Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Oversharing with the Overbys
Mixtapes, Milestones, and California Dreaming
When you least expect it, life throws a week at you that's a mixtape of nostalgia, celebration, and a dash of pre-travel jitters.
It's an email and voicemail week, so after the usual Bad Dad / Mean Mom and Greg's Reads, we offer our advice on your questions from the last several weeks!Join us for this candid conversation where we do our thing, overshare!
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.
Speaker 1:I'm way behind in history. I've lost myself. No Is that a you and me together? Is that a you and me together Upside down, bouncing off the ceiling Inside out?
Speaker 2:No, no, that's great.
Speaker 1:You don't know that at all.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've heard it. Okay, I feel like maybe I've only heard you sing it Eighteens, eighteens, eighteens. Is that like a?
Speaker 1:The letter. A star Teens? No, no, oh, are you sure. The A-teens were like they had bops. Where were you in the 90s?
Speaker 2:Under a rock.
Speaker 1:I mean clearly yeah, sorry, I think that I am a little.
Speaker 2:Overexposed.
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:Too. Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Go ahead. You have the mic man. You say words, you fricking. Finish those statements, that's all I had. What do you mean by overexposed? I don't know, I feel like uh, I feel like your, your references are just slightly dated beyond you. Well, that's what I was going to say. I think, older sisters, I do think that you're a touch young, for If you're listening and you knew who, the 18s were.
Speaker 2:I'm a year older than you. I'm a touch young though.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what's funny.
Speaker 1:You're the oldest. I think that's the difference. Yes, you're a year older than me, but you're the oldest in your family. I'm going to throw your phone through the camera.
Speaker 2:That would really ruin the podcast.
Speaker 1:It'd ruin my camera. I have a backup. That's true. Might be worth it if it breaks your phone.
Speaker 2:Okay, so how's?
Speaker 1:your week been, my week's been good.
Speaker 1:It's been busy. We have had guests all week and my best friend was in town from one of my best friends from college, stayed with us. She is a travel nurse and she is between gigs right now and so I don't get to see her very often, and she is getting married this winter, so she came to town to visit us and talk wedding and then my sister's in town and we have just been busy, busy, busy and getting ready to travel. When this comes out I will be in California and so I guess I can say I'll be in California visiting my friend Anna and celebrating something that, uh, she's really accomplishing, that. I'm very proud of her.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I'm excited about that. It's my longest trip ever away from the kids and I'm nervous, so our week has pretty much been kind of preparing for me to be gone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's washing all the clothes Well, preparing for you to be gone and preparing to have three different people stay with us prior to you leaving.
Speaker 1:And after I get back, because I'm going to get back, oh yeah, and I get like my flight gets in at whatever time and within an hour of my flight landing, matt's family arrives from road tripping from Minnesota to us for the solar eclipse that's taking place, yep.
Speaker 2:So yeah, because we're just adjacent to the totality. Yes, what is that path of totality? Yep, whatever it's called.
Speaker 1:Yep, and so we are doing a lot of hosting. Things are really crazy and with me being gone, I'm also trying to get all of our like. We had a lot of work things and collaborations and things that were due the week that I'm gone, so we're trying to like double record the podcast, double film, double like yeah. Anyway, it's just kind of chaotic. It's all good, busy, busy, so excited about what I'm going to do. But what about you? How's your week?
Speaker 2:I've just been trying to keep up.
Speaker 1:Matt has seemed totally fine, but then every time I ask him how he is, he's like I'm having the worst week ever, but he can't tell me why.
Speaker 2:I haven't said the worst week ever.
Speaker 1:I think those are actually exactly the words you used last night.
Speaker 2:It's not the worst week ever.
Speaker 1:You told me I feel the worst that I have felt, which I guess doesn't make it the worst week ever.
Speaker 2:You told me I feel the worst that I have felt, which I guess doesn't make it the worst week ever.
Speaker 1:You just told me that. Well, that's how I took it.
Speaker 2:Okay, Well it's not the worst week of all time. Okay, I've just been trying to keep it all on the rails. That's really been the gist of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I'm just not feeling energized, but I have a lot I need energy to do, so that's been. That's a fun dichotomy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The weird thing is you have not seemed low energy. I don't know. It's just been a real oxymoron for me from you.
Speaker 2:My perception, I don't know how you're feeling. Obviously that's how you're feeling in your brain. Yeah, I think I've been tired for too long. Yes, like we had a, had a stretch of bad nights and then I haven't, haven't been napping or anything to recover, so it's just been slowly, slowly building, yeah. And now I every day feels like getting hit by a truck when you roll out of bed, even though I'm not working out, which is really bad for my mental health.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, guys. Well, I started with 18s and Matt started with just absolute.
Speaker 2:Would you like me to sing a song?
Speaker 1:Yes, wow, okay, I don't know where to take it from there.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no, no, that's good.
Speaker 1:You've rendered me speechless, wow.
Speaker 2:Guys, you've rendered me speechless. Wow, guys, guys, it's okay, it's okay, is it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's all good. It doesn't sound okay, it's going to be good.
Speaker 2:It's going to be good. Hey, I haven't told you this.
Speaker 1:Okay, guess what I did. Have you been waiting for the podcast?
Speaker 2:No, I have not, it's just recently happened. Okay, I've acquired a second hand.
Speaker 1:Now you guys, you guys are gonna be able to hear firsthand, guys, the amount like, how frequently a conversation like this happens. Okay, so you've acquired a new PlayStation.
Speaker 2:New to me? Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, and where did you acquire the new PlayStation? I?
Speaker 2:acquired it on Mercaricom.
Speaker 1:Okay, is the PlayStation stolen?
Speaker 2:Not to my knowledge.
Speaker 1:I hate that.
