Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Oversharing with the Overbys
Catastrophic Death Experts and Ethical Crimes
This week on Oversharing with Overbys, we kick things off by raising a toast to our listeners and sharing the heartwarming moments from Jo’s baby sprinkle for her friend Josie, as well as our delightfully rainy 4th of July celebrations. We also get into the nitty-gritty of household chores, starting with a closet purge that inspired a full-on home organization spree.
Ever wonder why modern problems seem so much more complicated than ancient survival needs? Join us as we unpack the complexity of staying present in our fast-paced world, especially while grappling with memory lapses and dissociation. We dive into anxiety-inducing news headlines from Jo's dad Greg, reveal tips for sharpening memory, and even discuss a catastrophic death expert’s advice on household items that might be more dangerous than you think. It’s a rollercoaster of insightful and practical advice that you won’t want to miss.
What crime would you commit if it meant it would never happen again? We humorously yet thoughtfully explore this ethical conundrum, weighing the potential impact of crimes like identity theft and murder if they could be eradicated forever. We also touch on the necessity of maintaining a positive self-image for the mental well-being of our children, the emotional rollercoaster of sibling relationships, and the trials of unfulfilling jobs. Join us for a thought-provoking, heartwarming, and occasionally hilarious episode!
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
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Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.
Speaker 1:As I start every week. Now, what do you have in your? Oh, you already opened it.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I have a liquid death. They're hard to open, though with my Ready. Oh wow, I feel like that was really good. That was pretty good.
Speaker 2:They have a really firm tab on those.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the way it sparkled.
Speaker 2:I feel like the cans are pretty heavy-duty too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they are.
Speaker 2:Am I right about that? Yeah, okay, no. First and foremost, shout out to everybody that texted the podcast. We talked about it and then we got like a bajillion email texts.
Speaker 1:All of the texts.
Speaker 2:It's really cool, though, because it does give us like a notification, so we literally both see when they come in and can, like preview them and stuff, which is convenient, are we?
Speaker 1:going to do an all, all text. I don't actually think we got that many, I don't know. Let's look we have 10. We got quite a few, but we didn't get enough to do like an all text.
Speaker 2:I don't know man. There's 10 of them in here.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's pretty hefty, all right, all right, it's going to take a long time to answer stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're not wrong, I'm picking up what you're throwing down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, anyway, yeah, how's the week been? What have you been doing?
Speaker 1:I hosted a baby shower, oh yeah, With Claire and that was really fun a baby sprinkle. And I just love Josie Lloyd. Yeah, I love her. If you don't follow her, you should. She's great. She is so just true to who she is and has a great core and I just love her. And we got to celebrate her on Saturday or Sunday or Saturday it was Saturday.
Speaker 2:Saturday.
Speaker 1:Got to celebrate her over the weekend and that was really fun. We had the 4th.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, the 4th of July which got rained out. So, then there was the 4th and 5th of July.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had chill vibes. We didn't do anything for the 5th though.
Speaker 2:No, we just heard all the fireworks go off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:It was some heavy rains, so not people. Right when fireworks were about to happen it just poured rain, so I've never seen it rain like that on the fourth, I don't think. I think shockingly few fires happened, I bet I'm sure. So that's a plus all-time low. Fourth of july fires in northwest arkansas but uh, not very many displays it was a.
Speaker 1:It wasn't kind of stormy no, it was very so we had friends over and we sat out on the patio and got the fireplace going and it was like there were couple of points where we were like should we go inside? Like we were getting wet on the covered patio.
Speaker 2:What I was really enjoying is like the few people that were really trying to like tough out the storm, because you'd occasionally just hear like fireworks go off.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, People that were like really dedicated to still shooting things off. Every time the rain would let up a little bit, but it wasn't stopping three inches of rain like it was very steady rain but it would go from being aggressively hard rain to like, uh, just steady stream, medium rain of like, yeah, rain.
Speaker 2:At no point was it like, oh, it's clear sprinkling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when it was the medium, though, you would hear fireworks going.
Speaker 2:people would like run out there, try and light some stuff, get back. When it was the medium, though, you would hear fireworks going, people would run out there. Try and light some stuff, get back to cover. It was good, it was funny.
Speaker 1:Hey, good for them.
Speaker 2:But we kept it pretty low key. Yeah, had a few people over.
Speaker 1:Matt cooked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did my usual thing where I forget to light the grill on time and since it's charcoal, it's like oh well, I guess it's going to be 25 minutes until the grill's even close to ready to go.
Speaker 1:It's kind of your thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's been a time or two where I've been prepared, but it wasn't this time. Yeah, I was doing a lot.
Speaker 1:Now our week has started.
Speaker 2:Another week.
Speaker 1:You've been doing laundry. Oh wait, I do. Have you got rid of an entire carload of stuff?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we both did. We purged the closets. So all the discussion of having clothes from middle school, I think that's finally in our review. Yeah, so got the closets cleaned out, which has been big. It's been motivating. I think that's part of why I've been like, really going after laundry and trying to pick up some spaces is because, like now that the closets are done, you can see like one really done area and you're like, oh okay, like we should do this to our other spaces that need it, and so it's been good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that you finally feel that way. Yeah, yeah, I feel like not much has done that for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the closet's just been one of those that's like it's even gotten close before and then it's just been like, well, I hope it's right back to how it was in like three days and now it's really done enough and has enough of a system to it that, even if I think it gets bad, there's places for everything to go back to. And that's always been. One of the bigger issues is like, if we pick things up but things don't really have a home, it makes it really easy for it to fall out of a good state and then hard to put it back because it's like, oh, we just kind of winged it and put stuff where it fit and that's not a repeatable lifestyle no so now we have plenty of space for our things, because we got rid of a lot of our things and uh, I would like to note, just out of my own insecurity I regularly oh yeah, you, I go through my stuff really regularly, so mine was not as much of an overhaul.
