Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Episodes available monthly with a weekly option available via Patreon if you're looking for more!
Oversharing with the Overbys
The Rollercoaster of Expectations - Parenting Lessons
This week we negotiate the real ups and downs of pregnancy and parenting, sharing personal stories and insights of how we have navigated our experiences on our way to baby number three. We talk about how our previous experiences have shaped our expectations this time around and the unique challenges we're expecting this go around.
This episode we get into:
• Personal updates and reflections
• Navigating prenatal depression during pregnancy
• Preparing other children for a new sibling
• The differences between pregnancies and their effect on our mental health
• The decision to find out the baby's sex and its implications
• How to approach parenting gender differences
• Creating a supporting environment for older siblings
• The impact of identity on parenting
• Finding joy in the chaos of growing families
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing. I don't know, maybe it makes more noise I am. On a Papa Roach kick or what?
Speaker 1:Well, I think this morning, instead of just lifting weights, I went on a walk first and then lifted weights and that little walkty walks having me feeling jazzercise. I've only had a sip of this, probably not going to drink much of it because I'm not feeling like.
Speaker 2:Fair enough.
Speaker 1:I never finish a whole one anyway. I normally drink like what At most.
Speaker 2:Half I was going to say two thirds at like a top tip top, and if it's two thirds, I've probably drank a third of what you drank when I wasn't looking in progress to that two thirds yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's good to know.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, I know you're ever drinking more than half of one of those.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I'm not good at drinking just beverages.
Speaker 1:There's a whole water I do well with and that's about it that's good um, you don't have my abilities no, I don't, it's just to slam a carbonated beverage or any kind of beverage.
Speaker 2:That's true. It doesn't have to be carbon anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah you can. You can slam some liquids for sure.
Speaker 2:It usually backfires when it comes to alcohol.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Matt's back on his keto shit.
Speaker 2:I guess yeah, something like that His intermittent fasting shit, I've been doing an aggressive fasting thing for the last few days. But let's not talk Matt's food nonsense.
Speaker 1:I wasn't trying to like. You don't have to go into details.
Speaker 2:Matt's disordered eating. That's how we're going to start getting off the podcast. No, I just feel like you've been off your wagon for a while, yeah, since December really this week you have been it was the holidays we had that wedding, and then I just rolled it to the holidays and then I just kept picking new holidays to start over again. And now it's.
Speaker 1:You really think that that's when it. I think this has been going on for almost a year now.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've been cycling on and off but like I had been going well for a couple of weeks and then we went on that wedding, so you've done a ton of that.
Speaker 1:I'm so.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to give context. It is disordered eating.
Speaker 1:Matt, well, no, no, no. You don't even know what I'm going to say yet.
Speaker 2:No, we're making it a subject.
Speaker 1:Let's roll In 2018, Matt read a bunch of research around brain health, eating, high-fat diet and Parkinson's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what started all of this. Yeah, neurohealth in general yeah and neurohealth health.
Speaker 1:So matt's dad has parkinson's and from what information we have, it seems like it is a very uncommon like form of parkinson's that is genetic. It's only like two percent of parkinson's, like park, I think it's five or less percent of parkinson's is genetic yeah, anyway, matt's dad's um is, and matt nor his brother have ever had genetic testing done or anything done.
Speaker 2:But not that can actually pinpoint that at this point right, I've had some genetic testing done, but I don't think it has.
Speaker 1:I don't think it screens for that specifically, or maybe it does, but I didn't inconclusive but you've had resting tremors since middle school at least yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as long as I can remember Really, yeah, and so you're.
Speaker 1:You've always been conscious of different things you can be doing for your health. Just to like optimize what you can do on your end.
Speaker 2:For sure. Well, I mean.
Speaker 1:I don't want to sit here and pretend that I have Parkinson's without any kind of diagnosis. No, no, that's not what I'm saying either.
Speaker 2:I want to make sure that it's very clear up front that I'm not like. Well, since you have this kind like I have this kind, I don't. As far as I know, I do not have Parkinson's. I do have a resting tremor and my dad does have a genetic form of Parkinson's. Those two things do not necessarily like mean, you can have a resting tumor for a lot of reasons.
Speaker 2:You can have a brain tumor, which I don't have. But um, like, anyway, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I have Parkinson's and like have a bunch of advice for it.
Speaker 1:I hope that that's not how what I just said, no, no, no, I don't think it is, but it's something that I try to be.
Speaker 2:I try to be really conscious of it, because totally I don't want to sit here and like tell people I have parkinson's when I do not know if I have parkinson's and there's not like uh I know, but like yeah the thing about you saying is I'm like, I don't think you ever said that. No, just when we say it like I have a tremor and my dad has, like that's a really easy dot to connect, that has not been connected, correct?
Speaker 1:So I just want to be super clear.
Speaker 2:Well, that's why I said you haven't had any kind of and realistically, especially if it's a very early onset form of Parkinson's. They usually progress very, very, very slowly and so, like my dad had a resting tremor when he was, you know, at the same time, like when he was young like basically as long as he can really remember um, and he was not diagnosed with parkinson's until his late 50s yeah, I thought he was 60 maybe he was 60 I'm not telling you, I don't know I forget how old he is, so like I don't really know, but like that can't be right, he.
Speaker 2:It had to have been late 50s yeah because he got diagnosed in 2015 yeah, so late 50s, um and so, and that was really because he was starting to have like some other um symptoms. But all that, to say one of the best things you I'm like you've really explained that. Yeah, anyway the research, a lot of research that uh goes into like very early onset parkinson's, whether or not I have it, not really something that is relevant. But one of the best things you can do is stay in good health and so maintain muscle mass, maintain ability.
Speaker 1:Do the things that help you with long-term health, no matter what.
Speaker 2:But basically one of the issues is you will lose that if you have the ability to but like, the longer you maintain all that stuff, the healthier you will be. So it's just anything that I'm doing would would just be to like be more healthy in general, which would help me.
Speaker 1:Yes, but what I'm getting at is in 2018. Oh yeah, yes, but what I'm getting at is in 2018, matt did a bunch of research because a study came out talking about high-fat diet in relation to neurohealth, and you did a lot of research and you found that keto eating for very specific people and things in the category that you fell into was possibly better for a lot of things, and so you decided to try it out, because you wanted to see if it made you less foggy.
Speaker 1:You wanted to see if it was something that helped you just reach a lot of your goals. I didn't feel like we needed to give it that much.
Speaker 2:No, but anytime, anytime we we talk about this, I end up on like a five minute tangent where I have to like caveat every single thing I'm gonna say for the next however long I know I'm trying to get you to stop that's a bad habit.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm not trying to say anything. I was just trying to say why you hadn't interested it yeah um, but you've been eating keto since then.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So he started that in 2018, and other than maybe a holiday here or there, sometimes you stay on keto Most of the time.
Speaker 2:I for for many years, I did not take any breaks from it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it wasn't really till.
Speaker 2:We had kids. Yeah, I would say that I took any kind of extended tangent. Well, and you?
Speaker 1:found that it really does make you feel better, not just physically, but it makes you feel mentally clear. I did it with him at the end of 2018, beginning of 2019, and I'm actually banned from not eating carbs.