Speaker 2:I don't think so. I don't think it is. It comes with the box and everything.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So if it was, it was stolen in new condition with all the accessories. I hate that. Well, I don't. I don't think it's stolen.
Speaker 1:When Matt has bought me things secondhand, I always make him find proof that it's not stolen.
Speaker 2:And they're not.
Speaker 1:No, nothing you've ever gotten me is stolen. Not that you know anything you've gotten is stolen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not that I was able to verify.
Speaker 1:But I just I don't know. It makes me nervous because sometimes you get really good deals and those deals to me say I'm buying stolen goods and I don't like that, I don't want to be a part of it.
Speaker 2:I don't want to buy stolen things either.
Speaker 1:I don't think you do But't, but like I just. Sometimes when a guilt, what? Sometimes when a deal is too good, like it's too good yeah, like what is it called a? Spade a spade, is that sure? Yeah, no that's fair.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the simplest answer something yeah something, yeah, yeah, again, not stolen, to my knowledge that's good so I didn't get it for like 50 off okay, so it still cost you dollars. Yeah, it still cost me some dollars. Okay, I got it for I don't know. I'm happy 75 below retail oh okay, that's not yeah that's not this, that's like open box.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, cool, cool, cool cool I'm happy for you.
Speaker 2:Legit. They have a lot of pictures and whatnot.
Speaker 1:That seemed but you don't know when it'll arrive no, they're gonna put in the mail. I bought it today one time matt bought a record player from venezuela yes, venezuela and it.
Speaker 2:it was eBay, Like it was just listed on eBay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Matt didn't know if it was ever going to come, because how long did it take? It took a really long time to ship it took like 25 days or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't remember, I mean it had to go.
Speaker 2:It was definitely on a boat at one time.
Speaker 1:And it we still it had to go through customs at least once and when it came in describe the box it was in.
Speaker 2:okay, so the box that showed up on our doorstep was more dhl tape than box um, it was 75 tape, 25 box remaining and it showed up and I was like, oh well, this is a-old record player so I might have just bought a box of scrap metal. I mean, it's like one, it's eBay, you could have just bought a box of scrap metal anyway, Like there's a chance.
Speaker 2:Somebody was just like well, I'm going to try and run off with you know $250 or whatever. So it showed up there was barely any box left. Cut the tape off of it. Thankfully, inside of that was a crate Like it had been crated properly to ship, apparently kicked all the way from Venezuela DHL apparently just taped cardboard to the crate. I believe it was tied to the back of a truck and then driven here, and then they just taped it up outside, you know, outside of our house.
Speaker 2:So anyway, it was in a crate. You have pictures of it, don't you? I probably do. You should send them to Becca.
Speaker 1:Becca. Everybody say thank you, Becca, Because if you are not listening, if you're watching on YouTube, we'll put a picture here of the DHL package.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, so there's a lot of tape, so it was years ago. Eventually unboxed it or uncrated it and it was in good condition, but um, only because there was a crate in there. If that had been a normal cardboard box, uh, there's no way it would have worked.
Speaker 1:So and we still use it.
Speaker 2:We still do. Well, it's currently under repair because the feet, so the bottom of it, is like a fiber board and the feet have pushed through the fiber board. So I need to reinstall the feet or reinforce that. And I took the feet off and our toddler ran off with one of them and I don't know where it is.
Speaker 1:So the turntable only has three out of four feet. I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:I could buy new feet for it, but I would like to have the original feet, yeah, so okay, well, again, just like last week, this week we are going to hop into segments and then we're going to hit emails to try and kind of play catch up. We have a couple of voicemails too, if we have time. And then, yeah, if you guys have any topic requests or things like that, like I know, I heard from a couple people in DMs recently that they'd like us to do an additional sex episode and a few other things, and so if there is anything front of mind that you're like I really want an episode on this, please don't hesitate to send an email, to leave, leave a voicemail or to DM us. We're going to start with Greg's Read of the Week. Greg is my dad. He sends us lots of articles. He reads news. He reads news. He's actually kind of backed off on articles recently. I don't know what's going on, gregory. Gregory, are you there Maybe?
Speaker 2:it's the segment we made about how much anxiety what he's doing gives us.
Speaker 1:We gave the anxiety right back, do you?
Speaker 2:think like yeah, maybe that played into it.
Speaker 1:Now he's like second guessing what articles he's sending. Yeah, probably. Yeah, my dad is an avid oversharing listener. Yes, as is my mom. They listen to every episode. Thanks, mom and dad. But anyway, dad, if you're feeling self-conscious about your reads, please don't. We need them for our segment. Uh okay, uh. The first one for this week is the virus that infects almost everyone and it's linked to cancer and MS.
Speaker 2:Uh, five, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Five, five out of five, I was happy he sent it but yeah, um, I was like dang that's wow, tip us off on what that virus is.
Speaker 2:What was the virus?
Speaker 1:um, I haven't read it oh, okay I clicked on it and then it. Our internet was slow, like on our wi-fi, so it didn't open whatever and I was like I'll go back to it and I haven't until just now Got it. It just came through.
Speaker 2:Okay, it came through.
Speaker 1:This is hot off the press, yeah that's hot off the press, okay, so I have not read it yet.
Speaker 2:Okay, and.
Speaker 1:I only have one more.
Speaker 2:Okay, two's not bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay. Well, I don't live in Florida, so I guess a two out of five. I'm just wondering how they're going to.
Speaker 2:How are they enforcing that? Are you going to ID people under 14?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's a good question, because it's not like you can drive. You're not going to be able to do it through like driver's license, identification or birth certificate. Well, I don't know, yeah, that sounds challenging, but they don't always think about laws before they pass them. Sometimes you just pass a law and you're like we can do it. People are like how? Well and then you go.