Speaker 2:You just get a lot more things. Not because you buy them either, it's because they show up. A lot of times people want to send you pieces and whatnot, and you turn down a lot I do, but I also accept a lot.
Speaker 1:There are a lot of things I accept.
Speaker 2:Well, and some things are just sent without heads up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true too.
Speaker 2:But most of the time, if you get heads up, you can really intentionally pick stuff, or yeah, you approve it, but generally with gifting and stuff, so we do.
Speaker 1:We did a big, big section of donate um that we're sending off um, but then I will be doing a little bit on poshmark of stuff that I bought with my own money. Yeah, so that'll be coming.
Speaker 2:Keep an eye out yeah, so no, you're much better about that. For me it'd been. I'd throw like I'd, I'd taken the really easy to get rid of stuff like a handful of things here and there had a hole in it. Yeah, if it was like a medium and it like exposed my whole midriff and it's not supposed to yeah, um, I say that like I have a lot of exposed midriff shirts, but maybe, maybe we'll pivot to that cutoffs.
Speaker 1:I feel like you're going to want to um get back into your fitness era.
Speaker 2:Before you do that, yeah, yeah, we're going to have to get much better, uh, disciplined in general in the diet and exercise before I'm comfortable rocking an exposed midriff.
Speaker 1:I think you could do it right now. Personally, I think that would really require a confidence.
Speaker 2:I don't have.
Speaker 1:Well, that's as you said it. I'm realizing now that what I just said back to you sounds like I was criticizing you, oh no, no.
Speaker 2:no, you said you're going to want to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was more pointing out that I don't see you rocking a lot of midriff anything.
Speaker 2:And you really meant it as I'm going to want to not like I don't care if you do I, if you feel comfortable, you own it. I think you look great yeah, you compliment me when I'm like this is the worst I've ever looked and I'm always like, oh man, I really like it yeah, you, just you know.
Speaker 1:I like you rose.
Speaker 2:Rose colored glasses. You know, just you like me too much.
Speaker 1:Matt has been just like killing it. I feel like I need to take a moment to compliment Matt, which will make him really uncomfortable, but he's been doing so good at all of the things like he installed. I know that we talked about this on the last podcast, but he did all of the flower beds. He has been resetting the entire house and spending a ton of time working on that. He's been filming some content.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Just like I feel like you're Stop posting it, but we film it every now and then hey, but like yeah, that's an improvement.
Speaker 1:That's an improvement and that's a start, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just got to cut it together and put it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Matt threatened himself with going back to a normal job.
Speaker 2:It's not even a threat. It's just really silly because I do have like the ability to do this and I, as much as I love the structure of a traditional job, like a traditional nine to five, and having a boss and having a really defined um role that I can excel at, I really like seeing my kids and my wife and having that flexibility to do what we need to do when we need to do it and move things around, and so if I really value that and want to be with my kids when they're little, I should do the thing I can do.
Speaker 1:That's cool. Yeah, I think that's great, trying to keep that in mind.
Speaker 2:I have a real problem with like it's not that I don't have a list of things to do, it's that I dissociate and forget to even check a list of things to do until the end of the day, when you're like, oh well, you missed everything on your list today. Good job, you weren't present in your body today, yep.
Speaker 1:I don't relate to that, like it's really hard for me to understand, especially when you talk about it, because I genuinely don't relate, like I can't get there.
Speaker 2:You're constantly thinking Like you're just a thousand ideas bouncing around.
Speaker 1:I avoid that by being like off, but I can't oh, I know my body was not programmed with that option I don't know that they all are because I find it really stressful yeah, um, I'd say it's a survival technique, but I'm not sure which one's better for survival. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I try to stay present. Survival in what I don't know, I don't know, yeah, anyway.
Speaker 2:I'm like if I were a caveman which one's more useful, probably, continuing to think about stuff and not checking out, so that you get eaten by a, you know, a saber-toothed tiger or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, I feel like life was. It was more do or die then, but it was also much simpler.
Speaker 2:Oh, 100%. Well, that's like the whole hierarchy of needs, like, once you start meeting them, then you have other ones.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And they get more complicated.
Speaker 1:Right. But back in the day it was definitely just like live do you think that the procreate part of like the cultural landscape? This is like way deeper questions and what I'm trying to philosophical I know, but do you think a big part of our cultural landscape is like we have the largest portion of a population ever to have their like base needs met, and so there's just a lot of people suffering from more complex problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that's. Yeah, I think there's a lot of that, and just as, uh, society evolves, then we have it's. We've talked about it before, but, um, everybody's problems are their own biggest problems, and so lots of people, if they're financially insecure, their biggest problem is finances. If they become financially secure, then there's a new problem that they have, Like if they're housing insecure, they couldn't prioritize that before. As more people meet more of their needs, then your needs get more complicated. I mean kind of objectively less like life and death.
Speaker 2:So, if you want to put them on a hierarchy of like, these ones are more important and these ones are less important, you could call them less important, but they don't feel less important to the person experiencing them, you know. I think that's kind of always the idea is that everything feels kind of the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:In the moment.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, try and keep that in perspective, guys. Deep thoughts.
Speaker 1:Do we want to go ahead and jump to Greg's reads?
Speaker 2:Greg's reads what's reads what's greg been reading what has greg been reading? Greg's dad yep, he reads news he sends us news.
Speaker 1:He does, and we rate articles no, we rate the headlines that's true we read the headlines, we rate them on a scale of zero to five on how much anxiety they give us this week this week oh, I don't know how many articles we've got.
Speaker 2:Frazzled, forgetful, how everyday blips strain the memory and techniques to sharpen them back up everyday thoughts drain the memory.
Speaker 1:Is that right?