Speaker 2:You yeah, you didn't care about any of the. None of the benefits made you feel better and all of the negatives were like.
Speaker 1:I got I'm not doing this, Skinny and I had good energy and you're like I'm so mad. I was the most mentally miserable I've ever been in my entire life. This body is meant for cinnamon rolls.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think you were just like all you could think about was carbs. And you were like I for cinnamon rolls. Yeah, I think you were just like all you could think about was carbs. And you were like I'm the least happy I've ever been it was the worst six weeks of my life.
Speaker 1:I've never been like uh, culturally speaking, like hotter I mean I. I was ripped up, I looked great and I don't care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were like it's not at all worth it.
Speaker 1:I'm much hotter when I'm happier. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, some people have sayings about how being hotter is better than eating or whatever Wrong. Cinnamon rolls are absolutely not. Cinnamon rolls are way better than being hot, sign me up for the exact opposite, yeah. You're like if this caps my hotness, that's fine. I could not care opposite. Yeah, I so I've not. You're like, if this caps my hotness, that's fine.
Speaker 1:I could not care less.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Uh, I uh did not do well with it. No, but that's okay. It's different things for different people and I do still.
Speaker 2:I'm fine with eating meals and stuff that are Individual meals, meals and stuff that are individual meat. You're just not like, you're not.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna do this all the time no, but like if you're just eating eggs and sausage, for breakfast I'll have egg, sausage and toast yes, yeah, yeah it's not that hard to work around no, it's not hard to add carbs also like if you, yeah, if I make food, you're like great food no, exactly, you're not a picky eater in that?
Speaker 1:well, a lot of people have asked how that's worked, since I don't eat that way. They're like well, how do you juggle? And I'm like well, I just add a complex carb or a non-complex carb to the meal that we're eating, or Matt eats it without whatever. Right, or Matt will make his with a keto-friendly pasta and I'll have normal pasta.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Whatever keto friendly pasta, and I'll have normal pasta, yeah, whatever it is. Whatever it is, it's not hard, um, but what I wanted to say was this past year is the first year that you've been. I think you've been off keto more than you've been on it.
Speaker 2:Probably, it's very possible.
Speaker 1:And this is the first week that I feel like I've seen you really like he's Matt's back on his grind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh good, the UPS man's going to come and look at us through the window, I'm sure um the ups guy.
Speaker 1:No, I'm like in the several years since doing it.
Speaker 2:It's done a lot of things in terms of like I. I do think it's good for people with adhd and some other stuff like just for me independently like it I don't think it's good for women, like I think there's like a ton. No, there's like you have to be like, very careful about it as a like woman and hormonally?
Speaker 1:I don't think yeah women need. It's like fasting.
Speaker 2:There's different ideas for fasting with women and like it's similar concept basically but everybody's different um, for me as a man who has adhd like it has helped me a lot in terms of like, even before I was medicated, when I was really on top of my diet, has helped me a lot in terms of like, even before I was medicated, when I was really on top of my diet. It helped me a lot more with focus and um not crashing and stuff I it was. It was good for me in a lot of capacities beyond potential neuro benefits. I guess that is a neuro benefit if you are wired like I am, but yeah, anyway, yeah, I'm back so far this week, so one day at a time.
Speaker 1:Well, we just took up 15 minutes of the podcast just to say something that I thought was going to take 90 seconds. Great job.
Speaker 2:Well, you brought up food, and so that's given my disordered nonsense eating, I'm immediately panicked. Yeah.
Speaker 1:What have we been up to? Well, that's, that was my weekly update. Is you've been?
Speaker 2:yeah eating well for the first time in a minute we're recording like in advance of the release.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and I'm, I'm more on a routine again, finally like meaning like for I feel like maybe for a month or so now. Well, what I want to talk about today and this will kind of segue into that is I want to talk about pregnancy one, two versus now that we're approaching the end of pregnancy three. Like similarities, we've seen differences.
Speaker 1:We've seen like oh yeah choices we've made that have been different and how those experiences have been.
Speaker 1:But now that we're approaching the end of this, I feel like I did not struggle this time with prenatal depression, but it's that same thing Every time I'm pregnant. My energy levels are so low and I really start to question my identity toward the third trimester, where I'm like am I just somebody that is very low energy and can't get anything done, and is my house always in disarray like this and am I bad at my job? And like I really start to question a lot of things about myself. And now I think I'm more in a four to five week period where I've been back to consistently enjoying and creating content. I feel back on a schedule. Our house is much more picked up and maintained because you're not shouldering doing everything on your own, and so I think this week I've just been feeling good as finally being back into semi-routine, normal energy levels, which I know were, you know, a short period of time away from all of that being yeah, this is very possibly our last public podcast before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would guess we'll catch the beginning of April, but I don't know, we'll see. Yeah, you might have a 39-week pregnant podcast now.
Speaker 1:I assume my kids to be late is a better mindset for me and then be like I've never had anybody come, like neither of them have come early.
Speaker 2:but no, you were induced both times.
Speaker 1:I'd rather be surprised, and it be early, cause I do feel fairly prepared, like I don't feel any less prepared than I did with the first two.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Like I am at the same level of prepared right now as I was the first time baby came.
Speaker 2:But with, also with two, two babies of experience under your belt too, so like you also know what level of preparedness you need to be, Well, and we've never been that we have the things that we need.
Speaker 1:We've never been hyper prepared. Parents Like we're not the ones who stock the diaper caddy and get the room ready and do the whole nine yards. No, we're, we're lucky to do that for the kids. Ten yards, the whole nine yards. Okay, it was right, and when it came out I felt not, I was like I don't know, sorry like this phrase doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:I was like it didn't feel right it doesn't feel right now that you've been repeating it, but it is the whole nine yards, okay but we, we have not been as good at that, and this time I am prioritizing that and trying to like really be in my eyes what is overly prepared, because it does make things easier to have things set up that way but if, for some reason, that's not the trajectory and we have a baby early and I feel like we're pretty ready and so I always assume late, like I booked this week, a floral uh stem cut floral class with a local uh flower farmer that's putting on a workshop.
Speaker 1:It's two and a half hours long and I'm going to go.
Speaker 1:I think I'm like 39 weeks, three days or something like that and the tickets were not inexpensive, like it was kind of expensive, but it comes with a seed tray and I can go pick that up or send somebody to go pick that up, even if I can't go for some reason. But that last week well, it's not hasn't been the last week for me either. Time has been so miserable because I don't schedule anything, because I'm like the baby could come at any time.
Speaker 2:And then you're bored for the whole week.
Speaker 1:And I'm bored and I am just sitting there thinking about it, and so this time I was like one of two things can happen. Well, I mean, I know. Any number of things can happen, but most likely these two things Most likely one of two things can happen is we have like I can't go because I'm in labor or I have had a baby or whatever, or I can go and it's a nice thing and I was like you know what. Neither of those are bad situations. I'm going for it.
Speaker 2:You're going to get so many questions there from people that are like, oh, how far along are you? And you're going to have to be like well, due date is in three days.