Speaker 1:That's for the experts and it like they're not allowed to have an account.
Speaker 2:but Can you still browse? Yeah, well, I mean some of them require you to have an account, I guess.
Speaker 1:Well, I know, but if their parents have accounts or if they use fake Like? I remember you had to be 13 to get a Facebook, but people just lied about their birthday. Yes, uh-huh, like I don't really understand how that's gonna be enforced.
Speaker 2:Yeah people are just gonna like vpn around or whatever yeah, I'm just like.
Speaker 1:I don't understand why we're not making laws and regulations for how the platforms operate or how they prey on people using. We need more laws about kids. Yeah, kids love laws. Well, I just Anyway like so is your parent going to get fined or put in jail if they find out that you're on?
Speaker 2:Straight to jail. You go straight to jail 14-year-old jail.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, like you wouldn't so. Are they sending kids to juvie for TikToking in middle school? Kids to juvie for tick-tocking in middle school, I don't know like talking without a license, and they can't even do it with parental permission. I don't know. I just have a lot of questions. It didn't give me a lot of anxiety. I would say like a two out of I'm not gonna lie to you again.
Speaker 2:Like I said, a lot of laws aren't like actually vetted before they pass them. Sometimes they just pass them and people are like, how yeah, and then that's somebody else's job to figure that out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's the people who, like are affected by the law, have to figure out how to comply with it. That's really fun.
Speaker 1:Okay, bad dad mean mom. Oh, bad dad mean mom. Mean mom somehow has acquired the wrong Play-Doh, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:That's mean mom.
Speaker 1:Mean mom somehow ended up with strawberry-scented Crayola. I don't know what they call it, because it's not play-doh, because it's not play-doh brand.
Speaker 3:So dough play dough to play.
Speaker 2:The playing dough from Crayola that's scented Horrible.
Speaker 1:It's a little sticky Ever get play-doh brand play-Doh or make your own Like I'm wondering if it got left in the car or something.
Speaker 2:Maybe it got cooked?
Speaker 1:No, but that would dry it out.
Speaker 2:That wouldn't make it wetter, I don't know man. Maybe it turned into an adhesive.
Speaker 1:It's horrible, yeah, and our daughter was playing with it.
Speaker 2:At least it's bright red. It's like the reddest red you could ever have.
Speaker 1:She came in and was just like what's happening to me? I wanted to play with Play-Doh and instead I got red glue. Yeah, she covered?
Speaker 2:she covered some wooden figurines and Play-Doh.
Speaker 1:It didn't have the same impact as when it's Play-Doh and I don't know that it's coming off of them real easy.
Speaker 2:Yeah so that was mean mom. Hey, fingers crossed. Crayola is usually pretty washable as far as products go.
Speaker 1:What did bad dad do?
Speaker 2:Bad dad, Bad dad man, bad dad didn't have the longest fuse this morning, Didn't act out too much, but just didn't have. Our toddler had a short fuse this morning and I was not.
Speaker 1:And you matched that energy. Yeah, I matched. You said watch me match your energy.
Speaker 2:I matched some toddler energy today, yeah. I had a lot of like hey, I can't help you with this, I need a second, and just had to walk away, which didn't help. Walking away from your toddler rarely makes them feel comforted, so I had some making up to do when I got home.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:After my morning appointment. But yeah, I don't know when you're crying at Mario Kart, it's really hard to figure out what's happening.
Speaker 1:Matt cries at Mario Kart all the time. That's not even true. We played this weekend with my friend, amy, that I was talking about earlier. That came to visit and she is a Mario Kart. I've never seen somebody so good at Mario Kart. It's wild. And Matt like he just was ticked off.
Speaker 2:Hey, yeah, I would consistently come in second to fourth place, but that was it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there was no. Winning was not an option. I wasn't even gunning, we were all just playing for second.
Speaker 2:I was just competing against Matt Fair. I only learned how to actually do it well the last couple races.
Speaker 1:we did so you think you're coming for her.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I got this Next time.
Speaker 1:Matt literally ordered the controllers and I think he's going to be practicing until Amy comes back.
Speaker 2:No, probably not. Our toddler just likes the game. Yeah, it's her first game experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she has been just very—that's a dad win. Dad ordered steering wheels yeah yeah, because tilt steering.
Speaker 2:she's not understanding button or analog stick steering very well and it's frustrating her because her car is just driving into a wall constantly, which is not a visually entertaining experience. So I found out, it will somewhat steer for you and press the button to go for you, so it basically drives around the course. And then what do you do? Somewhat steer for you and press the button to go for you. Uh, so it basically drives around the course. Um, and then what do you do? You can throw stuff.
Speaker 2:Uh you can lay on the brake and then your car doesn't go. It goes really slow.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:We've been doing that some and then she's like why is my car broken? And I was like you have to stop holding the brake, yeah.
Speaker 1:Don holding the break.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't press the button. You're pressing. That's fine. I do enjoy that. Anytime she gets an item, it's immediately deployed. Like she hits a box, she throws it. She's just like her mom. Yeah, that's how I play You're like. I got to get rid of this item, so I have room for another item.
Speaker 1:Exactly yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:She is you in that capacity, for sure. Oh, I'm not very good at mario kart, if you guys didn't hear. We tried to play overcooked too, and I was terrible we've tried to play that before. It's a game where you like have to cooperatively prepare my problem is I am not very good with a joystick, like I learned on a d-pad from playstation 2. That was my peak video game time and I played a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I never had to learn to really navigate with the D-pad. I always forget.
Speaker 2:They added analog sticks later.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like originally, the first PlayStation didn't have analog sticks, and then they tagged them on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it had one.