Speaker 2:how everyday blips strain the memory oh, four out of five are you worried about everyday blips my memory really like stresses me out. Yeah, it's like a one out of five for me, but um, you have a rock, rock, steady, a rock in memory yeah you have a rock steady memory, for sure I do and I don't I have, no, you don't have good recall that's not the same thing that's true.
Speaker 1:We've had this discussion, uh, more than once but the thing is, I feel like you do have good recall if somebody prompts anything. Yeah, for the most part there's still gaps you don't like. I think that goes back to your saying you're not using your brain thing. I don't think it's that like, you're just not trying yeah like, if I'm like, name a memory from when you're you're like, I can do that. That's not bad recall yeah, true that's bad.
Speaker 2:Just existing in your body, that's fair catastrophic death expert says there's three common experts, no, three common objects. He definitely would not have in his I'm guessing it's house it's probably Ladd Bible, which is concerning as far as news goes.
Speaker 1:Three out of five. I am curious.
Speaker 2:It's like a two out of five, because catastrophic death expert is just so out of like left field Out of pocket. Yeah, that I don't know how seriously I can take how do you become a catastrophic death expert? Right like.
Speaker 1:Is that reading data? Are you working in a hospital?
Speaker 2:that can't be your primary job title like that has to be more of like a role that you have. It can't be like I'm the catastrophic death expert for but-Cola A scientist?
Speaker 1:I don't think it's like that. But do you think they're a scientist and they're just like reading all kinds of data?
Speaker 2:I guess, I don't know, that seems wild.
Speaker 1:What are the objects? Are you going to tell us the objects?
Speaker 2:No, I didn't. That's not our thing here.
Speaker 1:Our thing here is we just rate titles, I know, but I want to know air fresheners, oh really they unplug them and they contain chemicals that you don't want to breathe or something I don't know okay a lot of the time they contain formaldehyde okay what?
Speaker 2:okay, carpet shampoo? Um, okay, they contain some other chemical. And then furniture polish. Well, joke's on you guys. We never polish our furniture.
Speaker 1:I was going to say we don't have any of those things in our house.
Speaker 2:We have very little carpet. We might have some carpet cleaner.
Speaker 1:We have one air freshener. Yeah, but it's like one of the all natural yeah. Formaldehyde free probably probably it's chemical free, I think. Oh, okay, it's like like essential oils.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I think so anyway, all right, one more one more this man bought an old log cabin for a hundred dollars, and what he did with it made everyone jealous zero out of five.
Speaker 1:No anxiety, I mean there's no anxiety there happy for him.
Speaker 2:Seems impossible, oh what well, it's because it's in a real state of there's nothing to see there and I tried to show the camera.
Speaker 1:But that's not a cabin that's lumber. Yeah, old old lumber did he turn it into a house?
Speaker 2:I guess so sounds like yeah, like the project, I think so cool I mean it's a good deal on that much lumber probably honestly but you got to get it out of there to get the land, oh no, I don't know I didn't really read the article.
Speaker 1:It was long the land for a hundred dollars seems.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a steal yeah, downright reasonable. You should probably buy any land you can get for a hundred dollars. Maybe not, though there might be a reason it's a hundred dollars, right? That's, yeah, downright reasonable. You should probably buy any land you can get for $100. Maybe not, though there might be a reason. It's $100. Right, that's problematic, right, yeah, Anyway, no anxiety there. So that's Greg's Reads.
Speaker 1:Word of the week. Word of the week. Word of the week. I know what I want it to be. You know what you want it to be, you know what you want it to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but go ahead.
Speaker 1:Let's see if we're on the same page. Were you thinking of the word dicker? I was not.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, weird dicker, dicker kicker with a d instead of a k, okay first k dicker, are you familiar with it? No, I'm not uh, it means to talk or argue with someone about the conditions of a purchase agreement or contract. My favorite thing about flea markets is dickering over prices I'm never gonna use that i't know. I think we should bring it back.
Speaker 1:I wanted you to define the word for the little names I put next to us.
Speaker 2:What Chiron.
Speaker 1:A Chiron.
Speaker 2:Well, let's look up the actual.
Speaker 1:How do I spell? This is like words from real life that Matt used. Matt used the word Chiron casually. Is that something lots of people know? You think?
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's one of the words that has, like, a lot of different meanings oh what like? Well, like for one. A chiron is from greek mythology and it's like a centaur or something, I think boo, tomato, tomato, tomato, tomato.
Speaker 2:Yeah were you just wrong with an y. I was spelling it like the other kind. Okay, how do you spell it? Um? C-h-y-r-o-n. So the the chiron? I've heard that phrase. I didn't know it had a y in it. So that's when um like the words or images that show up under like people's names or under like their images on TV and uh, in images and stuff, or like the scrolling text, why do you?
Speaker 1:know that.
Speaker 2:I don't know man. I just heard it a few times and I was like, okay, cool, that's a Chiron Sometimes. Sometimes you just hear a word and you're like, cool, that's the word for the thing that I was looking at.
Speaker 1:And you just hold cool, that's the word for the thing that I was looking at and you just hold on to that forever. That's crazy, legitimately crazy.
Speaker 2:I don't know man, vocab is just like it's an important part of my brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like it has to, my brain likes to know the words for things.
Speaker 1:I mean, you're bright. There's no doubt about that.
Speaker 2:That way, you never look dumb, you always sound like you know what you're talking about, even if you don't you got to know those words?
Speaker 1:Totally.
Speaker 2:So I think that's what it's all about for me. Love that, anyway, dicker and chyron, what a week.
Speaker 1:Chyron yeah, dicker. I'm never going to use dicker, like when I go to the farmer's market. I dicker at the price of flowers.
Speaker 2:You're not really much of a dickerer.
Speaker 1:Dickerer, that is not a word, it can't be.
Speaker 2:You're not much of a dick. You're not much of a dick.
Speaker 1:That's true. Do you think that's what it's based?