Speaker 1:In this workshop.
Speaker 2:I want somebody to be on the ready.
Speaker 1:Well and it. I remember when I was my first pregnancy, I went to a baby shower and they were like oh, when are you due, due? And I was like three days ago yeah, yep um, but you kind of have to go about your normal, yeah, in some capacity.
Speaker 2:It's a little crazy that you bought tickets for something like baby shower was happening, with or without you?
Speaker 1:yeah well, this workshop's happening, with or without me absolutely but you.
Speaker 2:But you had to buy in, you didn't have to buy into a baby shower.
Speaker 1:But it comes with seed, like there are things that you're purchasing other than the education.
Speaker 2:Sure, it sounds like maybe.
Speaker 1:And regardless of if I have to go, I'm thrilled to have supported this flower farm.
Speaker 2:All right, there you go.
Speaker 1:I feel okay about it.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:If I can't go go, I'll send our neighbor, who I'm going with, and chloe, our sitter, who I know would love, and she can learn the things of the class and bring them home to do yeah, I mean plus.
Speaker 2:You'll be like freshly had a baby, so it'll be good that she can do them for you for a while yeah, see yeah I've got ideas full ideas. Some of them are even good.
Speaker 1:I'm really excited. Okay, do you have anything from the week that you want to?
Speaker 2:No, not really. Just weather's been nice. I'm rebuilding a chainsaw. It's only half built right now. I had planned to use it today. Doesn't seem like I'll have a chance, but I'm going to have to go get parts.
Speaker 1:But you're not going to go get parts today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're a little busy, what you're going?
Speaker 1:to do today is work on. You're going to get the butterfly garden where it needs to be. That's what you're going to do, yeah.
Speaker 2:I am. I know that's not what you want to hear.
Speaker 1:And then you're also going to cut out all of the stuff from the rock bed out front and get it covered in plastic so that we kill off and it's ready for stem cut, hell yeah and then you're going to fix a chainsaw in whatever time you have left yeah, I love outdoor gardening stuff.
Speaker 2:It's my passion.
Speaker 1:Everybody knows that about me I would like it noted, because how Matt's reacting right now, this is one of our biggest points of contention, because there it is podcast fight. No, it makes me feel really bad and I especially don't like it when he does it forward facing like this, because I know we've had conversations about it and he has insisted to me in private that he wants me to just tell him and that he is like warmly willing to do these things and wants to like I just want to work on that chainsaw, you know I know and I understand why, and I too want you to be able to work on that.
Speaker 2:I do prefer it when you're like, hey, I need you to do this thing, rather than like we're going to do it because I know we're going to do. It is especially when you're 34 or five weeks pregnant.
Speaker 2:If I wasn't sure it would be a we, yes but like we are in a current phase, right now, where we is is heavily weighted towards the, the physical aspect I can come out there and I'd love to supervise perfect well, soak up some rays well and I am trying to just be honest with myself, because I'll get out there with a rake and you'll give it a good four minutes.
Speaker 1:You're gonna be like I wasn't even, I wasn't even gonna give myself four minutes, you're like I'll just stand there with the rake and then think about it yeah, and it's not intentional. I go out there with every intention of oh yeah I don't think you're going out there to pretend.
Speaker 2:If you're gonna pretend, you just don't go exactly. Yeah, but realistically I know that it's yeah, you're very yeah you're at least transparent where you're like, hey, I don't have it, I'm not gonna go no, and there's really not that.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's gonna take you that long well, yeah, maybe matt when he cut the stuff back, acted like that was gonna take him forever. Cutting the stuff back acted like that was going to take him forever cutting the stuff back is different than tearing grass out of the ground.
Speaker 2:That's not as simple of a project okay, well, you could. Just, I can't just take some clippers up there and clip the grass out of the ground you could start with the leaves great, then I'll get to the grass.
Speaker 1:That'll be faster anyway, crazy I don't do well with when matt tells me yes, do it like this. Yes, I'm happy to do that. And then when I bring it up, yeah, I just okay, I'll pretend to be excited about it.
Speaker 2:I'm pumped. I'm pumped to go do it. I'm excited to take grass out of the ground. I'm excited to clean it all up. Leaves, areaves are my passion. Grass is my first love.
Speaker 1:You don't have to say that you could just be really excited about how happy I'm going to be about it.
Speaker 2:That is probably the only positive for me. But yeah, here to support you.
Speaker 1:And then you can get back to the chainsaw.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep.
Speaker 1:Because you haven't, but you spent all day yesterday on the chainsaw.
Speaker 2:I spent an hour and 15 minutes on the chainsaw yesterday.
Speaker 1:Oh, is that really it?
Speaker 2:Yep, that's it. That's all the time we had childcare. I went 15 minutes overtime. That's actually true, because when she left then you went in to do dinner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I made. She left. Then you went in to do dinner. Yeah, I made dinner and gave the kids dinner and did all of that so that I was inside for dinner I know, but I was trying to make it so you could keep working on your.
Speaker 2:You did good. That was fine. I ran out of parts like I didn't have anything to do.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't have said all day, because I didn't mean all day when I said that, but I meant all afternoon, like it was.
Speaker 2:It was an hour but it wasn't that long. I Felt like it though.
Speaker 1:I really did think it was longer than that.
Speaker 2:No, it's alright.
Speaker 1:No, that's okay. I'm sorry that your time was cut so short.
Speaker 2:You're fine, it was not. I thought it was going to go faster because I thought I had all the parts and I don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Also, it's very dirty that chainsaw. Yeah, I ran a fiber optic cable from the office to the garage Did that. If anybody's curious how my networking is going, it's peak speed right now. The nice part about fiber is you can't Remember when our house got struck by lightning and it cooked stuff in the garage too. That won't happen with fiber, so that's one of the major benefits also is that it protects you from that that's awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, do we want to to dive head first?
Speaker 2:should we talk about a baby thing like?
Speaker 1:I guess that was our whole like thing that we were gonna transition in, but then I it was my fault, I know oh, I went butterfly garden and then I went on to try and pretend like you spent just a whole lifetime on a chainsaw when it was like 22 minutes.
Speaker 2:I went six and a half hours on the chainsaw yesterday. No, that's literally Still not together.
Speaker 1:I guess to you that sounds ridiculous because you're like well, it would be put together by then. But to me, I you don't know be could take three days for all I know, well, we're on day two I think that really is men, and projects, though is they're like well, they don't know how long it takes. So oh like not you you're not that way, because you could never like. That's just not your vibe. You're pretty up front, you know.
Speaker 1:But I wonder if that's a lot of men who project I have a problem like I have trouble stopping a project, so I don't really try to extend them I try to get them done in the most like to my standard, but as quickly as I frustrated when a project is started unplanned because matt will open up the um, whatever it is, and there there will be parts like all over the kitchen counter and there will be like little tiny screws or the vacuum head apart earlier this week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, now I don't have a vacuum?
Speaker 1:Well, I do. We have multiple vacuums. But the vacuum that I like is no longer.
Speaker 2:Yes, our most convenient vacuum.