Speaker 2:What you have, one that has just one joystick. Uh-huh, are you thinking of a Nintendo?
Speaker 1:No, Okay, now hold on A single analog stick.
Speaker 2:I thought they always had two. Maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 1:PlayStation 2 controller. I'm searching because maybe I'm wrong. Oh no, it had two. I was a little confused, but I in my head the I guess let me rephrase um the game that I played.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, a lot of. Unless you were using a shooter, you probably didn't need a second analog stick but, it had to yes, yes, but movement is almost always one. Yes is almost always one.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm just dumb, it's okay.
Speaker 2:It's okay. That makes more sense as soon as.
Speaker 1:I saw it because, as I was envisioning it in my head, after I said that out loud, I was like no, there are two. And I was like I need to look at it. Yeah, but the games that I used didn't use the and I didn't play any shooters or anything like that. I wasn't playing anything with guns in it, period.
Speaker 2:You weren't playing things where you needed to look one way and walk another way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was oh, but I didn't use two analogs. Oh, you were D-pad movement I used D-pad to move myself, and then the thing to move my head Got it, and so my problem is I can't for the life of me.
Speaker 2:You would thrive on computer then, where it's just four keys to move.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, I can do that yeah it's that I can't uh the two analog just throws infinite options for direction is too much for you. It yes, yeah like my brain can't, which is honestly kind of funny because when I'm thinking about, like how I use the d-pad, to me it feels like it shouldn't it should be like an analog stick it should be not that different quite frankly, if you're playing mario kart, you can just use the buttons to go left and right I know because you're just trying to go left and right, forward and back.
Speaker 2:It's not right, yeah I do like I hear you and you don't need the other one, so I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I'm just not very good, it's okay.
Speaker 2:It's okay, you're out of practice.
Speaker 1:I played Barrio. Oh my gosh, I can't speak. I played Barbie Horse Adventure. I played Barbie Horse Adventure.
Speaker 2:I'm sure that took a lot of movement.
Speaker 1:I played a lot. It did. You had to move your head and you had to use both. That's why, when you said you didn't have to do a lot of head movement, I was like Barbie Horse Adventure you did.
Speaker 2:I assumed that was in point and click realm, but I guess not.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no. It was exactly like a first-person shooter, except for you're Barbie and you're on a horse.
Speaker 2:So I mean yeah, basically indistinguishable. Yeah, now I want like get out my playstation 2, I bet they still have it at home.
Speaker 3:I don't know if we could find it barbie horse adventure, I'm sure you do?
Speaker 1:yeah, um, I played that and I played a lot of tony hawk oh pro skater yeah, and then I also bought myself at a uh garage sale a game cube, and I did uh super monkey Ball. Yes.
Speaker 2:You played Super Monkey Ball. I don't know that you had any other games for it.
Speaker 1:I don't think I did, but Bren. So I have two friends now my friend Bren from growing up, who I talked about last week actually I'm just sorry girls and my friend Amy, who is in town, one I met in college, one I've known since I was a little kid, and both of them remind me of each other because they both just like, were freaky good at games and they played a ton of video games. But I wanted to compete with Bren, so bad. But my parents wouldn't get me a GameCube. So I found one at a garage sale. I used my money that I'd saved, I bought it. I couldn't afford games for it because games were expensive, so I saved and I bought Super Monkey Ball.
Speaker 2:And I practiced and it was the only game that I could compete in at Brent's house. You were world class at Super Monkey Ball.
Speaker 1:I was not, no, but I was just trying to be competitive not even you know so that I didn't just fall off the track every time Because I had to learn the courses. Anyway, that's so great, no one cares. Love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've gone deep on PlayStation and Super Monkey Ball, so that's good.
Speaker 1:Do you think they still make Super Monkey Ball?
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't think that that was a good game.
Speaker 2:Maybe I could be wrong. It was a good game. I believe you. I think I played it like one time Only at your house and I was like I don't understand this game.
Speaker 1:We did a lot of Guitar Hero.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was a classic.
Speaker 1:Wasn't there a rock band? That's what I was we played a fair amount of that, thank you for knowing what I where I was going, because I was like there was one that wasn't no, I had.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I played in a garage band and we played rock band sometimes that was fun it was fun like that was a good game.
Speaker 1:Do they make that anymore?
Speaker 2:I know they still make ddr yeah, I mean I think you can still play it and I think some of them they still release songs for I don't know if they have new games often.
Speaker 1:We should get Rockstar and have friends over and play that one. That would be fun.
Speaker 2:The fun part about singing is you didn't have to sing the words, you just had to be like roughly the pitch.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I remember that, so you just made up the words.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they were never appropriate, we did that for New Year's at my house.
Speaker 1:Really yeah, you were there.
Speaker 3:I was there, I don't remember that.
Speaker 1:Maybe you weren't, maybe it wasn't you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I thought you were there, a different guy.
Speaker 1:Or maybe there was no guy, maybe I just had friends. I don't remember. But for New Year's one year we played rock band at my house. That might have been before my time. Yeah, maybe there may have not been a boy there, I don't know. Yeah, it could have just been my girlfriend. Could have just been a better guy, probably. Who knows those way better dudes that I dated before you, all the better dudes, yeah, the best dudes. Yeah, the best dudes.
Speaker 2:It was the best of dudes.
Speaker 1:It was the best of dudes until I met the worst of dudes.
Speaker 2:Then you married him. So yeah, right, what a dumb, dumb Okay. Word of the day. Word of the week.
Speaker 1:Word of the week. Ha ha, that was bad.
Speaker 2:I wasn't going to say anything.
Speaker 1:I hated that. I was like kind of trying to do it bad and then I was shocked at how bad it came out.