Speaker 2:in? I don't think so. Okay, I think it's like old, like it was used like old timey, back when people named people Dick Did they name them Dick.
Speaker 1:Okay, called people Dick as a nickname.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I think it's like way old.
Speaker 1:When did that become a slang term?
Speaker 2:I think it's been a slang term for a long time. Oh no, maybe I don't know Should we look up the etymology of dick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to know because.
Speaker 2:Dick etymology.
Speaker 1:When you know what I'm asking?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if Mid Richard was converted to the word dick in the mid 16th century. Okay, Richard's been around that long, that long now, let's see, since one of the noun which is, uh, a penis, which is also defined as a stupid or contemptible man, interesting, that's late 18th century, so 1780s, 90s.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So it's been around a minute A minute. But people have been calling Richard Dick since the mid 16th century.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Or in the general sense, so do you.
Speaker 1:That makes me wonder is Karen gonna eventually like you know how we've made like it said, a whatever whatever man does that mean that karen eventually is going to be not very possible interesting like are we gonna keep turning that into? Interesting you know, I just thoughts I'm having yeah, very, very deep thoughts.
Speaker 2:It's good, good thinking.
Speaker 1:Thanks, babe, you keep encouraging me, that's really good.
Speaker 2:No, it's good, all right. Keep that mind active, use it or lose it, you know.
Speaker 1:That's what they say, and yet you continue to be the smarter one.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to use mine, and I'm trying to use mine as little as possible.
Speaker 1:I use mine as much as I can, and it's still just burning out you gotta.
Speaker 2:You know it's the. It's the trump life theory of like it's a battery and you can't use it up. Have you heard his whole? No, what it's like his philosophy on like exercise and stuff, like the human body is like a battery it only has so much energy and then it like gives out, so you don't want to waste that energy.
Speaker 1:Working out.
Speaker 2:Or yeah, whatever, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's like just science isn't real.
Speaker 2:Sure, it's a different science, for sure.
Speaker 1:Okay, anyway, no, I've not heard that. Yeah, you know everything. Just like take it all in.
Speaker 2:It just doesn't go out. That's kind of the problem. It's wild, yeah. So much useless information all right, so little useful text messages. Text messages guys. You send a lot of text messages, so we're gonna respond to some of those heck yeah thanks for some good ones. Let's go literally like the moment we put the podcast down, we're like, hey guys, can you see if this works?
Speaker 2:you guys came through yeah, you did hey, I heard you guys wanted us to reach out and send a text. My first tattoo was a giant rib piece, but I totally get the small tattoo. Start anyway. Quick question what crime would you be willing to commit if it guaranteed that crime would never take place again? So like if you commit identity theft, no one be able to steal an identity again. That's a pretty good one.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Hmm, so like should you murder somebody so nobody can be murdered ever again?
Speaker 1:No, because I don't think that you don't have that dog in you. I think there are times and places for murder.
Speaker 2:Clip that All right, I like that.
Speaker 1:I like that philosophy Sure.
Speaker 2:Tell me more.
Speaker 1:Tell me more. Tell me more. Is it saying that like self-defense, you know like?
Speaker 2:I don't know if that's murder, but sure Ooh, that is a good point, though, like where Do you know what I'm?
Speaker 1:saying when does the line get drawn? I'm struggling with that.
Speaker 2:Who dictates if it's a crime? Again, we're thinking deep this podcast. We're really like man we're in our bag.
Speaker 1:But do you know what I mean? That's why murder is not the first thing.
Speaker 2:That comes to mind Sure sure. Theft or identity theft isn't a bad one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, theft or identity theft is pretty good.
Speaker 2:Could you steal small and then nobody could ever steal big again. Or fraud, fraud in general.
Speaker 1:We could do steal big again or fraud, fraud in general.
Speaker 2:We could do a big Ponzi scheme. Oh, we go huge. Yeah, does that mean, we don't get?
Speaker 1:caught?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's yeah, what crime are we willing to commit? Are we caught? That is a big caveat here.
Speaker 1:Big time? Cause. If we are, I'm going small.
Speaker 2:Ponzi schemes are so mean, though I know.
Speaker 1:It's just like taking people's money and then leaving them really sad, but then like nobody else ever does that again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know if we want to be the last ones to do it, though they might rename it.
Speaker 1:The best to ever do it. We knocked the whole thing down.
Speaker 2:It's an overbeam scheme. Yeah, I don't like that plan.
Speaker 1:Uh, okay, let me think, I don't know, can we just be like a massive MLM?
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, yeah, those are less mean than Ponzi schemes.
Speaker 1:They're pretty mean. Well, they're mean. It kind of is a Ponzi scheme they are.
Speaker 2:It's a pyramid scheme which again like not good for the people on the bottom, but it's usually not just like it's using like it's like giving them like useless stuff or like not that great of stuff for their money.
Speaker 1:That's a really good question.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to start asking this at parties.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Again, fraud is so broad as a crime, so is theft. Yeah, does that just go away?
Speaker 1:How do people exist? Because I feel like so many people, are fraudulent or thefty?
Speaker 2:Do you require fraud just for like the world? The work kind of a little bit, a little bit. It's a real gray area to like what's fraud and what's it goes back to murder, yeah.
Speaker 1:I definitely can't murder someone.
Speaker 2:No, like I said, you don't have that dog in you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think I would kick a puppy.
Speaker 2:Ooh, animal abuse yeah, all right, sure, I think I could I couldn't kill a dog, but you could have used a dog.
Speaker 1:But if I, if clip that, clip that like do I have to, long term do this because I can't do that? I don't think it has to be a whole brand, okay again.
Speaker 2:I hope we don't have to be convicted. Maybe that's the whole deal. Like you have to be publicly convicted of it, oh God.
Speaker 1:Okay, I can't do it Because animal abuse wouldn't be good. No, that would really hurt my heart.
