Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Oversharing with the Overbys
Horses and Emails
This week on Oversharing we reminisce about "The Saddle Club" and our general thoughts on and experiences with horses. We're sharing tales of animal aversion and ranching romances that never quite took off, and we promise you'll be reaching for your headphones faster than you can say 'giddy up.'
The focus of the week is voicemails and emails, but we get a few of Greg's Reads in this week before we tackle everything from managing health and energy levels to the trials of meal planning with a picky toddler. We get to a definitive breakfast food hierarchy and get into the delicate dance of cohabitation and relationships. Whether it's navigating expectations and timelines in long-term partnerships or tips and tricks on wedding planning and registries - there's something for everyone on this episode. And for a dash of frivolity, we're hashing out the comical disputes over misheard song lyrics that keep marriage interesting.
So, settle in for a dose of laughs, life lessons, and a touch of reality from your friends at Oversharing.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing. We're back again. We did it.
Speaker 1:We're back, baby.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's two weeks in a row now. Pretty good, we're on a roll. Yeah, this is us. You're, I don't know. Top 25 podcast for people.
Speaker 1:What show was it? You're not going to know because it was a very girly pop show in middle school, don't?
Speaker 2:pigeonhole me.
Speaker 1:Oh man, Now I can't even remember.
Speaker 2:Zoe 101.
Speaker 1:No, I think it was a horse girl show and they had this whole intro song. That was really good and it was in my head for a second, but then I said what I said, and now all I can think of is this is real, this is me, which is not what I was thinking of originally.
Speaker 2:So I was just trying to think of funny fake horse TV show names and I didn't come up with any good.
Speaker 1:There's probably a lot of things out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, I felt like there was just there had to be something there.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is really going to kill me.
Speaker 2:I'm going to you. You talk to the people.
Speaker 1:I'm going to Google it.
Speaker 2:Oh, talk to the people Don't put me on the spot, it's uncomfortable. Well, I think we're going to do a lot of voicemails today, not voicemails, emails. I got a bunch. We catch up on that stuff. So sometimes people try to ask us like timely questions and sometimes we get it. And then sometimes it's like, hey, I've got something coming up in the next week and, um, we're reading it three months later.
Speaker 1:I got it Okay. First I'm going to sing the intro for anybody that wants to take a guess at what the show is. Hello world, this is me hello world.
Speaker 3:This is me life should be. No, you don't know.
Speaker 2:No, okay, nope, that's all oh, this is like a cliffhanger the saddle club man. Yeah I should have come up with that I'll make you watch later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I was such a horse girl.
Speaker 2:You really were.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the only Barbie thing I had was Barbie Horse Rider Barbie. I think it was Barbie Horse Rider.
Speaker 2:That's probably not right. That can't be right. You had a game like a PlayStation 2 game. I know.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm talking about. But was it Barbie Horse Rider?
Speaker 2:Horse, barbie Adventure Time.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know what You're right, I Horse Barbie.
Speaker 2:Adventure Time. Oh, you know what? You're right? I think it's. Oh, am I?
Speaker 1:I made it like the worst sounding name I could come up with.
Speaker 2:No, but I think it's like Horse Adventure or something like that. Oh.
Speaker 1:Barbie Horse Adventure yeah.
Speaker 2:That actually feels pretty right.
Speaker 1:That sounds a lot more right than Barbie Horse Rider that feels wrong.
Speaker 2:It doesn't sound right, no.
Speaker 1:No, I was like horses I don't get around them much, but I like them.
Speaker 2:My father, has a saying about horses yeah, yeah, yeah, all horses are brown and all horses stink. Couldn't be more wrong. I mean, it's factually at least 50% wrong. I do think most of them don't smell great, but I know they're not all brown.
Speaker 1:They don't smell that bad. What are you? I don't know.
Speaker 2:My dad rode a motorcycle and he grew up on a farm and his sister's horse she liked horses and it kicked over his motorcycle and I think he rode off the entire species 100%. I don't think he cared for them before and I think he hated them after.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So Mark Overby's got a little black and white thinking to him too yeah, I uh, I really loved it yeah I'm glad I got out of it because I so for those of you that don't know I grew up riding horses like I got put in lessons and actually I think they started me in lessons because my mom was doing some horseback therapy like to help with her balance and stuff, when she was early diagnosed, and I would go to horse camp in the summer where it was like two weeks long, that I would get dropped off and I would be there at the barn every day and we'd learn all about everything. But I rode for not too long, like four to five years probably, uh, and I did some shows and all of that, but it's a very, very expensive sport, so I didn't. I didn't stick it out very long.
Speaker 2:I believe there's a picture of me about three years old on a horse.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 2:I don't think I have been on a horse since that photo was taken.
Speaker 1:We should go sometime. We should do trail rides or something That'd be fun.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't trust it.
Speaker 1:You don't. You're just going to accept your dad's word as Bible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, everybody knows I'm a follower. Okay, no, yeah, everybody knows I'm a follower, okay, no, I just, uh, I've never been that interested.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't know how I feel about it, like a vehicle that, uh, has a mind of its own you know, if I would have fallen in love with somebody that like ranched, that like, like did that, maybe I could have stuck it out.
Speaker 4:I will style.
Speaker 1:No, I mean, if I'm going to do it, yeah, no, I'm more mean, like you know how a lot of young girls are like, or you like I feel like I talked to a lot of women now who their dream is to have five, 10 acres and have horses, or have goats, cattle, whatever. And yeah, that's not my dream Because you're not interested in it at all. It would have to be a shared responsibility. That is never something I'm doing completely on my own.
Speaker 2:Ostrich farming.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, you're literally just sitting there trying to think of things you think might be funny, aren't you? That's what.
Speaker 2:I do most of this podcast.
Speaker 1:That explains why you can never have a conversation with me.
Speaker 2:Hey now, hey now, Don't hurt my feelers, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to bring a little pep to it this week.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:I feel like a strong wind might knock you over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've not been feeling my best for words.
Speaker 2:If anyone can just like diagnose mystery diseases through video, check out YouTubecom and see if you can tell what's wrong with Joe.
Speaker 1:I think I look fine, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe there's just a telltale sign. Maybe you have like a twitch or something. Like a tilt yeah like a tick, and they're like oh my, my goodness, that means you have, uh, this rare bone cancer I hope not, but I guess yeah, that's more what I'm talking about I?
Speaker 1:I don't know what's up with me. I genuinely think so. I'll give everybody the background. Then we'll start getting into emails and stuff today. Uh, do we want to do greg's reads and stuff, everything, like I think?
Speaker 2:we got some at the beginning okay.
Speaker 1:So I'll fill you guys in on my how I've been feeling, but then we'll kind of jump into our little segments and then we're just going to do emails and voicemails this week Catch up. Um, you guys have been writing in like crazy and leaving emails or leaving voicemails really consistently and we've not been able to quite catch up. So, uh, the last couple of weeks really the big well, no, since, okay, I had the world's worst period a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 2:Not that you guys need that much information but I think that's kind of when we mentioned it.