Speaker 2:Are you familiar? You've your word. Talk has contagious to me, pardon, that was are you familiar with the word flout? Flout, uh-huh like clout with it, but with an so like flower clout, is it?
Speaker 1:is it when you have a really popular oh flout? Um no, I'm comparing it to flounder, I'm comparing it to clout those are two words, anything in common with either.
Speaker 2:No, to flout something is to treat it with contemptuous disregard. If you're flouting a curfew, they will not hide the fact that they are out past the time they're required to be home.
Speaker 1:Okay, understood.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Flout.
Speaker 2:The court found that the company had continued to flout the law despite multiple warnings.
Speaker 1:So not just breaking the law, being like look at me breaking this law To flout his responsibilities of tearing down the building outside. That I don't want there.
Speaker 2:I mean, I know that I'm strutting around in the building being like, look at what I didn't tear down. But yes, sure, yeah, I haven't torn it down yet. If that's what you're saying, flouting, it would be like me hanging out in there and like showing you the building I'm not tearing down.
Speaker 1:So it is like clout, Like it's like it's like kind of not at all, it's exactly like, but I can't put it in my brain in those categories of like you're like proud that you're an idiot.
Speaker 2:Think of like G at bedtime, not going to bed. She's flouting bedtime.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, never mind, she's like.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to bed. Ha ha runs away, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, I don't think I'm going to use that one, but thank you for bringing it to my attention. Okay, well, at first I thought I might.
Speaker 2:I was like okay, You've learned a little something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you made it more and more complicated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's not working for me. No, you know me, I love specificity.
Speaker 1:Specificity of language.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, emails this week.
Speaker 2:Let's read some emails, people asking things that are better worded than us. Hi, joe and Matt Love the podcast. It's always a bright spot in my week. I would love your advice. I'll try to keep it short.
Speaker 2:I'm 27. I've been in a relationship for five years with the love of my life. I know that's a cliche thing to excited, but I'm struggling with the family dynamic. My immediate family is very strictly religious, to the point that if one is not directly involved they are disowned. I live a few states away from them now. We are not very close in general. I had a hard childhood because of the religion's teachings. Recently it's been made very clear that I have to choose them or my boyfriend. You would think this is a simple decision, but I can't get past the societal standard that families should be close and that they will not be at my wedding, involved in our future kids' lives etc. Purely because we are not involved in this religion anymore. I know you've touched on religion a few times, so hopefully you don't mind touching on this again. Any advice is appreciated. Sincerely, a confused listener. Ps.
Speaker 1:I'm very close with I don't think you're confused. I think you're sad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's okay to be sad about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I don't think you're confused. I think your email said my family wants to disown me. And if I don't bend to their will and I don't want to bend to their will, so my family's going to disown me. And if I don't bend to their will and I don't want to bend to their will, so my family's gonna disown me, don't?
Speaker 2:laugh. I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you, just kidding. I laugh when I get uncomfortable, which is not the best reflex no, like that's a terrible situation to be put in.
Speaker 1:But I I just want to point out I don't feel like you're confused. I think that is crappy of your family, but uh, it's what it is. Yeah, move forward, go no contact. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I like I joe's ready to burn those bridges, she's ready to go. She's like you know what burn that bridge. You're better off alone, yeah uh I I do think there's a good point, though, that you're very much it does you're that it is more about being sad, the situation you're in less so about. What do I do? Yeah, because I think I don't think you email us and are like, hey, should I hang out with my family that I don't agree with and doesn't like me for who I am?
Speaker 1:Or should I stick with?
Speaker 2:Hopefully you know this podcast a little better than that, we'd be like that's a pretty good idea. Yeah, you should just tamp those feelings down.
Speaker 1:Or the person that you're describing as the love of your life, that you enjoy being with, that you're excited to get engaged to, and the family of his that is loving and supportive toward you. Yeah, yeah, I, yeah, I do. I understand the idea of societal norms that family is supposed to be close, but tell me how many people you actually know that it is that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, most people don't have perfect families.
Speaker 1:I don't really. I know very limited people who are close with their families or they feel like their families know them well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the difficult part of family is you don't get to pick them, you just you they. They come along with existing Um, and so that means you don't have to have anything in common at all and they're still, uh, for some reason, like tied to you, and that can be really inconvenient.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say that that's something that you're just going to have to work through. Yeah, and it is sad, and it's especially sad having friends that have really healthy dynamics that you don't. I definitely understand that side of things. I think that's something that I really struggle with, especially since we've had kids. But that's going to happen, no matter what. Whether you're I don't know, you don't want to choose the people who are telling you to change versus the person that makes you feel seen and loved. So I think there's no confusion, the decision is clear and I'm sorry that you're having to deal with the consequences and the fallout from the ultimatum that they're giving you. And, like, the advice I would give is always leave the door open, like that is the biggest thing I would say is saying, yeah, I'm not giving into that ultimatum. So if you choose to not be in my life because I'm choosing this thing, that's good for me, that's okay. But if you change your mind along the way, like and want to, you know, reconnect.
Speaker 1:I will be open to that, don't guarantee it the things.
Speaker 2:Don't guarantee it you know, Invite them yeah.
Speaker 1:If you don't feel like it's going to cause you drama or stress or I don't know. I just always think that leaving the door open is good. Yeah, yeah, barring some extreme circumstances, but you don't need to feel bad for standing your ground and being who you are no, and loving who you are no, and loving who you love.
Speaker 2:No, there's a. That path isn't going to lead you far, it's just going to really make you sadder. So sorry to hear that that sucks, but.
Speaker 1:Yeah, extremes are bad. Extremes are bad.
Speaker 2:Beautifully said.