Speaker 2:Fraud's probably the right way to go. Yeah, I really think like if it's a nice idea, that's pretty cool. I think that's. But I don't want to do what I have to do. I like animal abuse. For your answer, though as a sentence that's one I didn't really think I would ever say Interesting, what a thought, great question. That is a really good question.
Speaker 1:I hope we did a good job with it. I'm also dying laughing that you did like a big rib covering your entire body tattoo and I am like I got tattoos and they're literally like guys. They're so teeny, tiny, like look at how teeny tiny she is.
Speaker 2:There's no way that shows on camera. It's also behind your liquid death.
Speaker 1:It's so teeny tiny Anyway. Resume All right. Right, that's one question. That was a great start guys, really good podcast question.
Speaker 2:I have two things. Ever since joe said that about how saying ma'am is sometimes considered being rude, I overthink every time I say it, which is often, and hope and pray they consider it a southern thing and move along. So thanks for that, that Sorry.
Speaker 1:I have feedback on that, but I'll wait till you're done.
Speaker 2:Two, I feel like my relationship dynamic personality-wise is pretty similar to you guys, except my husband is Joe and I'm Matt. I think that's pretty common. Yeah, yeah, that's not the first time we've heard that Strict religious upbringing and everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, joe's got those dude problems In a lot of ways. The mat views himself negatively. Yeah great, I'm sorry that you share my pain. It's definitely getting worse as the older I get and the more life stresses I have kids, marriage, work, etc. And wonder what is something that has been the most helpful in combating the negative thought processes. I'm not in therapy, but I definitely might need to be. Anyways, thanks. I love the.
Speaker 1:I'm starting with ma'am. Okay, I don't think many people straight out think that you're intending ma'am as rude, yeah, so I think go ahead and ma'am with no thoughts whatsoever. I think that's fine. Just be prepared that somebody may say oh no, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's more about just being open to the feedback, Like if it really bothers somebody, they'll probably say something and then it's just being okay with. Like okay, got it. Culturally, it's not cool for them.
Speaker 1:I would honestly rather say after being like absolutely ripped apart for not saying ma'am in college. I'd rather err on the side of ma'am, because I think the people who want to be called ma'am Really want to be called ma'am are going to be more mad at me than somebody I call ma'am that's not into it, that's not into it. Yeah, I don't think you're going to get ripped apart by a northerner.
Speaker 2:No usually they might be like well, that was weird, but that's the most you're going to get If somebody expects to be called ma'am and you go around not calling them ma'am, they're going to be like that rude, rude person, yeah so, anyway, that's my feedback.
Speaker 2:Especially in Texas, you're on the side of safety. Yeah, that sounded more loaded than it needed to be. You got this Negative self-therapy. Therapy is really important, I don't know. I think one of the things the great things about having kids and having a really negative self-image is understanding that you're not alone and that if I continue to talk about myself negatively or perceive myself negatively and act on that especially act, um, not even ways that I think are visible Everything is visible to your kids, like they see even what you're not trying to show them. Uh, they're very observant, they're very intuitive, um, but the the more negative I feel about myself, the more my kids will see that and they will pick that up.
Speaker 1:Internalize that yeah.
Speaker 2:Uh, that's the thing that always like kind of tries to keep me. When I, when I don't have a lot of self-worth, I still have a lot of worth. Uh, in my kids worth it's not the right word there value, Like they're still very important to me, and so making sure that I'm trying to keep up my own perspective of myself so that they don't enter, because if if you're talking negatively about body is a really easy example, but there's lots of different things you can talk negatively about and they see you and they don't see something wrong with your body, but they see you talking negatively about it, they're going to go oh, was there something wrong with me?
Speaker 1:Well, and I was going to say the same thing, because you do struggle a lot with Body image. No, I was not going body image, I was going with like self-hatred, just in general about like your character and who you are. And I would say, on a daily basis, if not more, somebody is telling our daughter that she is just like her dad.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Like constantly telling everybody how much oh am I going to make you cry? If you keep going, going um but constantly telling us how much she is just like matt, not in, not just in how she looks, but no, it's personality her personality, her behavior, and then for her to see matt struggle so much with accepting himself like that worries me yeah because she constantly, like, sees us be like you're just like your dad, you're just like your dad and like I.
Speaker 1:Every time I say that, think of that as a massive compliment. But if she sees you not liking yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like that is hard the number of times like my therapist or my psych has been like hey, dude, if your kids turn out exactly like you, that's like pretty good, like that's a pretty good person, so maybe don't worry about that so much. Uh, that gets told me a lot.
Speaker 1:Well, I think the thing that you struggle with is you don't want to incorrect me if I'm wrong Um, you don't want them to have the same mental health struggles.
Speaker 2:No, I want them to have a lot of tools that I didn't uh, that still haven't developed fully.
Speaker 1:But I think you loathe yourself for mental health struggles that are not yours to loathe Like, and you don't spend a lot of time looking at your character.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I. Just when they go on for a really long period of time, it's hard to fall back on the intent to be like oh well, my intent was good I get that, but over time the actions have been really destructive. Destructive is extreme, but like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I thought that was actually really perfect.
Speaker 2:They can be destructive, like internally a lot. I'm not doing a lot of like destroying other people. Now, the people that are really close to my orbit can be dragged down, but I'm not like actively destroying people. I agree, I guess is what I was really trying to passively, passively, passively destructive, not passively destroying people.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That sounds really dramatic but like in all seriousness, um, yeah, that's. I think the perspective that really helps the most is like, if you don't have a lot of self-worth, you still affect the people you do value and so do it for them if you don't have the will to do it for yourself in that moment. And then work on valuing yourself so that you can do it for you.