Speaker 1:That's kind of when me being so out of it started.
Speaker 2:Do you think you bled all of the iron out of your body?
Speaker 1:No, I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's how that works.
Speaker 1:I don't think it necessarily. I'm just saying that that's a starting point. So when I talked about that a couple weeks ago and since then I have been so worn out yeah, I have not been my pep-pep self, and so Matt and I in that time, have picked up. We've been going to the gym every single day, which I thought, okay, I'm worn out because I'm not taking care of myself, I need to get more sleep, I need to be prioritizing moving my body, and I have felt only worse.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think your body's missing some aspect of fuel, vitamins, nutrients, something I think it needs a little hit with some multivitamin action. See if it puts any.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have an entire meal plan that I need to put in place and start.
Speaker 2:Which means I need to go to the grocery store.
Speaker 1:Yeah, these are all real things I need to.
Speaker 2:Anyway, our toddler informed me that we're out of popsicles. So Ah, priorities. I mean it's a staple here.
Speaker 1:Okay, hit me with Greg's reads of the week. Greg is my dad. He is a wonderful fella and he loves to read news. He's been reading a lot of news and he likes to send those articles to his favorite children, which is all of his children. Oh no, he loves all of them equally. Be quiet, we're top three.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are, no, I, we're top three.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we are.
Speaker 3:No, I'm not top three. You're top three.
Speaker 1:I think he includes you as his actual children. I don't think I'm top three.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't think I'm top five.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:I think I'm bottom of the roster, harsh, I know it's okay, I'm top 10. Anyway, we rate the articles that he sends us and the headlines on how much anxiety they give us on a scale of one to five. Matt, please Let me hit you with one right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why your skin gets crepey as you age and what you can do about it. I think it's creepy, creepy, creepy it's the word crepe like the thin pancake with a Y crepey, crepey. And then they have a role of like that wrinkled ribbon stuff. I'm assuming that's some kind of what is that called?
Speaker 1:Uh, it's called.
Speaker 2:I don't know, oh shoot.
Speaker 1:I do.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like a bandaging.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not what I would, no that's a different thing that looks the same. Zero out of five Aging doesn't really worry me that much.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Two out of five. I have a hard time with time. I don't want to look crepey. I don't want to look like this.
Speaker 1:But if I do, I do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not. I know I won't consistently show up with a regiment that will effectively combat that if it really requires something specific.
Speaker 1:So drinking water.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably so. There's water in this diet, pepsi. That's not how that works.
Speaker 1:We have a friend that at one point tried to convince us that drinking diet sodas was enough.
Speaker 2:Caffeinated diet, sodas especially yeah.
Speaker 1:That was mind boggling and I feel like with that statement you kind of gave off that energy.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, that I was doing it facetiously.
Speaker 1:I know you were doing it as a bit, but it reminded me of that. Caffeine is a diuretic guys.
Speaker 2:It dehydrates you. Clear sodas, it's kind of a gray area Like it doesn't. They don't super dehydrate you, but they're not especially hydrating either, partially because of carbonation.
Speaker 1:Carbonation makes it less hydrating.
Speaker 2:I mean then also like the sugars and stuff.
Speaker 1:They're just kind of neutral. So what about, like a sparkling water?
Speaker 2:I mean, I think that's mostly hydrating.
Speaker 1:Okay, If you're going for peak hydration like water Flat water, mineral water maybe that's what I got here in my cup.
Speaker 2:A little flat water, all right. Ooh, why was that funny? Of all the things I've said, you laughed at flat water. Let's take a beat. Don't spit water out on the podcast, all right, I'll go ahead and read the next article while you get that down. Speaking of water why you should embrace using cold water almost all the time.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:How do you feel about it? Zero out of five. Zero out five, that's one out of five. It's pretty close to how I feel about it. I read it. It's mainly like energy consumption oh, okay like, if you don't use hot water, you don't. You waste energy, yeah that's fair.
Speaker 1:I don't feel like we use that much hot water in our house we don't use.
Speaker 2:Use a ton, no.
Speaker 1:We're pretty mellow, I take a tub.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's not the least amount of hot water, no I was just thinking of what I do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's our biggest, but I feel like people who take showers like, who are really into hot showers, like long hot showers that's way more water than a tub.
Speaker 2:Eh, you don't think? No, the math doesn't usually tend to go that way. Really, I think you'd have to take like a 30 minute shower or something, oh, to actually like pull that off, because I think that it's like two between two and three gallons a minute on like a high flow shower head, okay, and there's a lot of gallons in a bathtub.
Speaker 1:I am a quick shower too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like in and out of there I think a lot of them are under two gallons a minute, I think. Why do I know that?
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Why do I know that? Hmm, all right, one more. This very cheap breakfast could be the secret to a much health they cut off. Healthier life is how it ends oh, okay. I clicked in.
Speaker 1:This cheap breakfast. One out of five, that's been really low anxiety this week Low key. Yeah, no, I'm good.
Speaker 2:You want to know what it is Porridge.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like porridge.
Speaker 2:Is porridge like a specific thing, or is it just like oatmeal?
Speaker 1:No, it's its own, it's Well, I think it's its own thing.
Speaker 2:Ooh, I think it might be like a genre, it might be like sandwich and like there's lots of types of sandwiches out there.
Speaker 1:Possibly. Yeah, I don't really know, but I like porridge.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I like porridge, I like oatmeal, I like breakfast food.
Speaker 2:I was going to say are you about to try and wrap this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, eat, eat, eat, eat Okay.
Speaker 2:Do we need to do any more?
Speaker 1:No, we did three. Oh, we did three, that's right.
Speaker 2:We're doing three now We've been doing three for months.
Speaker 1:What's happening, sir? Check in. I thought you were the one that was going to show up and show out today I was bringing energy, but that throws my focus. I don't know what to say.
Speaker 2:Where's your focus when you don't have the energy, then let's not get into it, I don't know. Okay, my focus is waning.
Speaker 1:Do you want to start with voicemails or do you want to start with emails?
Speaker 2:If you've got a voicemail ready to go, you can. Otherwise, I know I've got a few emails.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know what I've got?
Speaker 3:Ready to rock?
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't think I can play very much of that, or we can get in trouble.
Speaker 2:You think Saddle Club is pretty litigious?
Speaker 1:Probably. I think that song is like a pretty popular song.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I don't know why I think that.
Speaker 2:Are you sure it doesn't just sound like a really popular song? Uh, no. Because if it's specifically about like that show, I don't know that it's that popular.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But I don't know if it is.
Speaker 1:I genuinely like I'm not sure.
Speaker 2:Our forte is really just winging it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're not wrong.
Speaker 2:Speak with authority and carry a big stick.
Speaker 1:Carry a big stick is kind of my life plan. You've nailed it honestly, All right.
Speaker 2:Oh, voicemail, she's ready. Hi, matt and Joe.