Speaker 1:It wasn't operational prior, though, because it was broken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was a tear in it. I didn't break it apart for no reason at all. I tore it apart. I want to be clear, because I have broken things apart for less reasons that weren't very broken. That became very broken as part of the teardown process. Most of the time those go back together. I don't know that the vacuum is fixable it's. I'm finding out that I may be just replacing the part.
Speaker 1:I'm dying laughing at the idea that like it was like a perfectly operational vacuum and Matt just like got caught up in the need to tear it apart.
Speaker 2:No, stuff that works I don't usually break apart. I don't need to know how things work when they're working. When they break, then I have a need to know how they work.
Speaker 1:See, I disagree, though, because it's not about them working. Matt has to feel like they are working in peak efficiency, so like the internet, for instance, never works in our house, because every time it's working really well. Matt's like hmm, I think I could make this better.
Speaker 2:Okay, you and the internet just are not compatible. That's what I've found. Nobody else is having these problems but Jo. Interacting with just any technology in her home, she's like it's a piece of crap and it doesn't work. Nobody else who comes in and out of our life has any problems with it, I get compliments on it at times, but you're like who's complimenting you on our internet?
Speaker 2:okay, just let me have this hater anyway. Yeah, so the internet's a piece of crap. Let's talk, babies. If this is your first podcast and you made it this far, amazing, amazing um, okay, currently pregnant with baby number three yep. Yep I have two others.
Speaker 1:We have two others.
Speaker 2:Surely from context they've gotten that, but we're going to spell it out here.
Speaker 1:I was pregnant with baby number one when I was 27. Had her just before my 28th birthday, Baby number two at 29. And had him when I was 29. That whole pregnancy took well, no, I think. I found out I was pregnant when I was 28.
Speaker 2:So like right before my birthday. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then this time I am 31. I have been 31 this entire pregnancy. And you will be 31 the whole time yep yeah, so uh, anyway, I don't know if any of that's relevant, but I was just trying to give context.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, we were team green, the first two which is to say we did not find out the sex of the baby prior to birth.
Speaker 1:We yeah, and then, and this time, we chose to find out Yep. And so, really, what I wanted to get into today is like differences, similarities, what's been the same, what's been, because, first and foremost, the number one question I feel like I get asked is if my pregnancies were different with my daughter versus the boys.
Speaker 2:Oh, we're having a boy this time. Yeah, as well. So we went girl, boy and now boy again. And no, I was going to say I don't know that you've not in any significant fashion. I had like you've been sick every time. Um, like there were differences between pregnancy one and two, definitely, but I think that was more to do with you, less to do with.
Speaker 1:Well, the biggest difference between pregnancy one and pregnancy two was that I was struggling with prenatal depression.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The second pregnancy Severely.
Speaker 2:And I was. I did have the thought not that there's any like scientific anything behind this, but I was was like what if that's like a boy pregnancy thing for me? Yeah, like you know, because that was the big difference, whatever combination of ingredients and stars, right, like what, if?
Speaker 1:um? But because my sickness was about the same. Really, my pregnancies were identical in terms of physical symptoms, with one and two um, but this pregnancy I've not dealt with depression, um, and I was a lot. The severity of my sickness was the worst that it's been, but I also feel like it eased up a little bit earlier I was still sick through 24, 25 weeks. But there was. The thing is, I don't know if it eased up or if I didn't have the severity to compare against the last two pregnancies. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 2:It's also just recency bias, Like obviously it's going to feel at that point you've done it three times too.
Speaker 1:But I was way more sick. This, oh yeah, no, I agree with that.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying like, but at this point, also you're, you've done it three times too, but I was way more sick this, oh yeah. No, I agree with that. I'm just saying like, but at this point also, you're, you've done it three times. So, like you know more about what to expect and what you can do and what you can't do.
Speaker 1:I guess that's true.
Speaker 2:But also isn't that some of that normal, because you build up more of that hormone every time?
Speaker 1:To get more sick.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:There's no scientific science behind that? No, Lots of people. If they're sick with one, like aren't sick at all with their second one. Or there are things. So things that I believe are based in actual studies are postpartum cramping Severity has a tendency to increase each child. I don't know that one for sure. Maybe that's not studied. I'm not positive on that one, but that's when I think has real research backing it. I know that milk supply.
Speaker 1:you make new milk ducts every single pregnancy, and so milk supply does tend to increase with additional children. That, I know, is actually studied. I believe and this is another one that I haven't read any studies about it, so maybe this is just something I've been told that children tend to get bigger yeah, that's maybe that's more what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:It's like because there's an act like there's residual, basically growth hormone from but I don't know if that's who knows again.
Speaker 1:I've never read a study on that one yeah, this isn't a podcast for science well, just if I'm going to state something as like a fact, those are things I've heard.
Speaker 2:Those are I do your own research, guys, you know I have looked up the one about milk ducks yes that one I know is yeah, that is as an oversupply gal you're like.
Speaker 1:Oh sweet jesus yeah, well, it's fine as long as your body adjusts appropriately, as long as you take care of your body appropriately yeah which I did not have good resources and understanding of how it all it worked my first and I really pushed myself into an oversupply. I am a like prone to big supply girl. It's easy for me issues related to oversupply, but I exacerbated the problem myself.
Speaker 2:Fair enough. So, no, yeah, differences, you want to talk.
Speaker 1:Differences, I want to hear something that a lot of people have been asking me and wanting to hear your perspective of is with our first baby, I wanted to be team green. I was dead set. I wanted to not find out. I don't know why, like I don't remember why I was so into wanting to do that the first time.
Speaker 2:Is it kind of in the same vein as like wanting to go unmedicated, like you just wanted to have that experience or I don't know. I remember.
Speaker 1:I wanted to go unmedicated. That I remember a hundred percent. I wanted to go unmedicated because everybody talks about it is the worst pain you can experience as a woman and we have such fear instilled in us from such a young age about it and it's talked about on such a regular basis and compared to on such a regular basis.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That it was a thing for me, that I was like all right, well, I gotta know.
Speaker 2:Well, conceptually it's scary Like you're pushing a whole human being out of.
Speaker 1:It's really like.
Speaker 2:Just as a concept.
Speaker 1:I'm saying I'm not saying it should be. I'm just saying like I genuinely think, though, it's not actually that scary as a concept.
Speaker 2:Yeah think, though, it's not actually that scary as a concept.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it has been purposefully yeah, I think it's purposefully like it is a fear-mongered they end for yeah for thousands of years, like I'm not saying now a recent it did used to be, I think, a lot scarier too, because women mortality rate was much higher. Yes, women died all the time because when things went wrong, still do they.
Speaker 2:Yes, sometimes, yes, I mean much less common.
Speaker 1:It's going up um, like I, but some of the things in the way that we talk about it. There are absolutely legitimate fears to be had and there are really scary parts of it. I just don't know that. It is always actually the things that people associate like for instance, the pushing them out mm-hmm. Like a baby exiting your vagina. That's not really the scary part. The scary part is the placenta detaching entirely, or the umbilical cord or shoulder dystocias. There are things that can be scary. It's not the actual passing through of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, again, I was speaking conceptually. I know You're passing human beings through orifice in your body.