Speaker 1:And another conversation that I have with Matt a lot that he doesn't do but that I would recommend to you is really keeping track of how far you've come rather than continuing to look forward. I think there's this ongoing issue with a lot of family and friends I've talked to that really struggle with self-worth is they dismiss their accomplishments and they dismiss the successes they have and they dismiss the things they have committed to in trade for being harsh on themselves for all the things they haven't done. And there will always be something you haven't done, if that's how you want to talk about yourself, and so keeping a physical list of where things were last year, when you look at the to-do list, focus on what you got done rather than berating yourself for the things you didn't. To-do list focus on what you got done rather than berating yourself for the things you didn't. I think really building yourself up and making it a habit to speak positively of yourself creates long lasting change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think it's funny you had the strict religious upbringing little tag in there and I think that's probably one of my bigger religious traumas. I don't have. You know, there's there's a lot of severe religious trauma you can come through, but I think the biggest one for me has been I came from a background that really um, valued humility, like extreme humility, basically putting yourself down, making yourself low, being less than serving others, and like those are good values to have. But they can really feed into this loop, like I think it's important to serve others, I think it's important to be humble, I think it's important to I do too.
Speaker 1:I just don't think the way humility was defined. Within what? Your upbringing was, is what humility is.
Speaker 2:I think that's where one of my bigger um scars from that comes from is basically it, it really reinforced tearing yourself down and making yourself low, and then like yourself down and making yourself low and then like that's how you can be, uh, the most Christ, like per se Um, and so it really like kind of taught those pathways and made that like okay, cool, like I'm very comfortable tearing myself down and I'm not comfortable building myself up, even if it's extreme and well past where it should be, and so that's probably one of the bigger, bigger marks that that's left on me, you know.
Speaker 1:So good luck with that.
Speaker 2:What a conclusion Anyway, good luck. Yeah, Uh, thinking of you and therapy, therapy. Find somebody, find a professional to tell you what to do. Don't listen to us for everything For sure, all right. Next text Since both of you have siblings, have either of you gone through seasons where you're less close, slash not speaking with them? How did you handle slash? Navigate that emotionally?
Speaker 1:Uh, I never lived in the same state as my sister, so, uh, I never lived in the same state as my sister, so in the seasons we haven't talked. It's not that weird, because you've always had a little bit of a distance, always had a distance. I've always like. I would say, the seasons where we talk more and are closer are actually like to me I mean you can hear the way through this entire episode, listen to how I am.
Speaker 1:I don't tend to focus and like. This is both to my detriment, probably cause it can err on toxic positivity, like. But I am definitely one to focus on what I have and not what I don't. Uh, for the most part not always by any means, but it's like I'm like oh wow, that was really cool that I had that season where we talked a ton.
Speaker 2:Now I'm like and now we're normal, Like, yeah, you know, like there's been a. There was a significant age gap and especially when you're younger, that age gap is pronounced Like if somebody is 15 and you're eight, like you don't have a lot in common, it's. It's not easy to navigate that. And so until you got older, there was a big age gap. There was a physical gap. It makes sense that you've had more seasons of further apart or less in common with your sisters than together. Now you guys are all closer to the same life phase. You all have kids. All that stuff is much more together. I have one brother. Yes, we got through seasons where we don't get along or we don't see eye to eye. Um, we're probably in one of those seasons right now where we don't talk much. Um, I don't know. Like, when you say how do I navigate it emotionally?
Speaker 1:Uh, these seasons are usually the result of me refusing to navigate them emotionally, of kind of checking out and just deciding this space is a priority over conflict or navigating those dynamics, I would say vulnerability over conflict, because I don't think it's like I look at the season you're in right now and I don't know that there's, say, vulnerability or conflict Cause. I don't think it's like I look at the season you're in right now and I don't know that there's a lot of conflict. I do think that there would be a lot of vulnerability that needed to happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and both my brother and I have. I mean, we have similar struggles and we have different struggles and, uh, it's. There's just times where we don't always have the space for each other and we have to kind of hunker down, or we choose to hunker down. I don't know if we have to, but I don't know. There's a lot of growing for me to do.
Speaker 1:And then you married a psychopath.
Speaker 2:That just forces emotional and like relationship vulnerability and like asks the hard questions publicly with everybody involved. And you're just like, oh God Cause I come from a very note like neurodiverse family where we can all sit together for a week and not talk to each other and like that's okay. We leave the week and like that didn't feel weird and Joe's there for like six hours and was like are we not going to do something or talk to each other or have like a deep conversation where we stay up late at night and like talk about our feelings and we're like we've never done that ever and so you're really good for us.
Speaker 1:I cause problems.
Speaker 2:It's caused some things, but no, I don't know. That's somewhere that I have a lot of growing to do, so I don't know that I have good advice, but you're not alone and, uh, just because they're your sibling like you didn't choose your siblings you may not have things in common with them that you hope to have.
Speaker 1:I also think that sibling relationships can be really seasonal too. Like not for everybody. Some people it's ride or die, and I think that's great, but I think it's also okay to know that you can always come back together after some space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's. I think that's a problem with not a problem, but that's a that's common with a lot of I'm going to call it forced relationships, like relationships that you don't choose. You don't choose your family, and so there are going to be times where, unless you choose not to be there, you're forced to be around each other, even if you're not in a season where that is something you would choose, and so, uh, that can be tough if one or multiple people are struggling, and so I don't know. Deep thoughts that's just the name of this episode Deep thoughts with Joe and Matt. All right, let's get to another one. Hi, joe and Matt, I'm wondering if you have any advice on how to deal with having a job you hate.
Speaker 2:I'm a marketing student currently working at my first internship and it feels like it's been the longest four months of my life, and I still have two more months until the internship is done. Knowing I have an end date definitely helps, but I still wake up every morning dreading going to work. I'm trying to remind myself often that this is me getting work experience and will be helpful in my future career regardless, but it's getting so hard to stay positive. Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be appreciated. Also, do you have any tips on how to kill time while sitting in an office all day? Your podcast is always a highlight of my Wednesday work days. Thanks. Tips on dealing with a job you hate.