Speaker 3:I hope you can hear me. I'm in the car driving and catching up on the last few weeks podcast, but I just had a question. I live in an apartment and we don't have laundry. So we bought a little tiny washer that we hook up to our shower and then we have drying racks. Um, and it works great, except for sometimes our clothes dry like a little crunchy and I didn't know, since Matt only dries a very small percentage, what the his routine is for drying clothes. If you put like something in them when you wash them, my fiancee spares that fabric softener helps. I don't know that really does, but always make sure that they're on the drying rack and they're like very separated and they have some sort of airflow on them like a fan. But but if you have any other tips, that'd be great. Thanks, bye.
Speaker 2:So that speeds it up. I usually try to get air around them just so it dries faster, because if you don't, then it could take a long time. As for the crunchiness, I just embrace the crunchiness. My jeans have never been crunchier. I don't dry my jeans real often and they're just real crunchy until you put them on and then you wear them and then they go back to normal.
Speaker 1:So that's what I was about to say, as my response is um, if you, as you're folding all of the things, like if it feels crunchy at first, if you pick it up and you like, just whip it yeah, like whip it in the air a couple of times and get it to move around, or you don't have the option Like what I, I, you don't have this option.
Speaker 2:I'm about to tumble dry it with no heat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll sometimes, when they're done drying, toss stuff into the dryer so that it gets kind of rocked around a little bit with no heat Cause. Isn't that just from it being still in that position? Yeah, I think it just kind of dries that way and then your fibers are set. Also, fabric softener is like really bad for your clothes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was about to say don't use fabric softener. Yeah, I don't even really remember why. I think it's like it coats the fibers, but then that doesn't do good things for the fibers. It's something I've never really used fabric softener.
Speaker 1:Like I didn't. I knew that one we did. We grew up using it and I remember when we moved in together I had it and you were like no, and then you gave me a whole lesson and I remember it.
Speaker 3:Did I.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it coats the fibers and it permanently. Over time it builds up the fibers, which changes the way your fabrics feel over time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think they can trap smells and stuff. For us too it kind of makes them stickier in a way. Yeah, and then if you stop using it, like anyway whole thing, I mean, you do you?
Speaker 1:Yes, if you just love fabric softener, if that is like your thing and you love it and it works for you, great, we don't care, they're your clothes. I like the way it's like I miss the way fabric softener smells.
Speaker 2:You can it if you want.
Speaker 1:The nice part, though, is really like my clothes last forever with you doing them. That's because they're like gently cleaned and then dried via breeze.
Speaker 2:I really want a clothes line. Yeah, that would be very helpful.
Speaker 1:That's like I really think we should do a clothes line in the warmer months. Yeah, because I think that also helps with the stiffness. Yeah, Something about the sun.
Speaker 2:Oh, probably.
Speaker 1:Sun-dried clothes, and also sun-dried clothes helps with stains too.
Speaker 2:It can. It can also create different kinds of stains by sun-bleaching things if it's left out there too long. Fun fact, I have a couple things that have been sun-bleached before by accident. Not cool. It's hard to undo sun bleaching. The best you can try and do is even it, which is evening with staining is not an easy technique and I don't recommend it to anyone that doesn't have to do it. It's tricky. But yeah, the crunchiness. I don't even love the crunchiness feeling.
Speaker 1:I hate it.
Speaker 2:I don't like it, but I've just embraced it.
Speaker 1:That's why I do what I do Like I have found that it does ease up, like it doesn't, because I will not put it on my body crunchy.
Speaker 2:I will. It goes away really fast, like your body heat, like just kind of knocks it out, is that?
Speaker 1:what it is. The lack of heat. Well, I like just kind of knocks it out. Is that what it is?
Speaker 2:The lack of heat, like well, I think your body heat and your movement like break it up.
Speaker 1:I think it just says I just want to understand why it's crunchy.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think it's just like dried, like like you said, it's all like lined up and then the the water evaporates out and you're just left with these dry fibers and you're just left with these dry fibers.
Speaker 4:Okay, hi Joe and Matt, this is Kayla. I love you guys' podcast. Listen to it every single week. So sad when you guys don't record, so please don't do that again. But I understand like life happens. I just wanted to call in today because I wanted to ask you guys an F Mary Kill scenario for pancakes, french toast and waffles. I also just love your pups and your whole family and would love to send you guys bandanas one day. I own a little Paula Remp boutique. I'm really interested to know how you guys rank the pancakes, waffles and French toast.
Speaker 2:That's a great question.
Speaker 1:Also. We love some pet bandanas. We do we vibe on the bandanas. That's really cool that you do that. I have an answer. Do you have any answer? Oh yeah, okay, I'm ready. Okay.
Speaker 2:Hath Mary kill.
Speaker 1:Okay, pancakes. Oh wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.
Speaker 2:No, I was just going to lay it back out.
Speaker 1:Okay. That's very kill pancakes w F.
Speaker 2:Yeah, f.
Speaker 4:Oh, we're going together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, one, two, three Waffle French toast.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:You counted me down and I just blew it Did you guys just see how that went.
Speaker 1:I go three, two, one.
Speaker 4:And then I thought about it.
Speaker 1:And then I get in the tire.
Speaker 2:You put me on the spot and my brain's like oh, are you sure?
Speaker 1:Well, Brayden's like oh, are you sure? Well, I asked if you had it before I started. Okay, I guess we won't do it like that Waffles.
Speaker 2:I think it's French toast for me. Wait, wait, wait wait. But I think I'm wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:No I F waffles.
Speaker 2:You F waffles. I think F-ing waffles is the right choice, yeah. I know I I said French toast and now I don't even believe in my answer.
Speaker 1:Okay, you can swap it up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the occasional waffle is the way to go.
Speaker 1:Okay, mary, french toast, french toast, yeah, I mean French toast. Yeah, absolutely. Pancakes are the worst of the bunch Gotta go, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you love pancakes, hmm, but I mean.
Speaker 1:I love all three of Three of those things yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then pancakes. You can go ahead and kill pancakes, but waffles have their own little syrup units, you know. Oh, like the holder, I mean the grit. Yeah, they have their own little syrup holders.
Speaker 1:It's perfect.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then French toast is just the superior breakfast item out of those three.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's not even comparable.
Speaker 2:A french toast like could cure my life wow, I should probably give you some because you could be victorian french toast is like my.
Speaker 1:I think that's my favorite food. Oh, my grandmother's victorian french toast dang, I'll say it it's, uh, it's a big statement yeah, I get sick every time I eat it, because I not yeah, we shouldn't give that to you from just a slice like Like. I like way overdo it.
Speaker 2:Gorge yourself on it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I gorge myself on Victorian French toast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pancakes just can't compete. There's like special pancakes, but that's the whole thing.
Speaker 1:But even the special pancakes I don't think can compete, like if you take the best pancake I've ever had against the best French toast I've ever had Not even close. Even the best pancake I've ever had doesn't come up against a mid-French toast for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the correct answer.
Speaker 1:Now a great pancake is better than a bad French toast.