Speaker 1:I feel really passionately about this as an, that sounds like a lot. Yeah, yes, yeah but your body's made to do it for sure, and that's kind of always what I think you talk about when people are like what to explain.
Speaker 2:You're like is it painful? Yes, does it feel like a pain that something is wrong? No, it's more of a productive pain, if that makes any sense I don't talk about.
Speaker 1:I do use those words. Um, it feels the same as pain yeah, not that it's a different um, but your mindset is different in it my mindset, like I always talk to people about this, is like you have to remember in the moment, if you're choosing or not choosing um to go unmedicated, that it's one of the only times in your life that you're going to experience true productive pain. We associate pain with something bad is happening, um something's broken, something's torn, something it makes us feel fear because, oh, something is not right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a response for your body to be like oh, something happened, watch out.
Speaker 1:In this case, the pain you're experiencing is productive and supposed to be happening. So if you can really try to guide yourself away from feeling that panic or fear and allow yourself to accept that this is a productive pain, I think that really helps in how your body reacts, cause I think when we are acting out of fear and stress and all of those things that pain often can make us feel, it makes it worse.
Speaker 2:Yeah For pregnancy, or yeah, yeah, like it makes labor worse. I was like. I mean, sometimes you broke your leg and it's like don't walk on this leg anymore.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right, yeah. No, I'm not Wanted to be double clear.
Speaker 2:I'm talking about I was like do you mean?
Speaker 1:like pain's not we're supposed to ignore pain because I think that's bad advice. Ignore for sure labor pain.
Speaker 2:That's not what I'm saying either.
Speaker 1:It's being able to, but there's like an intention to it work through the the fear, the panic that you generally feel when you have that kind of pain yeah, yeah I don't like, I don't know um at that point you will have had a child inside of you for quite a bit of time.
Speaker 2:I feel like feelings in your mental space is very different. It is If it's not something you're experiencing now, probably hard to explain or get you there mentally.
Speaker 1:I was induced, I was on Pitocin and had G unmedicated, then R, I was induced and I ended up getting the epidural because I was not progressing, I was not relaxing, um, and I had a great epidural experience as well, and so I don't think one's I've really done things all the different ways.
Speaker 2:You've you've done a smorgasbord of birth plans and progressions.
Speaker 1:I like to think about all the different things as tools rather than good or bad? Instead of going in and saying like this is my plan and these are the tools that I want to use for my plan. My only plan is healthy baby, healthy mom, and I want to be aware of what all of my tool options are, and then I only want to utilize tools if I feel like I need to.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:So I'm minimal tool use, you know, but try to stay open to the tools that are available Right.
Speaker 2:If something's going wrong, like you're going to have a C-section, like Right, absolutely All that stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wheel me away. Yeah Right, if something's going wrong, like you're gonna have a C-section, like Right, absolutely All that stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wheel me away. Like, yeah, for sure, it's not about like resisting medical options, it's just like I wanna do it this way and if that doesn't work, I wanna be able to use whatever.
Speaker 1:What the?
Speaker 2:professionals say is going to be helpful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and for me it's not helpful. It's what's.
Speaker 2:Productive Nope Safe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure, I think that's what it comes down to. Yeah, because I think things like an epidural can be helpful but not needed. Sure, you need to go an extra two hours because, whatever, it's a personal choice yeah but as long as I'm still safe and what that's mentally, physically, all the different things, then I don't want to use that tool is where I that's the standpoint I come from which you stopped.
Speaker 2:You know, you stopped progressing and like it just wasn't working.
Speaker 1:And so, and I and I, knew mentally like that wasn't a decision. My doctor made that was a decision I made that I was like, mentally I don't feel safe, I don't feel comfortable. I want the epidural. That's the tool I want to use with my second one and it worked really well. And an hour later we were from a two to a 10 and we were there.
Speaker 2:So back way back to your question. Uh, was it convincing me to do team green, Is that?
Speaker 1:what it was A lot of people have been asking. With that first one, I was so dead set. I wanted to be team green. You were not on board, you were not resistant.
Speaker 2:No, I just was hesitant. I was like oh, okay, why?
Speaker 1:And a lot of people have asked well, how did you convince him? How did you convince him and I want to go ahead and, before I let you answer, be really transparent that Matt very much comes from the mindset of like the the workload of pregnancy is on me and my body and so choices like that as a couple not that Matt doesn't have input, not that it's like my way or the highway- I'll share an opinion, but it is just that it. It's an opinion, but you feel like it's my final decision.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Because I am the one doing the heavy lifting and the workload of pregnancy.
Speaker 2:Your body, your choice, babe.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know that that.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Like I can see it from both.
Speaker 2:Loaded words, but it was a joke.
Speaker 1:Well, I was going to say I can just see from other people's perspective of like their husband really wants to find out and they don't feel like their wife should be able to make that decision alone yeah I get I I know again I have very different opinions in that arena, it's not to say one is right, I think one's right, but um it's not like you can feel a different way and it is not a crime Like you can.
Speaker 2:Some people would probably just think that I'm not a very involved dad, like there's, there are those opinions out there too. Like, oh, how could he not care? It's not that I don't care Again, I will provide an opinion, but I truly believe, like it's so much on you.
Speaker 1:Oh, and if I felt strongly about it, you were like, yeah, I can, yeah, I can flex toward you on this because you're doing a lot of work and if it makes you feel good in this scenario. So I just want to say that at front like it wasn't something that Matt and I.
Speaker 2:It wasn't like this. This was my three point strategy for like tricking. Matt into going team green.
Speaker 1:Yeah and not that. Not that people are asking that, no, I know.
Speaker 2:Just like it was very much the opposite.
Speaker 1:Right, so I wanted to do it. You didn't. I want to hear your thoughts. Why didn't you think you wanted to? What led you that very first time?
Speaker 2:Oh and this is a recurring thing around our first pregnancy it was like I had had very little experience with kids, especially babies, but like I did not grow up around small kids, was not involved with small kids as I got older, um, and so I did not feel super. I wasn't knowledgeable at all and I didn't feel super prepared about having a baby, and so my initial mindset was like okay, well, you find out to be more prepared, that will let us know one thing or the other. Now, as soon as I sat down and thought about it, I was like well, there's not really anything we're going to do differently boy versus girl, like some people will be like, well, you'll paint the nursery a different color.
Speaker 1:We didn't have a nursery, we just had a crib in the guest room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we just had a guest room that we were using as a nursery one. Two, you can also just decorate it. You could paint later Because, again, like we had them in a bassinet in our room for a long period of time, like we could have painted a room whatever color we wanted when they came home.
Speaker 1:Or you can just do a full nursery that works for a boy or a girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can just do, which is a wide array of colorful animals and rainbows that have absolutely no bearing on the sex of the child. Right, all good options. But, like, realistically, there was very little that we were going to do differently one versus the other. And the great part of not knowing on Team Green with your first child is you get all this gender neutral stuff and so, no matter what child you have after that, you can reuse it. I know that's a point we've made probably several other times, but I think those are great points if you're having to convince somebody to be like, hey, if we don't find out now, people will get us all this very versatile stuff.