Speaker 1:Man, I give bad advice.
Speaker 2:Do you?
Speaker 1:My answers always quit. Oh, okay, and I know that that is not yeah it's not a viable option for a lot of people.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, it's not Um.
Speaker 2:I'd be hungering, hunkering down and saving as much as I possibly can with an internship and, like you're probably in a run out the clock situation, um, it is as much as it sucks to be in it. It's good to have the information on, like, what you don't like. Now, if this is a job or a career that you're in, um, there's either opportunities to talk to somebody, uh, but you know, talk to your boss, talk to your manager, um, if it's like a career type role, or and say, hey, like, maybe they have advice for you. If you don't have a mentor relationship like that, um, then it's, it's probably yeah, some of it is perspective about, hey, this job is an ends to a means Like this is allowing me to do something else, or this is allowing me, like, financially supporting me Means to an end.
Speaker 2:Ends to a means. Is that what I said?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, means to an end.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that never happened. So my brain was like that's only your thing, all this time.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, you're like wait. Am I an idiot again? Yeah, no, quite literally yeah, I messed that up. Uh, yeah, there are like. The problem is there are seasons, even in great jobs, where it might not be the most fun thing to do um, like doing, like doing social media. There are seasons where it is not fun, um, there are parts of the job that are not fun. Um, even though, that it it, there are a lot of great things about the job.
Speaker 2:So, some of it is keeping in mind that there is no perfect job and there will be aspects of any job that aren't fun, that aren't great, that don't fill you up. Um, there's some of that and then there's some of like if it is truly intolerable, then it's. Then it's time to look elsewhere. But it's a lot of a lot of perspective and sometimes it's like I got to strap in for this amount of time to get this experience, to go on to the next level, to do the thing I want to do. Um, because in our society sometimes that's just how things work. If you're in a a career like that, sometimes it's a paying your dues situation which sucks, and it is not advice that people like to hear, but try and use that. Try and use that discomfort to be like, hey, I want to move on, I want to get past this phase. I think is probably the best productive advice I could give out of that. Use that discomfort.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that Stamp of approval All right.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, again there's. I haven't had a job that I've really hated, but I have had seasons in jobs where I've really dreaded it. Uh, I remember being an engineering consultant and, uh, things were slow, so there wasn't a lot of work. And when you have to make all your hours billable and at the end of the week you're like I don't know where to put my hours. I can't put them all to overhead. I worked on these jobs and like you're having to do that whole shuffle and song and dance, it's not comfortable.
Speaker 2:And going into work when you're not sure what you have to work on in a job like that, Like there were times it was like, oh man, I do not uh, look forward to the day, but also, I mean it's, there's some motivation to it too. And then when you get work coming across your table, you're like, all right, let's get this done, let's. It makes you grateful for the times that don't suck as much. And uh, I don't know, Work, work should be something that allows you to live your life, but sometimes, uh, that doesn't feel good. What a downer, what a downer to end that on. Um, all right, cool Transitions, slaying, Great, Fun question. Let's do that? Do your coffee drink? Flavor preferences change with the seasons? If so, how? For example, I prefer more teas and berry flavors over the summer than something like cinnamon or chai in the winter. Love you in the pod.
Speaker 1:I would say my caffeine. I wouldn't say coffee, but my caffeine preferences. Spring and summer I'm much more inclined to do an Alani or an energy drink.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Um, in the fall and winter I'm more inclined to do a coffee or a latte or something.
Speaker 2:Mine don't change.
Speaker 1:No, I knew that was going to be your answer. Mine are cold beverages.
Speaker 2:Mine are always cold.
Speaker 1:I don't like a hot beverage very rarely, unless it's like there are a handful of nuanced exceptions to that, like a hot chocolate on a snowy day when you come inside like there there are a handful of exceptions, but not many.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't love like a chocolate or cinnamon beverage very often Like it's just a flavor profile. I don't. It doesn't feel right drinking to me.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but like I love a cinnamon roll.
Speaker 2:I love to eat cinnamon. Cinnamon in food makes sense to me. Cinnamon in a drink is always a little bit like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I like my drinks sweet and cold, it's weird that you fixated on the cinnamon part, but yeah, yeah, just like I'm trying to think like chocolate.
Speaker 2:I don't like chocolate drinks. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I hear you Like, like, it's just that kind of milk, it's that kind of uh makes me feel sick to my tummy, though what?
Speaker 2:Somebody just texted us and said text, cause I heard you're sad Nobody has texted you and I wanted to be the first. We appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very much, thank you.
Speaker 2:All right, let's do another one. Hi, love listening to you guys. I have a question how did you guys know you were ready to have kids? For context, I'm 27. My husband is about to be 30. We got married this past October. We both have good jobs as nurses and want to have kids. I'm not on birth control and we're open to having kids at any time, but we're still trying to fix up our 1890 farmhouse and enjoy the first year of marriage.
Speaker 1:Thanks, no rush. Yeah, I'm big on no rush.
Speaker 2:Um, if you have big priorities or things that you want to get done, uh, prioritize that. I would say.
Speaker 1:I really wanted to have kids. While my mom and I had uh were able to like talk about her experience being pregnant with me, Um, and like her experience raising me, and so I felt a little bit more on a time crunch just because of my mom's health and like a lot of things happened in 2019 to 2022 with my mom's health, that I wasn't confident that she would be there to have a lot of those conversations, mm-hmm, and so that, I think, really swayed. Obviously, the first things were like are we financially secure?
Speaker 1:Are we um like? Are we housed, Are we jobbed, are we like? You know, those important things we felt in a good place in our mental health at the time, which is kind of which is kind of funny, because I feel like when we chose to have our first child, we were in a really good spot and through that pregnancy some things happened like on the personal side of things that just we've really struggled the last couple of years.