Speaker 2:I mean, a bad French toast can be pretty gross.
Speaker 1:And waffles are really only better than pancakes because they have syrup compartments.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think they're crunchier. I like the crunch of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they are crunchier, I agree.
Speaker 2:I think I like a crunchier texture, so pancakes are this for me, not your vibe. Got it, got it, got it An easy third place.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Love to hear it. We've got a listener with a theory here in our email.
Speaker 1:Okay, I haven't even read it. I can just tell them About the world or about.
Speaker 2:I haven't read it yet, so they've got a theory though the sister and friend theory.
Speaker 2:My listener in Love the Podcast came to a realization and now have a theory. I have four older sisters and it recently occurred to me that 95% of my friends have at least one, if not all, sisters. Then I started to think about the girls I haven't necessarily vibed with throughout high school, college and my adult life, and all of those girls have one thing in common they don't have sisters. The person in my life that sticks out the most is my sister-in-law. She only has brothers and it really shows. I truly believe if you grew up with a sister or sisters, you are more likely to be a girl's girl, and that sister of yours has 1000% humbled you in the best way.
Speaker 1:Completely disagree. I could go on and on, Anyway.
Speaker 2:Joe, can you relate to this?
Speaker 1:I know you have sisters Do you feel like most of your friends have at least one, if not all, sisters. No, very few of my friends have sisters.
Speaker 2:Ah, interesting, some of them have sisters. Maybe you guys just want to get along.
Speaker 1:You're right. No, I think this is one of those things that boils down to they're good and bad people, and you're happening to draw conclusions about that.
Speaker 2:Correlation does not equal causation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, correlation does not mean causation. In this, I actually think that we have a tendency to surround ourselves with friends unbeknown to us that have similar traumas or similar like spots or tough things in their lives.
Speaker 1:I have a lot of friends with parents who have needed care and I have a lot of friends who have also lost parents which I didn't know when I was making friends with them. It's not like something we connected with, like connected over, initially. It's just something that we've found out along the way. I don't know Like. I think that I would be looking into other parts of that that you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that we do tend to um, if nothing else, it's easier to relate to people that have had similar experiences to us, and so it probably gives you a really like an easier point of entry with people. Um, I have a real blend of yeah like, because I was trying to think of like some of the things you may relate to people with are not necessarily like. This is something like sisters.
Speaker 1:My very best friend in the entire world has one sister, but then beyond that, I have a mix of sisters, brothers, I actually think sometimes I've struggled with girls that have sisters around their age, not because they're not fantastic, but because, uh, they have their sisters.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:Like I will always be third, fourth, fifth, sixth pick, and completely justifiably in my opinion, because I'm like big about when you really connect with your family, like nothing's ever gonna to probably come above that Because you just have bonds and experiences that are going to hold you together in a way that some people don't.
Speaker 1:I didn't grow up with my sisters in the house with me, so we don't have a lot of that early childhood Some like we have, some not none or anything, but not the way that some people that I talked to. I'm like, oh wow.
Speaker 2:That was the other part I was going to say. Is you kind of have a hybrid situation?
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:Like you didn't. I'm kind of an only child. You're a like half only child.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:With sisters.
Speaker 1:So I'm complicated, so you may not like me very much in real life Could be. It could be that. I also think it depends on where people fall in birth order. I think it depends on parents. So many different things so I don't know.
Speaker 2:Birth order is wild, but it's real. Nothing like having kids to realize that birth order theory makes sense.
Speaker 1:I never had to share a room or a bathroom and it shows that's true it shows that's true. It shows it's disgusting. That's not a strong quality of mine. It's something that I have really worked on from the moment I left for college.
Speaker 2:It's insufferable, you had a tough transition to college life with that sharing spaces. Not that you're even a big control person, just like no, it wasn't that.
Speaker 1:It was like I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 2:Faux pas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like that sounds so silly, but I didn't know what to do. And all of my roommates my freshman year all no, they didn't.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't know where you were going.
Speaker 1:Had siblings Most of them had siblings, um, and they just like knew what to do, like they knew what living with people was like and I didn't, because I had my like in the house I grew up in. Like the bedrooms and my parents, like primary suite, were separated by living spaces, so like I had my own little like space of the house yeah like I lived very on my own yeah, it wasn't, you weren't sharing space with anyone no one
Speaker 1:yeah, that makes sense so I don't know I don't know if we provided any good insight. I like I didn't have a lot of household chores growing up. I had a lot of out, like I am really good at mowing the lawn and I can trim the yard and I can pull weeds and I can trim the bushes and I can roll the trash out and I can like I did a lot of those when we lived together, you were much better at running the trimmer than I was.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you probably still are. I'm still better at running the trimmer than you are. That's more of a patience thing.
Speaker 2:I try to just blast through it, but I don't think, greg, let you blast through the trimming.
Speaker 1:No, no. I just like I didn't have a lot of really good, like I didn't know how to clean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1:Not well, nobody ever taught me and that sounds so spoiled. It is spoiled, yeah, but I had to learn that stuff very on my own in adulthood. Anyway, now I've just gotten completely off the.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we went there.
Speaker 1:So I don't think so, but maybe it's true and I'm just really defensive. She's like does nobody like me.
Speaker 2:I didn't have full-time siblings at all.
Speaker 1:No, literally.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you think?
Speaker 2:I think it's just that you have an easier entry point with people to have a shared experience, and so, um, and especially if those people, I think birth order is way more relevant, not necessarily that you even hang out with people in the same birth order, but it absolutely has an effect on kids because your first kid's not competing to start and then they, like, are competing with another kid. Your other kids started competing with another child, like I've. I've had to catch myself like, totally, um, like I inadvertently expect more out of our baby because we have another child that's older, and I'm like, oh, we already did this already, but he hasn't done it already. There's a lot of that that I'm like, oh yeah, nope, this totally makes sense, how this can happen and need to be very I don't struggle with it like you do, no so I just never really like believed in it much.
Speaker 1:And then we had another kid I think you're like that's mind-boggling to me, because to me it's like it makes perfect sense to me why it happens. Maybe that's just the oldest son, uh, you know in me me, because to me it's like it makes perfect sense to me why it happens maybe that's just the oldest son.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know, in me you're like no, it's not any different I had the exact same experience. I didn't get any different than you did yeah, yeah, I think the oldest son is always just like I had it the hardest, which I don't really even think, oh, I was about to say I think to think that in your family you know that's not, I don't really even think.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was about to say I think to think that in your family you would be unhinged.
Speaker 2:I don't think that in my family. I just think a lot of people are like well, when I had to do things it was this way you had stricter rules. Yeah, by the time the youngest came around, nobody gave a crap about anything.
Speaker 1:I think my sisters had way looser rules than I did, but they didn't grow up in my dad's house, so yeah, it was just different, fair, fair.
Speaker 2:Anyway, before we dig ourselves too deep of a hole, should we get another, another email in here?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2:All right. Hi, Matt and Joe. Been listening to your podcast for the last few years and out of all my podcasts, yours are my favorite.