Speaker 1:Thank you. That's, I think, like the number one thing I have learned in my adulthood, like I think that's my theme in life. It's like extreme Anything not good, it doesn't matter what it is Like. I don't think there are very many things in this world that are innately like bad, but I think taking anything to an extreme is going to have bad. Do you want?
Speaker 2:to read one.
Speaker 1:Sure Okay. Hi guys, me, female 27, and my fiance, male 27, had been dating for four and a half years and engaged for one. He proposed with a small Pandora ring and said he was still saving up for one I really wanted, which I was totally okay with. We began planning a wedding shortly after getting engaged, last April, and my fiance began to travel a lot for work, roughly two weeks every month. He wanted me to handle most of the wedding labor and he didn't care what it entailed, it just wanted me to be happy.
Speaker 1:Before getting engaged, we hadn't really discussed money or our individual financial health. We're both small business owners me a cleaning company and he a media company so I assumed he was doing well, as he loves going out, having fun and has expensive hobbies. Fast forward a few months and we began arguing over cost of things as I tried to get him nailed down to a budget, come to learn he was not making the kind of money he had alluded to me and we decided to cancel the wedding plans we had and put a pause on the wedding itself. After urging him to please discuss finances, even just the bare minimum of a credit check, we learned he had a huge amount of student loan debt he was unaware of and I learned he had a few credit cards with small limits he had maxed out. I'm very financially minded. My dad raised me to save and be careful and a huge part of my safety is wrapped into finances. He said he was going to make some big changes and I took him for his word and decided to trust that he was going to get himself on financial track. He left his other small businesses to begin a new solo venture in media and has been telling me he's making so much more money.
Speaker 1:Two months ago I decided to open a new credit card and put him as an authorized holder to help him build his credit and gave him a card in his name for emergencies. Only Over the weekend I got a weird email about the card and opened the app to check it, as I was trusting him and hadn't looked before this. Now I see he's put on almost $2,000 in new debt and missed even the minimum payment, which is now hitting my credit. He didn't really have any excuse and didn't apologize, but he did say he didn't tell me since he was too prideful.
Speaker 1:Almost a full year being engaged, I'm really questioning if he can change and if it's right, to move forward and marry him. I love him a lot, but I'm worried he may never learn and continue to break my trust. Ps still don't have an official ring, any advice over things I could do or implement or how to handle this without being a mom about it oh, that is tough, okay, very tough I only have one critical statement of you, okay, and that is somebody who does not have any financial literacy, being like hey, you're not doing your finances right, fix it.
Speaker 1:And then exiting and just expecting them to do better.
Speaker 2:Is uh has a very low success rate.
Speaker 1:It's not effective. Because if he's living like this, chances are this isn't guaranteed, obviously, but chances are he doesn't have good financial literacy and education and so it's going to be hard for you to be like, okay, we'll just like, do better, because what does that mean? And like, how did you define that? And were you like I feel like to people who have a good grasp on finances, like obvious, like it seems more obvious. It's like, well, obviously that means, um, no debt. Obviously that means you know, saving obvious. But like to him it sounds like maybe that just meant making more money. So I would start there. I'd say there needs to be a defined conversation around what does financial security look like? What are the goals Really define for both of you what that looks like?
Speaker 2:But the dishonesty and stuff is that's the concerning part especially. That's a huge red flag for me. Yeah, it's one thing. If it's somebody just not looking at their finances and not keeping good track of where they're at, that speaks a lot more to financial literacy or anxiety around money. Literacy or anxiety around money, it's the not being transparent about it when it's called out or when you're trying to sit down and constructively move forward.
Speaker 2:That's really the biggest issue I see, and it's not a good idea to move forward in a relationship if you're that far apart on things and if it's somebody who seems unwilling to work on it. Now, as you pointed out, there's definitely smaller baby steps or things that could be guided along with, but if the person's not willing to be guided either, you're kind of on just totally separate pages and it sucks to have a separate pages and it sucks to have a otherwise good relationship messed up by finances, but it's really important.
Speaker 1:I think that's like the number one thing that people fight over in marriage is money.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's, it's the biggest thing and it's not going to get simpler as you have more expenses and more complications in your life and as you become more and more intertwined or more dependence, like if you choose to have pets, or if you choose to have children, or their health concerns, et cetera, et cetera, or your car breaks down like it doesn't.
Speaker 2:I mean there's going to be like your expenses will grow over time as you. If your business grows, like lots of things can happen where the numbers are going to get bigger, and the bigger they are, the more complicated, the more challenging those obstacles are, and so if you're having them now on a smaller scale, there's no reason to think it's going to get better, and so we're not really advocating ultimatums often, but you're going to have to be really clear about this is how this has to be resolved Like this is how serious it is in terms of our relationship, and that is an ultimatum, I guess, but sometimes it's. It's in or out.
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily think it's an ultimatum of like do this or I dump you. I don't think it needs to be presented because I think of that as an ultimatum. I think of like I guess a boundary can be seen as an ultimatum but you need boundaries.
Speaker 1:Right. But I do think more of it's like hey, like I want financial security, that's important in my relationship and I need trust. Like I need to see that we're like actively working on this together. Or I'm going to go out on my own and like this has been great and I think you're a great person. I just don't see this working in the longterm for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, that advice doesn't feel good to give.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Today's advice so far. I'm like gosh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, nobody has like stripper names or something. What, what did you just say? What, like I don't know, ridiculous questions.
Speaker 1:These are all very what was the name of your fourth grade teacher? And, like your, first pet?
Speaker 2:What's the street you grew up on?
Speaker 1:Yeah, brown Dobby, yeah, yeah, and like your first pet. What's the street you grew?
Speaker 2:up on yeah, brown Dobby, yeah, yeah, something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know we're still open to dumb questions guys, it was Mrs Brown and Dobby, and that's real gross.