Speaker 1:We got a lot more productive things and we got a lot less customized things too, because I have found with having. We know we're having a boy this time and it's also our third, so people who are choosing to gift us things are and it's also our third, so people who are choosing to gift us things are.
Speaker 2:We're not in need of strollers or car seats or like stuff like that.
Speaker 1:It's a different situation Because we have all that already. But like, if you announce a name, people have a tendency to get things with their name on it and they're like you know, maybe that's more Southern.
Speaker 2:Maybe, but regardless, people are going to, and this is like the third point that I have around. That, though, is and something that I only realized later is that it does not let you project a personality or an experience. That was one of my big things that I because I was really worried about myself doing that- yeah, and the less you can do, that it makes it a little bit less real, for sure, not to you, I mean.
Speaker 1:I mean, again, you're carrying the child no, I sorry, no, I, but I wanna. Can we circle back to that when you're?
Speaker 2:done, sure, sure, all that to say you like it's hard to be like. Oh well, when they grow up, maybe they're gonna play football like I did, or maybe they're gonna be really into arts and crafts, like I am, or like you have no idea. So you can't any of the like gender loaded identities and assumptions that you can have about a child very difficult to project onto them, or if you do, you have to do both.
Speaker 2:You're like, well, if they're a boy, they're going to do this, and if they're a girl, they're going to do this, and like even then, you're still not pinning them down to something.
Speaker 1:It feels a lot more loaded. When you're doing both, you can't do it as simply when it's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and you have to be more aware of it, and all that to say is like it's a really. I think it's a really healthy way to have a kid and to manage all of those feelings and like anxieties.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:So back to.
Speaker 1:And you ended up well. I want to hear about how you felt about the experience then once.
Speaker 2:The actual birth process being unmedicated, and all that, or having a girl.
Speaker 1:Like the team green part. And so then she's here and you tell me it's a girl and oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was great, like that all. Well, I ask how you felt about it afterward, because when we got pregnant with R, I wanted to find out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was very. It went so well and it did a really good job of me not I wasn't able to project, I wasn't able to do all these things that I was concerned about. It really made very little difference. I feel like people handle it better. They handle it it more neutrally, which is how we like it handled, and so I was like let's do that again, especially because it was like, yeah, it was funny, I think we were braced for a girl round one I thought we were having a girl around one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I I was like telling myself we were going to have a girl because I come from one of two brothers.
Speaker 1:You were more prepared for a boy, you thought.
Speaker 2:Mentally I was like okay, well, I was a boy and I had a brother.
Speaker 1:I am a boy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am a man now, excuse me.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it was like I am a man, I like I think I know what to handle with a male more. And then we had, and so I was like maybe brace for having a girl, because you really have no idea what that experience is. Um, from a personal level it's not.
Speaker 1:That was your perspective.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your thought process and so, like I was mentally braced that direction. And then we had one and I was like this is amazing and I was super excited about it and it, like I think it really expands your, your viewpoint as a man, especially if you did not grow up around a lot of women, and so, um, it just makes you more conscious of it. It made me more conscious of it. I don't know that I want to speak, or should speak, for everybody.
Speaker 1:People have gotten really mad at Matt in the past.
Speaker 2:They really have, and like I mean it in the best intentioned of ways.
Speaker 1:It's not about that, but it's and I I get it as a woman. I get it because I also have that thought process of why didn't having a wife expand your mindset?
Speaker 2:Yeah, having a mom and a wife and you have women in your life. How have you not thought about it before? And it's not that I haven't thought about it. One I'm not good at recognizing the differences in genders. That sounds dumb as a sentence, but like.
Speaker 1:Genuinely, that is one of your most interesting traits as a person. We could get into that sometime in an episode because it is very interesting. But, like I was just raised um respecting both.
Speaker 2:Like I, think a lot of people are raised respecting, yeah, but what respect looked? Like was very was equality or some, yeah, equal ignorance like the thing about the.
Speaker 1:The interesting thing for the way you view things is you don't see equity like you don't look for equity for things yeah you have a genuine assumption of equality. Like to matt a woman can run just as fast as a man can lift just as much, like in your auto brain settings I don't, I don't start thinking less than I guess like or more than what either sure like you. Just everything is exactly the same for everybody.
Speaker 2:To you, yeah, default obviously we should do an episode. People are wired differently and like genetics are different. But like I do, I don't ever assume a woman can't do something, a man can off the bat or like that. They are less capable.
Speaker 1:Or that they're supposed to, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah that there's something they're supposed to do.
Speaker 1:But it's not about I don't know, it's weird.
Speaker 2:It's not feminist, it's hyper feminist. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's not feminist. No, it's not, and that's why, and that's a I understand.
Speaker 1:A nether-loaded word, but A lot of frustration from people and like, why didn't you see it before? But I also agree, seeing it from the time when you're talking to a woman or an adult. When you're talking to a woman or an adult, it's really easy to attribute things that are happening to other factors, Whereas when you're talking to a child and you see how a little girl gets treated versus a little boy, it's a lot harder to attribute it to other things because you're like, oh, that's the only factor that person has to go on.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm that kid's primary influence for many, many years. I am ultimately responsible for that child. I am responsible to the other women in my life. I'm responsible for a child. Right Like that is 100% on you and I, yep, as parents.
Speaker 1:We brought them in this world and it's our job to like you just hit the nail on the head on how you see things. Differently though.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is. A lot of men that I feel like I interact with think of themselves as responsible for women in their life.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And you do not feel that way. You feel responsible to women in your life. The same that you would feel responsible to men in your life absolutely because you feel responsible to the adults in your life and the loved ones in your life, regardless of gender.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess that's a really good representation of your viewpoint on it I don't control the women in my life in any capacity well, and I don't think it's about control.
Speaker 2:I don't think we try to control our kids either. No, but like I don't, some people I don't know. I'm not much of a patriarch, I guess no no, anyway, sorry, we're getting off tangent.
Speaker 2:We're way off tangent, but, um no, we had a great experience the first time around. I was like I would like to have that same experience again, in terms of like not worrying about who they are, what they are. I just trusted myself more, having that experience of being like well, I know I can't do it this way, so it felt safe. Also, I just tend to defer to what I've done before yeah let's be honest well, that's you were.
Speaker 1:I told you that if we we had a third. I really wanted to find out that time, especially after, because after we had our second um you really struggled with having a boy yeah, yep, all of a sudden, like there's still the warm, fuzzy feelings.
Speaker 2:But then I was like, oh, I am the primary model for this child, like having a girl. They will model themselves after me. It's not that, it's that they will still, especially from society and everything, have a gendered like identity through mom and they won't have that with me, like I can be in a separate influence that has less baggage, so to speak. Like she's not going to look at me and try and use that to understand how to be a woman. She's going to look at me and be like this is how I can be a person. Or these are traits that I admire, or these are skills.
Speaker 2:I'd like to build how to be a parent, like all of these great things, but it's less loaded in her identity, I think.