Speaker 4:Thank you Very generous.
Speaker 2:My fiance laughs at me, but I feel like you guys are our friends from listening to your podcast. Keep up the good work. Few things I've been listening to your beginning podcasts, Uh, and she goes on to just say that the fair play like it encouraged her to watch fair play and that uh it's been helpful, been helpful Good, so love to hear it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we. We constantly have to renegotiate that, even with the knowledge of it. All right, here's a question. We're in the midst of planning our wedding and I'm currently working on our wedding registry. Since we live together, I'm having trouble finding things to put on our registry. We got new pots, and pans and knives for Christmas. I know most people suggest upgrading things. We already have a crock pot, instant pot, air fryer, et cetera.
Speaker 1:Don't get more things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, air fryer, etc. Don't get more things. Yeah, yeah, exactly, registering on amazon and target. We have a very large wedding due to our family being very big, like 300 guests, so you have to have a lot of things on our registry so my question is what was your favorite thing you registered for, and or do you have, uh, anything you ordered from amazon that made your life better?
Speaker 1:Okay, biggest suggestions from me are going to be outdoor planters. Ooh, and register for multiple of them, especially if you live in an apartment.
Speaker 2:I guess I was going to say if you have outdoor space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you have outdoor space or if you know you're going to have outdoor space.
Speaker 2:Or indoor planters.
Speaker 1:Well, that's what I was going to say, that too, but outdoor planters are something that I wish we had more of, but they're very expensive, just to accumulate the number that I want.
Speaker 1:They're very expensive because they can run anywhere from like an inexpensive one is like $60 to $80. They can run up to a lot, but a lot of the ones that I like, that I gravitate to, are in the like 150 to 250 range and so I never buy them because I don't want to spend that much money on an outdoor pot. So I would say, um, planters, if you're into that, definitely planters for inside, I think is a really good one, photo frames, that's the other thing I was going to say.
Speaker 1:No, I've never had that thought before when you said that I was like what are things you need to accumulate a lot of?
Speaker 1:that you could crowdsource. That's funny that you said that I was going to say, yeah, definitely frames coffee table books that really interest you and telling, like writing in your registry, why that book, why that book? So maybe picking some that are from your favorite artists or places that you've been, that you love or where you got engaged, or like just look for things that really resonate with you and kind of talk in your registry about why those I think can be really good. I, for our wedding, had a record shower instead of gifts.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was really fun, and I loved that, and so people brought either a record that made them think of us or a record like their favorite record, so that we could have it in our collection, and that was really cool.
Speaker 2:Like vinyl records.
Speaker 1:Vinyl records.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, gosh, throw a record player in there. Yeah, I'm trying to think of anything else.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, throw a record player in there. Yeah, I'm trying to think of anything else. Oh sheets Register for multiple sets of sheets, like four, don't be afraid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, two, three sets of sheets at least, so you can rotate them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that's a huge benefit.
Speaker 2:Because when you don't rotate them, they get rough.
Speaker 1:What else I don't rotate them. They don't last very rough. Yeah, um what? Else I don't know they said they got knives.
Speaker 2:I love a good set of knives um, I really like the material brand. Uh, cutting boards, we just got nice cutting boards just um, especially since a lot of like older people are very old school with what they want to get for. So nice silverware, good flatware having a nice set of flatware that you're going to use for 25 years. You won't be upset. You have that. I love our flatware. Yeah, towels, but make sure you go the right way with towels.
Speaker 1:What brand, fable? It's our bowls. Yeah, I really like our's, our bowls yeah.
Speaker 1:I really like our dishware too. Yeah, serving ware. I feel like when we got married I didn't realize how much hosting I would be doing and I wish I got a lot more platters like large platters and bowls because I didn't use them the first two to three years we were married. Like large platters and bowls, because I didn't use them the first two to three years we were married and then the last two years we host constantly now because it's like when you're in that wedding season you're not doing as much of that and, honestly, like you can acquire that stuff over time too, but if you're struggling to find things and you have a place to store them, having serving ware is great. The other thing is serving ware is such a like it depends on you, because you may also be inheriting serving ware from family, In which case, like my, family doesn't own serving ware.
Speaker 2:That's like they didn't host growing up very rarely, not never but my family's got like a limited set but like I think my mom uses what she has.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but like my grandmother now is, they're moving out of their home and downsizing and moving here to Northwest Arkansas. I'm so excited. But she has been passing down a lot of like holiday themed serving ware and stuff to me, which is really exciting and fun and I'm happy to have it. But I tried to kind of keep that in mind that I would eventually be inheriting some like, so that I didn't buy some just to have it before I needed it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a balance. Uh, anything else?
Speaker 2:Oh, oh, oh, uh, refrigerator organizers, oh yeah, those are all the organizing stuff and any kind of organizer really for drawers.
Speaker 1:Shelving things like that is a really good thing to register for Container store type stuff. Container store anything Um like.
Speaker 2:It doesn't even have to specifically be that find something on Amazon that's similar, but like, find a like, get a large set of like organizing stuff a chat book subscription.
Speaker 1:So like getting like asking for a year chat book subscription so that you can get books made each month of photos. I also think that's a really good baby gift.
Speaker 2:Coordinating storage containers for food. Yeah, we didn't do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we did.
Speaker 2:Did we? Yeah, okay, I don't remember that. I feel like we have so many hodgepodge ones right now. Not terrible, but like we, just have a lot of different I got two brand spanking new sets when we got married.
Speaker 1:Okay, we just we host a lot we host a lot more than most people, we've got stragglers, yeah, okay like and people bring things to our house a lot and like leave it, it doesn't, and then they don't want it back or don't like yeah, there's about a 40 return rate on that stuff yeah, no, that's an us issue. Okay, individually got it. I do agree with that that some like really good tupperware is awesome, but that's our own personal issue anything we didn't, uh didn't like that you would recommend against.
Speaker 2:No, I don't feel like we had a lot of stuff that was a power washer oh yeah, some stuff like that can be on your list.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying things, I don't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't have anything that I'm like yeah, definitely look into like tools and stuff that you could use. I don't know what your specific situation is, but if there's anything around the house convenience tools wise that would be helpful.
Speaker 1:Um, small stuff 16 slice apple slicer yeah that like that we love ours, uh like, and that would be a nice small like we got friends a towel warmer yep, yep I always get on the registry and try to buy the thing that's like the least practical but, like that. You use day to day the thing that people are like oh man, I don't know that you know like they're like we want this, but it's out there. Yeah, we're like that's what we're gonna get weird stuff yeah, we can tell that they put that in there like hoping somebody would.
Speaker 2:Anytime you see something on a registry that like does not coordinate with anything you know they picked it out specifically. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1:I always go for that stuff because, with anything you know, they picked it out specifically. Yeah, I agree, I always go for that stuff because I'm like you know that they really probably want that. Like we got our friends a power washer.