Speaker 2:That is the worst, just the worst name. Oh, yikes, yikes. Oh man, all right, next one hey Joe and Matt love your spot. Hey Joe and Matt love y'all's podcast and social media content. I'm a college student majoring in agricultural communication, so I have a background in these things and really enjoy seeing work from professionals in different fields. My partner and I have been dating over a year and we're both very driven. It's difficult for us to plan time to spend together. We have different expectations on how much time we should spend together. I find it challenging for the health of our relationship. We go to the same school, but we did long distance on and off for study abroad during our first year together. What advice do you have for college students in relationships? This is the third year. I've thought about asking where this relationship is going, but I don't know either. Anyways, thanks for being our podcast parents.
Speaker 1:My hot take is who cares Not about your? Relationship but how much time you're spending together. We did not spend that much time together in college.
Speaker 2:No, not as much as a lot of people did.
Speaker 1:We both did our own thing.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think we'd have to understand how it's damaging the health of your relationship a little bit more than because, like, it's not clear on who's not getting enough or who's having like is there. It doesn't sound like too much, and why is it not? What's inadequate about it? Yeah and maybe that's a question you have to answer for yourself, and maybe it's more of an outside perception, and if it's working for you, I'd keep it working.
Speaker 1:I just have this really hot take about young relationships that you have the rest of your life to spend a ton of time together.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it's important that when you are together, you enjoy it and you want to spend time with one another. And I don't necessarily think it's wrong if you guys both love to spend tons of time and that's what you are great. But I look back and we talked about this not that long ago that you think that if we hadn't have had kids yet and would we spend more time together, and Matt was like no, absolutely not. No, he said you'd be focused on career and job and friends and we would still see each other yeah, but like we would do different things together but we'd probably see each other about the same amount yeah, and so I, uh, I don't know, that's hard for me yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:it's much more about addressing what somebody's not getting out of the relationship, then I agree, having a good Quantity of time just for a quantity's sake, um, and if you can address that individually, I think you're good Also. Yeah, you're young, like you don't have to Stress yourself out about this you and I have always been really good about.
Speaker 2:We're good with hanging out and we're good with not yeah, yeah, and I that's, but I don't know how we got there again. It's a you have to be really trusting in your relationship, I guess, or you have to feel adequately attached. I don't know, and that's something I don't think either one of us has struggled with, simply because we both kind of start there in terms of like, if I can't trust this person innately, what am I doing? Yeah, so I'm going to try to trust them innately, and if that doesn't work out, we'll work on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this email is about religious trauma and they preface everything with any religion can bring on trauma of all kinds, and that this is just their experience. Um, because they are talking about, like, the specific religious background that they came from and they wanted that known or noted. So, uh, they did that. They assumed Matt is LDS, um, because her husband is LDS, and actually I'm going to start out by saying Matt is not LDS, no, not even close.
Speaker 1:Um, uh, very different very, very different than LDS, but it's funny that that is, or that's, what Matt grew up in. It's funny that that's the conclusion you drew A lot of people. I will get to this email but I want to talk on this. Tons of people online think that we're LDS and I think it's because so many content creators we are not LDS. We are not LDS adjacent, I don't know anybody from my life outside of meeting creators doing this job now.
Speaker 1:Now I'm connected with people who I think content is the main way that you've Met anybody, even People that are.
Speaker 1:Anyway. So All of that to say. I just wanted to note that. But Okay, here's our email. There was a whole paragraph about that, and so I just wanted to toss it out there. A little pretext, a little pretext, yeah, um, and I don't think you're like purposely omitting anything either Um, so I'm all for believing in whatever you choose, but his church upbringing has always been a tough part of our relationship.
Speaker 1:I've spent the last five years unpacking trauma from his religious upbringing. I grew up trauma-free in a wonderful church that we still go to each Sunday. My husband and I fell in love in 2017 while we were in high school. I was like Joe and didn't know about his church activities until about six months or so in, when we started to go out more and there were certain things that he couldn't have or do coffee, tea, et cetera. The church shamed him of all natural bodily functions and pride for confession of natural thoughts.
Speaker 1:I could go on and on about the trauma caused by the church, as I'm sure you could too. The things he was told he couldn't have all of his life because it was wrong mainly sex has led him to unendingly want those things, which, of course, is natural for humans to want, but in my opinion it gets unhealthy. We now have a toddler of our own and I don't want his trauma to negatively impact our son. So it's so hard for us because there is a lot of shame and guilt that we receive from his side of the family because we are not members. We have overcome so much and I'm oversharing, I know, but it's so interesting to me that there are others who have similar experiences. I guess I have more of a statement, but I'd love to know how you guys have navigated religious trauma over the years.
Speaker 2:Hmm, that's a good question. How have we navigated religious trauma over the years?
Speaker 1:I don't really have any because, I didn't grow up with. I grew up in church Very active.
Speaker 1:yeah, Well, we were active in church, like I was confirmed when I was you know whatever. Like I grew up in a Presbyterian church but we didn't do a lot of church outside of church. I think church was really primarily for the community. That was within there and like meeting people and having people we were seeing on a regular basis. My mom grew up Methodist and I, as my mom's health declined and things shifted, it just and it was never something that I really resonated with and that, like I don't know, it was never my thing and my parents were always very accepting of that. Like I wasn't worried about bringing that to the table. You're interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mine's a little trickier.
Speaker 1:I feel like I totally hear what you're saying Because the experience that you described in the email I have a lot of friends that are in that situation, A lot of friends that grew up in purity culture or their spouses grew up in purity culture and it was very extreme and there are very stringent expectations of how they should behave in order to get acceptance from family and things like that. I don't think that's been your experience.