Speaker 1:As a woman, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like just because of society and you know, genetic everything, like there will not be that same. Look to me. We are crazy similar. She's going to look to me for a lot of things and I love that. But with a boy I was like, oh, this is, I'm really responsible for this and it was. I hate responsibility, so I'm getting emotional.
Speaker 1:but uh, no, it was just, it was very clear, and so, any inadequacy that I was feeling, I was like, oh, like I feel responsible to work this out and I'm gonna have to do that now because what he's gonna see as he gets older and is trying to develop his identity as a man, he's not gonna see that in joe, he's gonna see that in myself and I remember it's not going to see that in.
Speaker 2:Joe, he's going to see that in myself and I remember and it's not just what I want to show people, and this goes for having a boy or a girl your kids learn from what you do, not from what you say. It is not a. I have instilled these values in my kids because I've told them this is right and this is wrong. They 100% see what you do and they go well. These are the two most important people in my life. So, like, if they do these things, that's what I'm going to do, and even more so when they're the same sex as you are. But you were saying I remember the conversation.
Speaker 1:I mean, we were five or six weeks postpartum and we'd put G down for bed and we were sitting in our living room and I looked over at Matt and you were like, your eyes were like welled with tears and I was like oh my gosh, what's going on.
Speaker 1:And it was the first time that you'd really put words to that feeling you were having and and you were like he's going to look to me and I'm like both of our kids are going to look to you and you were like this is different, like he's going to find his identity as a man in his, his first um.
Speaker 2:I will be his primary figurehead for that idea this age, you know and I want that to be. I don't want it to be, you know, advertisements or something like right that's, on one hand, like okay, good. On the hand, like okay, good. On the other hand, like how do I feel about myself as a man? Do I want that to be his experience? And so it's a lot of sorting out all of those feelings and ideas and not always having what I felt like was a good answer.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it was two or three months of big feelings like many crisis internally.
Speaker 1:But we had a lot of good conversations through it.
Speaker 2:Oh, for sure, it's still a good conversation, it's still a good reminder, but it put me in a little bit of a spiral for months, yeah, months it did, and now we're doing it again. I struggle with my own identity and so, um, it was very scary to bring somebody into this world that was going to form their identity off of what I didn't feel very competent in, and I've had ups and downs with my whole life. But, yeah, all of a sudden it was very much like oh, like you got to get your shit together and mixed bag on results with that, but like I actually think it sent you into kind of a tailspin oh badly, initially very badly, but like it also prompts change.
Speaker 2:You know, there's there's stuff that's good with that too, but the first couple of months, yeah, I was a mess, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been very interesting. But this time finding out, and actually the first two times, I was spot on on what we were having. I thought I was having a girl and then I thought I was having a boy.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And this time, from the moment I got pregnant, I thought I was having a girl.
Speaker 2:Oh really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I was dead set it was a girl. And then we found out really early, cause we did a sneak peek test, found out we were having a boy. Um, I was shocked and, like I don't know about, disappointed, just like shocked. It wasn't what I thought. And then we had it confirmed at the anatomy scan and I was still shocked, like I still was, just because of how confidently I felt girl, which, what do I know?
Speaker 2:I wasn't disappointed but I would have been more excited for a girl. That probably because of the whole baggage situation with the second one, I was like, okay, cool, a boy, but I would have been like, yes, a girl, and I think that's bad to say out loud, but let's put it on a podcast and ship it.
Speaker 1:I don't think it actually has anything to do with.
Speaker 2:It doesn't affect how much I love that child or how I feel about that child.
Speaker 1:It's just like the expectation, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. And doesn't that always.
Speaker 1:Oh, a hundred percent. Well, and for me, the moment that I got so excited to find out we were having a boy was when we came home to tell the kids and G really wanted a little sister.
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny, she calls her little brother a sister too.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:She was always a little like she's had some back and forths on what we call a brother and a sister anyway.
Speaker 1:But she really wanted a sister, yeah, and so I was nervous coming home to tell her she really wanted a sister.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I was nervous coming home to tell her.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I thought she might be disappointed.
Speaker 2:Well, we talked about it before and then we were also like, okay, we're going to have to be positive about it, we're going to have to, like we also need to be prepared for but like we're also going to have to be prepared that like she may not feel that way, like she may struggle with wanting it differently.
Speaker 1:We told her and she lit up.
Speaker 2:Pumped.
Speaker 1:Because and she asked me this follow-up question she goes wait, does that mean that R is going to get a little brother, Like I have a little brother? And I said, yeah, and she's like I love that she was and that's that was so cool to see, Like like she wanted this thing, she's obsessed with her little brother and she was so excited that her little brother is going to get have to have a little brother, like she has a little brother and then she was like but next time can we?
Speaker 2:yeah have a little girl.
Speaker 1:We were like mommy and daddy aren't in control of that tbg, yeah, um we would love that for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we would love that for us, but assuming we have another child, not something we get to pick we'll love it no matter what, and so yeah, anyway, you might your little brother's little brother might have a little brother, you don't, well, and it's been really interesting for me because I'm curious to see how it all goes, because what I know is girls. I have all sisters. My mom only has a sister. Both my grandmothers come from all sisters.
Speaker 2:And I'm all brothers.
Speaker 1:And my dad's brother has all daughters Like I come from a very heavily woman loaded family. There are no brothers. Brothers like this is. I shouldn't say that I haven't there's a few. I have. I have nephews that are brothers, now Um but two of them amongst yeah a lot of grandkids. Well, this is actually going to shake it out to be pretty even now, yeah, we're pushing the scales back the other way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but going to shake it out to be pretty. Even now, yeah, we're pushing the scales back.
Speaker 1:The other way. Yeah, but there really haven't been brothers close in age in a really long time in my immediate family and I. I was talking to my cousin about it because my mom's sister has two girls and a boy and I, uh, she just had her first baby and had a son and I was telling her it's so crazy to me they're going to be brothers. I said it's not about brother, it's about brothers.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I said they're going to be two and we were like that's crazy, cause there's been a boy dropped in with loads of girls here and there in our family Is your dad and his brother.
Speaker 2:are they, or is there a sister between them?
Speaker 1:Sister's between them. Okay, so even then they're brother, sister, brother. It's generations back, but they're all 15 months apart.
Speaker 2:Okay, so they're still close. Yeah, like in age.
Speaker 1:Like my dad and his brother, are less than three years. They're two and a half years apart. Yeah, jesus, I know Even though they're they're first and third. Yeah, they're, they're very close, so, anyway, um, that was just interesting to me.
Speaker 1:Like that's a new dynamic to me, um, and I'm excited, I'm I'm excited to see the family grow and have everybody interact with one another. Anyway, we're going to skip Greg's reads this week just because we're short on time and we're going to hop into word of the week and then we have a few messages from you all to answer questions.
Speaker 2:Word of the week Doff D-O-F-F.
Speaker 1:Okay, I've never even seen it.
Speaker 2:To doff a hat or other piece of clothing is to take it off.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:They doffed their coats when they came inside the house.
Speaker 1:I kind of like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to assume it's old.
Speaker 1:Do you remember last week's? Oh, it was so good and I wanted to use it Now. I don't remember. I don't remember either, oh man, I'll go back and listen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll figure it out.