Speaker 2:It wasn't like a crazy expensive power washer. It wasn't like something that was way out of line with the rest of the gift list.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we did buy them a little bit more expensive gift because it is like they're like family to us. But I, we did buy them a little bit more expensive gift because it is like they're like family to us. But, um, I got them and I they were so excited, yeah, because they were like we didn't think anybody would get us for that for us, because it's a wedding, you know yeah and again a lot of like parents and stuff like to do the traditional stuff they like to do the bowls and the dishes and the like that stuff I love buying things off registries.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it's so much fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, anyway, yeah, we have bought a lot of odd stuff.
Speaker 1:I always. It's cause I'm I'm in charge of doing that and I always, that's true.
Speaker 2:Uh, I like to pick something funky, yeah, you always come in and you're like hey, can we get, like, whatever it is, coffee maker? Yep Great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's anything small.
Speaker 1:Anything you can think of. I think that was a really good list. I named a lot of things, yeah. Okay, if that's not helpful and you already have all those things on your list.
Speaker 2:You're doing great. You're doing great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:I'll let you read emails. I feel like my mouth is drying out.
Speaker 1:Hi, joe and Matt. I listen to the podcast every week and always enjoy listening to the conversations, mainly because your relationship reminds me a lot of my own, which is my reason for writing. I've been with my boyfriend for three years. He's everything I could have asked for in a partner, and being with him makes me so excited for the future. We moved in together back in August and at the same time I started grad school, along with another part-time job and an outside project. My boyfriend has been so supportive having dinner ready when I get back late, doing my share of chores without complaint, staying up late with me. I know that relationships are not always 50-50, but over the past couple of months I feel like he has put so much into our relationship while I've been struggling just to keep myself above water. Now that the semester's over and a lot of my responsibilities have eased up, I want to put extra time into him and our relationship. What are some things that you both do that make the other feel really appreciated and loved?
Speaker 2:Whoa is this couples therapy no that's great. You're very cognizant of it. I was going to say I don't know if we have. You seem to be really thinking about it. As long as you're communicating that stuff, you're probably doing a great job.
Speaker 1:I don't think you ever need to feel bad about that, because I think relationships are really rarely 50-50. There's a lot of times where it's 60-40, 90-10, 20-80, whatever, and day by day that changes A hundred percent Things that I do. I'm trying to think of like what I thoughtfully do. I can think of nothing cause I feel on the spot. Do I do nothing for you? That's not true.
Speaker 2:I'm like I'm like, oh no, I'm having trouble with it too. I uh, uh, uh, like I know food's a uh soft spot for you, so, uh, thinking out and planning through food can be really, uh, helpful when you're in a bad spot.
Speaker 1:Um, I was going to say mainly like I feel like the thing that I continuously do is. Rarely, I guess, do I go out of my way with tasks. If you seem like you're in a level place, Not to say I won't pick up something like if I see something that needs to be done, I'll do it, but if I see that you're stressed or have too much on your plate, I'll do a lot of picking up because I find that stresses you, Not it being messy, because that's what stresses me out, it's the knowing you should have.
Speaker 2:Quote button ears should have picked up and you haven't, and so trying to like get everything set up or just give license to be like, hey, we don't have to get it done today.
Speaker 1:I also make and do a lot of phone calls. I would say that's the big thing that I do. Is you don't like to do the waiting on hold or calling places you will.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But you really don't like it.
Speaker 2:No, I don't enjoy it.
Speaker 1:And it really hangs a cloud over your head.
Speaker 2:The phone is such a mystery of what you're going to get on the other end. I don't like unexpected situations.
Speaker 1:But then with, like I guess those are like the household tasks I like to plan like date nights. I like to randomly like have a sitter set up for us to be able to go and just do our own thing. I do a lot of that. I also will. Okay, I'm thinking of things now.
Speaker 4:Now I'm on a roll.
Speaker 1:I'm starting to think of things. Um, if it seems like you're having with kids, it's a little different too, but like if it seems like you're having a like tougher, more overwhelming time, I'll get both kids and take them out of the house so that you can be in the house alone, because when you're a parent, it's shocking how little time you are in your house alone.
Speaker 2:Especially us, since we work together at home.
Speaker 1:Right, um, and so I'll do that a lot. Uh, I always try to put gas in the car.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Which I feel like is such a dude thing that is, but Matt leaves the car on empty.
Speaker 2:A lot you do you don't think you do, I don't. You drive the car much more than I do, just to be clear.
Speaker 1:I don't think that's true oh okay. And the other question I'd like to go ahead and put out there is why are you driving my car?
Speaker 2:Because I like to go and put out. There is why are you driving my car? Uh, cause I, uh, I need to work on the other car. I got to change some fluids in it so that it can drive again.
Speaker 1:Uh, and so what's been happening?
Speaker 2:Uh yeah, I guess we've been sharing a car more than we normally would.
Speaker 1:I've been graciously sharing my vehicle with you for how long.
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh-huh Got it. Uh-huh, and what do you do Speaking of something that I could do for you is clean the car.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you do that sometimes.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that. We're not very cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, that's not like riveting stuff. Sometimes, almost, I think one of the things you can do is like match me in downtime, like like sometimes it's not necessarily doing more, it's like consciously doing less together being like okay, we're not going to do stuff. We're going to like chill.
Speaker 1:And I have to actively cause. I want to, just I'm like we have downtime. Because I want to. Just I'm like do and do and do and do.
Speaker 2:But I do do that, and sometimes my brain's like let's do not.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Not at all. I've gotten a lot better about that you have for sure. A lot better.
Speaker 2:But like just the act of like acknowledging it.
Speaker 1:We're not big acts people, though.
Speaker 2:No, no, not really.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, like every now and again, but I feel like it's much more consistent. Small, what'd you get on your shirt?
Speaker 2:oh, that looks like blood. I didn't know there was anything on my shirt. Where am I bleeding? I don't know that's I wonder if it's our kid. Is our kid bleeding? I?
Speaker 1:hope not, that's so concerning Anyway. It's like a pretty decent. Sorry, I wasn't like anyway.
Speaker 2:Yeah, random, okay, I hope that helped.
Speaker 3:Really, I do?
Speaker 2:Probably not at all, I don't know, I don't feel like we really had a lot of great solid tips there.
Speaker 1:Well, I was just trying to think of things that maybe we have room for improvement there, I guess.
Speaker 2:All right, this one's more of an advice question. Hi, Matt and Joe, my name is Alex. I'm from a small town in Ontario, Canada, Port McNichol. Look it up, Give yourself a giggle. I really love the podcast and listen on every drive to and from work and during my night shifts. Sorry for the long explanation before my question and request. I don't really have a question, but more need advice.
Speaker 2:My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven and a half years. Started in high school and have stayed together all through university. We started living together four years ago and just bought our first house Super exciting. Since we became more serious, I've been very clear of my intentions for the future wanting to get engaged soon and kids after marriage, et cetera. My boyfriend wants to get married and have kids, but hasn't been in any rush. I think our next step is getting engaged along with moving into our house, even though it's not until August. I have officially been sized and told a jeweler my preferences and even let my boyfriend know A few episodes ago.
