reason, but you also don't fuck around no, so I don't uh all that to say your wedding's about you which I know you said in your email but at the end of the day, your wedding is about you and the only person that can take that away from you is you, by allowing those things to impact how you feel about all of it and it's really hard. I definitely have. I don't know about regrets I don't have regrets about our wedding or anything like that but like at my core, I really wanted to have a destination wedding, like that was my dream is. I wanted to go to an all-inclusive resort somewhere with my closest family and friends and stay for three or four nights with like 40 people.
Speaker 2:You wanted it, quality time focused.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wanted it all quality time focused and I tried to do that the best I could locally and it just didn't work the same way.
Speaker 2:I think the biggest thing with the destination wedding is like people are trapped. But like trapped is obviously a very loaded word in that. But everybody is nobody's in their home base. Everybody is together, so everybody's on equal footing and everybody's on the same page.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's kind of impossible to do.
Speaker 1:I know Most other ways yeah. But, I'll never forget. I wanted to have everybody come down to the lake after our wedding and like hang out and nobody came.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it was like a lot of people were like oh, well, the ceremony part's done, so we're going to like. That was like one of the saddest Like I remember the night after our wedding just being so sad and I wish that I wouldn't have done it. I mean, I was happy to be married to you, I was very happy about that part, but I had that same thing that I always struggle with. Jc was the only one that came. Yay, best friend.
Speaker 2:Which we kept, like we kept our friends that were there, very like we kept a very short list of people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I didn't take that personal, like it was not, I don't know. Anyway, my thing was that I wanted that time. That time yeah. And it just didn't work that way. So all that to say, do what you want to do like I tried my best to like recreate what I wanted, while also considering all these other stipulations from other people, and I wish I sometimes wish I wouldn't have done that yeah and it was pressure I put on myself, because it was pressure.
Speaker 2:And nobody asked you to do a lot of these things. No, I did it because you were trying to make everybody included. You're trying to do everything for everyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And, in the end, you end up making compromises that you wouldn't have made now.
Speaker 1:Right, I think, is where it ended up Exactly. I would agree with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, anyway, hopefully that was helpful. Congratulations yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2:Again, there are ways to do it. Hopefully, the way we've talked about it helps you have those conversations yeah and uh, I don't know if it goes really shitty, just elope, you'll save money, you'll save time, you'll piss off people that are annoying in your life anyway.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I do look back and I think maybe it would have like eloping, while I think, oh man, what could have been? At least I'm not thinking about what wasn't you know. Yeah, like that sentence didn't make sense, but it did in my head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because, honestly, the people that get really upset they weren't invited to your wedding or really upset that this thing didn't include them in the way they wanted, that tells you a lot about them. It doesn't really say anything about you because you did what you thought was right at the time or that you wanted to do. If they continue to hold on to it, that's probably not a person you wanted around in the same capacity anyway. I agree, like we've had some of those interactions post our wedding also to hold on to it. That's probably not a person you wanted around in the same capacity anyway. I agree, like we, we've had some of those interactions post our wedding also very few though not many.
Speaker 2:Most people that we got along well with were understanding, even if they were upset. I had friends that were like I wish we would have been invited to the ceremony. Whatever they're also like, it's okay, like right like that hurt my feelings, but it's not something it's not about me, yeah like you, did it your way, and then you know and we've continued to be friends absolutely um another text message you're gonna go again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right. Any tips for supporting your long distance best friend in postpartum? Everything I've heard is clean their house, cook for them, bring, bring coffee over. But I'm in med school and can't justify a flight home for a weekend when the baby comes. I know she'll understand, but I still want to help her out.
Speaker 1:Let me think about this. It depends on the person. For sure, I think any kind of little care package, things that will make them slow down and think about themselves, taking any mental load off the plate, is huge.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I'm trying to think of things like my best friend we don't live in the same place, my best friend, we don't live in the same place and so she planned a night to FaceTime with me at the end of my pregnancy, while I cleaned my closet, because that was something that I really wanted to get done.
Speaker 2:Wow, that is wild. There's a cardinal just sitting on the rain chain right outside the window.
Speaker 1:Like, right by our faces.
Speaker 2:It's like a nature documentary.
Speaker 1:Our house has been a nature documentary.
Speaker 2:It's not raining today, by the way, no rain. No rain for like a whole week. It's been crazy.
Speaker 1:They're like a fox has been running in our yard like on a two to three times a week basis. We eat dinner and there are deer like right outside.
Speaker 2:The dogs freak out Just hanging out with us.
Speaker 1:It's been a wild time.
Speaker 2:All right focus.
Speaker 1:Sorry.
Speaker 2:Postpartum support.
Speaker 1:She scheduled a time to FaceTime with me while I cleaned my closet and did some of those tasks, because she couldn't be there to help me in person. Yeah, which I know sounds kind of silly, but it made it kind of fun. Like we planned it. We planned kind of what we were going to hang out and talk about and do and you know uh. So things like that I think can be really helpful. I think regularly checking in and having kind of a pulse check is really good.
Speaker 1:Uh, I'm trying to think yeah I just like to know people are thinking about me. Yeah, obviously, that is usually all it's not. Like you know. People are thinking about me? Yeah, obviously, that is usually all it takes for me.
Speaker 2:You know, pay to have their house cleaned from afar or whatever. That's huge. Like there are things you can do financially, but it is pretty financially driven if you're long distance. It's like you could pay somebody to clean their house. There are things that way, but obviously when you're in med school, your time may be more available than your funds.
Speaker 1:I don't know your funds may or your time may not be available.
Speaker 2:You probably don't have either, but, like some, things just may not be in reach, so there are options you could think about. That way you could just send a $30 coffee gift card or a DoorDash gift card, chatbooks, a gift card for chatbooks I think is always a really cool gift.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that if it is a best best friend and they're texting you like play-by-plays of milestones, those first few months, write down the dates and stuff for them and write down tracks and things for them and as they send you pictures, like putting that together into a little book for them or yeah, that is.
Speaker 2:I think that's a good call, Like things like that can be really meaningful. Keep track of things. Help them keep track of things in that time. Do it.
Speaker 1:And they might be doing it too, and that's okay. But it's fun to have it from your perspective as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah as well. Yeah, yeah, if you can. Just little intentional things. So, like I said, there's from long distance.
Speaker 1:Financial tends to be more the side of it, but um, I think just giving people a lot of grace is important in that season too yeah, yeah I loved a voice memo, just being like hey, I'm thinking of you, I'm really proud of you, like you know these are all the things that you're doing really well right now. Give me some words of affirmation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really depends on what the person you know yeah, maybe you can reach out if they have local family, see if they have thoughts or ways you could contribute. But um I think those are good ideas. Yeah, all in all, just be there and also be cool with them, not necessarily being there in the capacity that you're used to. Yeah, I agree so I think we've run pretty long okay, okay, sorry everybody, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1:But we just like to chit chat.
Speaker 2:You know we do, we do little chit, so hopefully we got we got through a lot of our messages, so if we missed you, I think hopefully the the ones that were sent more towards the middle of the month, you guys know where to find us the rest of the month. That's true.
Speaker 1:Patreon. It's $4 a month. Yeah Uh, we hang out. We're weekly, it's fun, we chit chat. I've been doing giveaways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have. Um, yeah, yeah on that note so well, we'll see some of you guys in the next few weeks and otherwise we'll see you next month. Bye.