Speaker 1:Yeah so it's been interesting juggling parenthood and the start to parenthood and like kind of a down season parenthood and like kind of a down season. So I would say I mean pending major medical issues which you know, obviously that's kind of what, uh, we ran into. I uh, I think making sure you're in a season where you have a lot of availability, like I think that's the biggest thing I wish I would have changed is I wish, since we were planning and knowing when we were going to have kids, that I would have been in a place mentally to put my foot down more, because I was five weeks postpartum and I was traveling to Missouri with my five week old while to help out with my mom, while Matt and my dad went on a fishing trip that was planned prior to and like we gave approval for and all of that.
Speaker 1:But I'm sitting here now looking back and I'm like that was crazy. One, that shouldn't have been asked of me. Two, I shouldn't have said yes, like, like looking back, but it was my first baby. Like I, I didn't know what things were going to be. Like I didn't know, you know. And like, looking back, I'm like that was a season that the people around me should have been taking care of me, um, and I don't know that I've ever been very good at putting my foot down in that regard, and so I'd like that would be the feedback I would give, not necessarily like that's obviously a really niche situation, but like making sure that you're in a place where you're ready to put your foot down and be like this is the family I'm making and this is the family I'm going to prioritize.
Speaker 2:Yeah and is uh, but yeah, if you've got, if you've got bigger priorities and you've got things you want to get done, um, having a kid is not going to make that easier.
Speaker 1:No, Um, not to say it's also not going to make it impossible, it's not impossible either for sure.
Speaker 2:But if it's not like you feel up against a timeline, make sure you're in a position where you feel like you can take on the challenge. If it feels overwhelming, it probably will feel overwhelming once you have a kid. If you feel like, okay, I think we're in a position where we can figure this out, then maybe it's in the cards. I agree so, but good luck to you. Texting about a heavy topic. Yes, I tried to keep it succinct.
Speaker 2:I have a terrible relationship with one of my sisters and I have a lot of guilt and uncertainty about what to do about it, particularly because I'm expecting my first baby and I have intense anxiety about her being around my child. I have three younger but have issues with the second, who's only a few years younger. Our personalities in our lives have been very different. She has a habit of making things about herself and likes to push buttons by being extremely inflammatory or negative. She had a meltdown about being single and comparing our bodies shortly after I got engaged, for example. I truly believe that she has our mom's borderline personality disorder and our dad's narcissism. That sounds like a rough family dynamic.
Speaker 2:Following a huge fight years ago, I've worked hard not to engage with her, remain neutral and calm and protect my mental health. I moved several states away and feel relief that I won't be interacting with her regularly, but anxiety about the pressure from our parents to maintain a relationship and invite her to stay at some point, especially since I talk with my other two sisters regularly and already discussed hosting them. However, my biggest concern is handling her interacting with my baby. She's hit my dog in front of me and talked about her support of corporal punishment for kids and did not see the issue in suggesting her friend leave children. She's babysitting in a car in the middle of the summer last year while running an errand. My husband and I are both in agree, turns out there's a length limit on this, but uh, I think we got enough of a question here yeah, I, I think that's one of those things that, like the pressure from other people, doesn't matter if you know your boundary and know where you're.
Speaker 1:Um know what you think and feel. Like to me, from everything you've just said, you know what you think and how you feel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it sounds like the people you're getting pressure from, you know, aren't maybe the most uh, reliable people to be accepting pressure from.
Speaker 1:And I know it stinks to get negative feedback. Trust me, like I, I get that, but sometimes you just have to let things be what they will be.
Speaker 2:Especially as you become a mom, you're going to probably have to get better at it. Um, you're going to get feedback on shit you don't need or want feedback on a hundred percent and uh, that there are people not qualified to give you the feedback that you're going to get. Usually it's the people least qualified to give it that have it to give. But yeah, and it kind of sounds like this person like does your sister really want to be involved with your kid?
Speaker 2:Who knows I mean like if not, I definitely wouldn't make it happen and I would definitely be cautious and like, vocalize, Like if it. If it comes to a point where the your sister is around your kid, you might have to just confront it directly and be like, hey, this is where it's at, and if that's different, then this will go ahead and just cease to happen. Yeah, this will terminate our relationship for the season, if any of this is deviated from, but I think that's really it.
Speaker 1:We've talked a lot about siblings.
Speaker 2:We have. It's been a sibling drama season, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But this is a little beyond drama.
Speaker 1:No, that's like kind of scary Definitely, and yeah, trust kind of scary.
Speaker 2:Definitely. And yeah, trust your gut on those things. Don't ignore your feelings about concern with other people. That's usually something in your brain that sees something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't disagree with that. Okay, we liked the text.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the text worked really well, guys, that was fun. I'm sure we had emails and other stuff too. So keep the texts up. We'll keep the emails and everything going as well.
Speaker 1:Voicemails. I know we have some voicemails, but we'll hit them next week. Yeah, yeah. We love you guys Maybe if we have enough of this stuff about what we're going to do in terms of the refresh of the podcast and monetizing the podcast, and I think Matt and I are both leaning a Patreon route of things yeah uh, and so what we're trying to decide is how we are going to continue free content for you guys as well, and what that's going to look like.
Speaker 2:So we'll be keeping you updated, cause it is really like when you're asking people to um pay for content, you want to make sure you're providing value, and so it's like is it an additional episode? Like, is it, you know, voicemail, specific episodes? Is it like special something, live stream, whatever it is um some kind of interaction further with the content or is it, yeah, anyway, we don't know, but we're thinking about it. I agree but we'll be here next week. We will free yeah Doing all this stuff.
Speaker 1:So all right, love y'all.
Speaker 2:See y'all then Bye.