Speaker 2:You mentioned being more in the moment and not having to rush certain things in life and that if you are happy and confident in your relationship, you shouldn't need a ring to solidify or confirm that. Well, I do agree with you. We both know what we want in our future and I think engagement is a good next step. And even if we don't get married for a few years, I want to be patient and allow him to make the decision when he is ready, but I also don't want to wait until we've been together for 10 years. I think we're mature and ready for marriage. I don't think much will change with marriage and calling him my husband. Are men slower to realize what they want and when to get married? Am I just wanting things too quickly?
Speaker 1:Can I have both of your thoughts? I don't. I always have the same answer on this. I don't think you should have to convince anybody of anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's, I feel, like a thing I struggled with in my I still struggle with. I feel like I'm always trying to convince people that I'm worth whatever I think I want from people, and I think if people aren't doing what you want them to do, don't try to convince them. Just go be around different people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that can sometimes be, no matter how great they are.
Speaker 1:I think that's something I wish I would have had in my twenties, like I wish when it didn't go how I wanted it to go, instead of spending time trying to be like well. I think this is logically what we should do, and I think this it's like well, if they're not aligned, like obviously you can communicate and have an honest conversation. You don't want to just like do some people with no um, but like if it's been communicated that, like that's what your thoughts were, um, I don't know. Find somebody that wants you rather than, or be patient and work on other parts of yourself. I don't know, that's probably really harsh.
Speaker 1:I just I think that that's something that I really look back on choices I've made and I look back on who I have been through my twenties and I have done so much trying to convince other people to value me. I just have. I have spent so much time in my life being like no, I'm really great, you should keep me around. Don't you want this, don't you want that? And they don't, or they would be doing that, and it can be for a wide array of reasons. It may have nothing to do with me, it may be that they're not ready, or it could be that that's just not their focus right now. It could be that they don't like you, it could be, and but that's just not their focus right now. It could be that they don't like you, it could be, and I don't think that's this scenario.
Speaker 2:That's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:But with what I'm talking about, you just made me laugh. I'm saying that is a possibility, but I think more times than not that's really not it.
Speaker 2:It's really hard to make people do things, and I can think of this from both sides of the situation and that, like what, how important is the time? Like, is the timeline really a difference maker? No, but if it is for you. Uh, you should be allowed to communicate that and put it on a timeline the thing is like I'm being really hot about it's like both ways, though you know because but it's, it's not.
Speaker 1:The timeline doesn't have an impact yeah like if you're like we can wait a few years to get married or whatever, that means that you're again. I don't know you we know you specifically.
Speaker 2:This is not directed individually at you whatsoever?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but if you from my perspective, when it can be a couple of years that means that you're wanting to get engaged in order to fulfill something that doesn't feel right to you. Learn to fill that hole on your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like that. I can't.
Speaker 2:You're saying if it's more of like an insecurity thing, yes, around, a hundred percent. Yeah, like that I can't.
Speaker 1:You're saying it's more of like an insecurity thing, yes, around 100%, yeah, and again I'm projecting Like, I'm projecting my own experiences in the way that I felt in younger years, on that 100%. So like that's not lost on me, yeah, and I just wish that I could have found that in myself, because it never ends up being what you want it to be in that regard, because in your head you're always going to be like, well, is it because I ultimatum or because I told him that this is exactly what I need and stuff? So they did that. You know, I, like the thing is for me, I want to be friends with people or be married to someone that they just couldn't imagine any other way, and they're just obsessed with me and they all of these things. And so they made that choice because, like I have this friend, okay, one of my very best friends.
Speaker 1:Her husband is just head over heels like obsessed with her, and when we were in college or just out of college, I guess, he proposed which was really young for any of us, like the rest of us were not in that season whatsoever and she was shocked. They hadn't even talked about it. I don't even know how we got a ring size, like absolutely and like planned. This entire thing had all of our friends come for the weekend. You know all this stuff and if you wanted to, you would Like. It really does go back to that for me, and it doesn't mean people who don't like do all of that and like maybe like they want to take you to the jewelry store and they want to like there are different ways to do it, um, but I think about that a lot, about like he just wanted to be engaged to her so badly because that's what he wanted yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, men can be slower, they can be faster. Like it's not universal advice or universal experience, um, but forcing it, yeah. Being secure in yourself is really the biggest piece, and it's really hard to see it until you've gone through it, but the timeline part of things is never as short as you think it is like it's just not that important, like thinking like oh well, by this age or by this, like specific time like you said, 10 years, you want this to be the case.
Speaker 2:The difference between 10 and 12 and 15 years in the long run isn't that big. It just really doesn't feel that way when you're in your early 20s. I don't know how old this person is, no, just they have seven and a half years and they've been through high school.
Speaker 3:Oh okay.
Speaker 1:So you're young.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just like my thought is it's really and it's advice that doesn't resonate until you get through it 100%.
Speaker 1:And there are always exceptions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. But sticking to a number just because of a number isn't going to serve you, but also if it's taking too long.
Speaker 1:I was just telling somebody our nanny that works for us. I was telling her this week. I said our most fun weddings have been our friends that are getting married now.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like they're 10 times more memorable. We're all more secure, more established, more comfortable, more like it's way, more fun now than it ever was in our early and mid twenties and everybody was in such a you know a rush to the next thing. And it's just I don't know. Yeah, and like, like I said, and it's just, I don't know yeah.
Speaker 2:And, like I said, it's not going to resonate.
Speaker 1:No, it's not.
Speaker 2:People can tell you that until they're blue in the face and it's not going to feel true, because that's just how it is. But it is we promise. We promise it's true. It won't matter long term, so all right, another one.
Speaker 1:Last one. We got time yeah.
Speaker 2:All right. Hi, joe and Matt, love hearing all of your advice and discussions each week. Joe, I recently saw on your Insta story that y'all had a morning wedding with brunch, which is an idea that I've always loved. I, especially as an introvert who gets overwhelmed and doesn't like being the center of attention, would love to have a break midday just to be alone and soak the day in with my future husband. Anyway, I would love to hear more from you both about things you did on your wedding day that you loved and if there's anything about the day that you would change.
Speaker 1:Everything Okay. I didn't like my wedding that much Okay.
Speaker 4:In terms of like my personal experience. Sure.
Speaker 1:The guests had a great time which makes sense because I planned literally everything.
Speaker 2:Around the guests.
Speaker 1:Around them, minus my wedding flowers. Uh-huh yeah, I was just young. I like I don't know. I wanted everybody to be happy with me Kind of. I realized that I didn't invite. I don't know, I'm tough that way.
Speaker 2:Nobody, very centered on the guest experience.