Speaker 1:It was a really good one. It's one I wanted to start working in. Gosh, darn it. Yeah, my memory is terrible.
Speaker 2:Doffed.
Speaker 1:Doffed.
Speaker 2:I like that Doff. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I doffed my sweats.
Speaker 2:Used it apparently in the reference they're referencing here.
Speaker 1:That's nice. I like that. Yeah, it has a nice like sound to it. It's round.
Speaker 2:Was it last week that we talked about the shape?
Speaker 1:of words, or was that two weeks ago? It was a couple weeks ago, yeah.
Speaker 2:On the Patreon, we got into the shape of words. I think it might just be the shape of your mouth.
Speaker 1:It 100% is it's just the shape of your mouth learned is that's what you're talking about?
Speaker 2:but it feels right. Let's get to our first one. Hi, just here to say I totally understand where joe's coming from and thinking everyone hates her. I feel the same way major imposter syndrome when it comes to friends and work. I was elected as president of a non-profit board and had myself convinced that it was because no one else wanted it. Not that I was nominated and voted in because I work hard and people like me. No advice on how to get over this. But just here to say you're not alone. This is something we had a couple weeks ago.
Speaker 1:I may have even said it, but I don't feel like people. It's not um an active thought process of people thinking negative thoughts about me sure it's just I assume I do a lot of like. Why would anybody care what I have to say? Which does it's you being?
Speaker 2:less than not them being cruel, yeah, or anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I yeah, I don't know, I just don't, I don't know, yeah it's tough. It is imposter syndrome syndrome, though like it very much falls into that vein, because it's interesting when we talk to people about it, because people often translate it as a confidence issue, and you're one of the more confident people I know in yourself, in your own identity.
Speaker 2:I don't. Socially you struggle and that's really what a lot of it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what it comes down to, because I really don't feel insecure individually about my appearance, my personalities, my likes, my dislikes, things like that. Like I feel pretty comfortable about who I am and my identity. I then struggle putting that within a social dynamic. Yeah, um, and so I think that's why it really is that imposter syndrome, like socially, why you know yeah, fair enough.
Speaker 2:All right, we have one more, and then we surely we got to wrap up. We're probably running long here, but, um, this one is perfectly topical. Okay, hi, joe and matt, I have a question about how to prepare your children for a third baby. I have a three-year-old and a one-year-old and just found out to be expecting my third baby, and I'm afraid that my youngest specifically will behave differently than my oldest did when she came. I love the podcast and listen to it weekly. Thanks for that.
Speaker 1:I think finding out this time has been helpful because we've been able to put a little bit more of an identity to like.
Speaker 2:You're getting a little brother rather than a little sibling, not that all of the pros that we stated for us that are like oh well, you can't project an identity on this child that makes them less real. Uh, more of a con with kids like with kids, because you kind of want them to understand it's going to be real and that there's going to be change and that they need to be keeping that in mind. And so if it's just like a baby, I don't know that like that feels much different than just a whatever.
Speaker 1:Well, and I.
Speaker 2:I think it depends on the age of the kid and things like that.
Speaker 1:But what I'll say is, if your youngest is one, um, that means that they won't be, uh at most there'll be two upon new baby's arrival. And your other two are two years apart. Our kids, like I'm not that worried about it because I feel like R doesn't know any different of like being an only no, whereas like G, when we introduced him she was young enough, but I'm like she's not gonna remember being an only yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she was interested but did not have like a full. I think it's definitely harder when you have like a four-year-old and you have your next kid.
Speaker 1:I agree that sounds really challenging. And so that kid is very, you have like a four-year-old and you have your next kid. I agree that sounds really challenging.
Speaker 2:And so that kid is very used to like a level of attention or the dynamics of a household with just them and like there's not anything you can do about that. But it's just when they're three and one, like at least your three-year-old is used to having another kid around around. Um, I mean, depending on how aware your one-year-old is, it's kind of hard to really know what they're like. He are our two-year-old now, like you just turned to, knows there's a baby coming, but like I don't, I don't know he doesn't, he doesn'll see he talks about baby.
Speaker 2:He, like you know, points to mom's stomach.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he'll feel baby kick.
Speaker 2:I feel like he'll be shocked when, like a human baby, is in our house all the time.
Speaker 1:It does help that my best friend just had her baby.
Speaker 2:I was going to say if you have access to a baby.
Speaker 1:Somebody you know have a baby that you can?
Speaker 2:Like that sounds crazy as an idea. Like don't go looking for a baby, but like if you know someone that has a baby or really young children, it can help to go around a really young child and like see how your kids react and that can give you a better feel for like ooh, these are things we should watch out for. Oh, it looks like they're really excited and like could be down like whatever it is, so find. And like could be down like whatever it is, so yeah, um, find a baby, see how your your kids handle it give that baby back.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, no, I think your kids are young enough that you don't have to be super stressed about it I think, talk about it.
Speaker 1:I think when baby's here making sure that you are giving undivided attention to your older kids, it doesn't necessarily mean physical attention, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're getting up to play a game with them, but when they talk to you, making eye contact and telling baby hold on one second, I've got to focus on. I think that has really helped us when we transitioned to two. I'm kind of planning to bring those methods in and we'll update you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Hopefully we have a few months on you and we'll keep you posted. And if we have any thoughts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's really, it's exciting, it's fun.
Speaker 1:Congratulations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, huge congrats.
Speaker 1:I never came back around to this and I want to just say this before we go. I thought, not being team green on the third one, I was going to feel more connected to baby knowing versus not because of all the identity things that we've talked about, and I don't think I do.
Speaker 2:I actually agree with that a little bit, and I don't think I do. I actually agree with that a little bit, like I can brace a little bit more for it being a boy. But I think, especially I think we set ourselves up by having two team green pregnancies though, because I still call him they all the time.
Speaker 2:Like who knows what they're going to do, and like some of that is just um habit and being polite to people in the world and some of it is like I am used to calling the baby that we're going to have they yeah. Although I feel like on the second one I was calling them her.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because we had a little girl, and so I corrected that behavior just in time to have a boy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that's okay, it all works out. Well, as usual if you guys would like weekly episodes and you're not subscribed, our Patreon is in the show notes down below.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we're going to give something away to those, the handful of people that listen to that thing.
Speaker 1:So yeah, we're. I've been doing more giveaways and things on my ig not anything crazy, just you know brands and things that I use a lot, trying to get more things back into y'all's hands from us because we really appreciate everything you do. So I'm trying to do that on the patreon too. Yeah, um, because those are the people who support the podcast?
Speaker 2:yeah, not, not everybody supports the podcast. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:I was about to say.
Speaker 2:I didn't mean that how that was worded, but like they're the ones that make it financially possible to do this podcast. We aren't exactly on top of advertising and everything else.
Speaker 1:But we really appreciate and value you guys and thanks for being here. We'll hopefully be here at the start of next month.
Speaker 2:We'll be here in some capacity, I'm sure yeah and uh, yeah, talk soon maybe it'll be a solo podcast for me. Maybe there'll be a newborn on it, who knows?
Speaker 1:we'll do it, though it'll be around bye.