Speaker 1:It was a hundred percent centered around the guest experience and it, uh, and not from any pressure, like everyone around me was like, yeah, do whatever you want, you know, like it was pressure I put onto myself. Everybody was really supportive of everything. I knew that I wanted brunch and everything I don onto myself. Everybody was really supportive of everything. I knew that I wanted brunch and everything I don't know. I wish we would have just eloped a lot of times. I think that I'm just always disappointed by anything that centers around me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we talk about this a lot though especially when we go to other weddings is, um it? It almost never lives up to what you idealize, and so it can be really hard going through a wedding or a big event like that and then getting to the end and it being over and like that's a big come down, just it's a big adjustment. Sometimes to be like, oh okay, well, here we are, and I think I was a little.
Speaker 1:Sometimes to be like, oh okay, well, here we are, and I think I was a little prepared to be disappointed yeah like even in my wedding plan, I couldn't afford to do the things that, like in my dream situation, I would do.
Speaker 2:Like fly everyone to Tahiti and like that's dramatic. No, I know.
Speaker 1:Like it's not. It's not accessible to do much for people anymore, like stuff's so expensive and I was working like crazy in order to be able to even have the event and then like I don't know, not my thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, and it's over.
Speaker 1:I liked the morning. I would do the morning 10 times over, um, but I wish you know and I said this even back then I wanted to do this and we couldn't like, my mom can't travel and so, um, my mom couldn't have been there if we did an all inclusive resort somewhere and just had all of our family and friends there for three or four days. But that was like my dream, that's what I wanted. I wanted to do a destination.
Speaker 1:I wanted to get married one of the mornings we were there and have it be real low-key and then, everybody just hangs out at the pools and gets drinks and goes dancing and like that was my, like big and actually some of my really good friends are having their wedding like that this weekend. We aren't able to attend, but that's really to me.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. That's always the more time you can enjoy with your significant other and your family and your friends.
Speaker 1:I photographed a lot of weddings and by far the ones that stand out so much fun were at all-inclusive destination resorts, which is not that it's the fanciest or the most original or anything like that, but it is the most time spent and the most low stress because nobody's going to be late to anything People don't have to figure out rides or driving somewhere and the most low stress because nobody's going to be late to anything. People don't have to figure out rides or driving somewhere. You're all on vacation together.
Speaker 2:It's just a lot of fun, yeah, just everybody that forces the most time together, and that's, I think, what you really remember.
Speaker 1:Well, people also have somewhere to escape, to Like they can go back, because I feel like there's always family or friends that are unhappy for whatever XYZ reason.
Speaker 2:Just unhappy, just being happy people.
Speaker 1:There's always somewhere for them to go because they can go back to their room and there are other spots on the resort they can go. I don't know. I love that that's what I would have done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in a perfect world.
Speaker 1:But I don't like. If I could do it again, I wouldn't probably change what I did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just do less. I just yeah, I don't know, keep it low key, do it for you, and if it's not something that brings you a lot like, I don't know that, that experience was something that had been built up a ton for you, that you wanted like that.
Speaker 1:It brought you a lot, and so that's why putting like something into it in the end just wasn't that rewarding. I struggle a lot because I know what I want, and if what I want makes anybody else feel not included or bad or like they can't be, like I can't do it, and so I do a lot of not doing what I want to do in order to protect other people when they haven't necessarily even asked for that. Um, but I'm just not. That's hard for me. It's still hard. I'm still working on that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's one of your your core wounds. Yeah, as they say. There's a bonus question here also. Okay, also, he and I have been having a debate about the song Afro Circus slash. I Like to Move it from Madagascar 3. If you haven't heard it, give it a listen. Well, I'll run a little clip here.
Speaker 2:For the past three years, to the point where we don't talk about the subject because we have come to the conclusion that we will never agree on it. So is it Afro circus or circus Afro? I am team Afro circus, but he is a musical dude and is convinced it's circus Afro.
Speaker 1:What are you?
Speaker 2:I don't know Is that the we're going to look it up. What it's boggling my mind?
Speaker 1:It's Afrocus.
Speaker 2:Is it like in the song?
Speaker 1:No, that's literally what it's called. I understand after reading the lyrics what he's arguing.
Speaker 2:Alright, my final thoughts are in Okay, we had to take a minute guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had to do some research.
Speaker 2:This is specific to the movie which I don't know that I've seen. Madagascar 3. I have thoughts as well, I don't know that I've seen Madagascar 3. I have thoughts as well. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, I don't know if we need to drop the sound in there a little bit or something, but it's very specific to the movie.
Speaker 1:You have to look up the clip. If you look up YouTube, Afro Circus, it'll pop up.
Speaker 2:The song will just make you go. What are all of the words they just said? Because they make no sense.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Which is how I felt initially Okay, it's circus afro.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:It's definitely circus afro it's afro circus.
Speaker 1:Oh my God.
Speaker 2:No, I thought for sure we were going to agree and we could just end this. No, he literally starts circus, afro, circus, afro, circus afro. Like the emphasis is on circus.
Speaker 1:I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2:Now the song is called Afro Circus.
Speaker 1:Correct Isn't that the argument?
Speaker 2:No, I thought they were like, I thought it's like what they were saying, or that's the thing. I guess. The question is is it Afro Circus or Circus Afro?
Speaker 1:It's Afro Circus, because from the soundtrack, from the video title, from all things connected to it, the scene is labeled as Afro Circus. Okay, everywhere which is why I go Afro Circus.
Speaker 2:See, but the funny thing is is now that I'm reading it. The question is literally just is it?
Speaker 1:Is what Exactly? But the thing is, I don't think in the song, I don't think it's circus, afro or afro circus.
Speaker 2:It's not relevant to the song.
Speaker 1:I think it's circus, afro circus, you know like they're separate.
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:In the song. Yes, it is in the song.
Speaker 2:I didn't hear it in the song.
Speaker 1:When he's singing it.
Speaker 2:Is it like in the clip?
Speaker 1:Yeah, in the clip.
Speaker 2:He starts circus I. Is it like in the clip?
Speaker 1:Yeah, in the clip, he starts circus. I understand, do you hear what I'm saying, though it's emphasis afro too, though.
Speaker 2:Circus afro, circus afro, circus afro yeah it's not circus, afro, it's circus. But I feel like it would be afro circus, afro circus.
Speaker 1:Circus.
Speaker 2:Like just where it's lining up on the. I can't suckered into this ridiculous debate. You should be ashamed of yourself Because this is a it.
Speaker 1:really I think that Afro Circus makes more sense because it is labeled as that across everything.
Speaker 2:I would almost always defer to the reference material like you're talking about. Yeah, and then I watched it and I feel like it's Circus Afro.
Speaker 1:I understand, but I don't think it is. I think that those are two separate exclamations.
Speaker 2:I still can't believe we're arguing over what is it?
Speaker 1:I don't think we're arguing, I think we're discussing. What is it?
Speaker 2:Like what is what?
Speaker 1:I can't.
Speaker 2:It's so vaguely defined. I'm expecting a follow-up email. It's causing me pain.
Speaker 1:I actually am really shocked. Shocked and appalled, all right. Well, on that note, we love you guys. We hope that you're having a great week and we'll catch you next time. Bye.