Speaker 2:No, not at all. No, and it's a little bit different. And what you said about things becoming a fixation definitely can be unhealthy and that's really a risk you run when you tell someone that they can't have something for a long time that is natural to want. It happens with food, it happens with sex, it happens with I mean, it happens with screens. It happens. There's a lot of stuff that people really try to control and a lot of times the more you try and control something, the more it's going to it puts things on a pedestal.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's about well, I mean, I guess this is within control, but I don't think it's about purely control. I think it is about completely omitting something because people try to control it, because they realize that something in excess can be negative. So like too much screen bad, too much food bad, too much sex like bad, or sex with the wrong, whatever it is, you know like people perceive that as bad. So their solution to that is to just omit that from the conversation entirely. And those all of those things screens, sex, food that we're talking about right now are healthy, normal things of the human experience. Not so much screens, I guess, but in our culture, our current culture Largely unavoidable part of life yeah, and so it's like you have to learn to do it and to experience those things healthily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't moderate something that you're not exposed to right when you're not to it and then all of a sudden they're like, okay, it's okay now. Because what you're saying in the email where they're saying that sex feels like a fixation a lot of my friends and I'll let you speak to how you feel about it, but a lot of my friends who grew up in purity culture, their struggle wasn't being married and then being obsessive about sex. It was that they'd been told that it was wrong for so long that even after they got married and it was now okay and it was now allowed and healthy and encouraged, that switch flipping was really hard for them because they still felt like they were doing something wrong or dirty or bad or that they were going to get judged for Um, and it took years of unpacking Like I think that's more the direction A lot of my friends that I've talked to about this with fell.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that internal filter is really hard to turn off, um, and yeah, I can see it goes one of two ways. Like you said, it's either, uh, I still think of it as bad, or now it's okay and it's something that is is a primary focus, and neither one's very productive. Yeah, my, my background definitely, um, and it's interesting, I didn't get a ton of external pressure. I've always put the pressure on myself. Um, I wasn't getting a lot of feedback growing up. I didn't get a lot of positive or negative feedback. Uh, it was very neutral environment and there's some good things that can come out of that, and then there's a lot of things that it kind of desensitizes you to feedback, uh, which uh can be, can be hard.
Speaker 1:Well, I think, generally speaking, people need feedback.
Speaker 2:That's how our how we navigate the world, and when you become desensitized to it, like I have, it means that both the positive and the negative mean less, and so it's hard to build you up and Also hard to break you down.
Speaker 2:It can be hard to break you down, but if you're breaking yourself down, that's what rings true, that's what feels accurate to you, and building you up, since it doesn't feel accurate to you, really means very little. So it's like, okay, cool, you said some good words to me, but I still don't think what I did is good. And so it becomes all run through your internal filter, and if your internal filter's a little bit fucked up, uh is problematic. I guess we can continue with like sex, like understanding, like sex before marriage or, um, lust just in general, like sexual thought, um, not supposed to have that. And so you project yourself as someone that doesn't have that or doesn't feel a certain way, and you just avoid it entirely.
Speaker 2:Um, that was very much my experience, and so I just had a, a mask or a shell, that, okay, I did that. And then, when I was around people that didn't care, yeah, when I was around people that didn't care, I didn't need to use it. And when I was around people that did, uh, it was, the second skin was not an issue for me to slip in and out of, but it does. It's hard for it to go away and it takes a lot of work and still working on a lot of it, but there's teachings that underline everything in your life, and so you kind of build up this value system at least I did and it was like okay, well, this is what that looks like.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think the thing that's interesting about you and me both is a lot of people we meet that are deconstructing religion for themselves, are struggling with how to know what they believe, and I don't think you and I have ever really struggled with what we believe. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so for both of us. We're pretty in tune and in touch with what we feel, what we believe, and we meet people, really good friends, who are super in touch with what they believe and they are Christian and they are very devout in their faith and it is okay for both of us to coexist because we are now at a point in our lives that we feel pretty comfortable being like yeah, we don't believe that, but we support you that you find your peace in that because you support us, that we find our peace in our own beliefs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or it requires being very comfortable not knowing. There's also that Sometimes you can just be like I don't know, I can't know, and I'm okay with that. I'm never going to know for sure, which is sometimes where I fall. You know, it's uh and that's okay.
Speaker 1:Can you speak to the not wanting to kind of put the result of that upbringing onto your kids?
Speaker 3:Sorry that was.
Speaker 1:I was really fighting to find the words in my head.
Speaker 2:Um, man, it's so much communication. It's a lot of communication. It's talking about things that I'm not comfortable talking about, which I do on this podcast. Often there's a lot of stuff that I have a hard time talking about, that I only do in front of a microphone.
Speaker 2:I guess and thousands of listeners. So that's cool. It's making yourself very vulnerable and answering questions that you're like, ooh, I would never ask that question because I know better. But you know better because somebody taught you to feel that way and to fear the answer to that question.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so it's kind of letting your kid learn over time I mean, our kid is two and a half of letting your kid learn over time. I mean, she's, our kid is two and a half, so there's not, we're not crossing a ton of like bridges about, you know, substances or sex, but you definitely have to cross bridges about your body, like how to feel about your body, how to feel about, just, yeah, generally being a boy or a girl or what what that means, and so over time, the goal is just to to talk it out and be really, really honest, and sometimes I have to be honest about like hey, I don't have the right answers for this or I'm not a good example sometimes one of my biggest parenting hot takes is that you don't teach your children values.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think that, as a parent, your job is to teach your kids what their values should be. I think your job as a parent is to teach your child how to find their values. I think it is your job to help aid your children in learning to ask the right questions and to trust their instincts and to guide them in finding what feels right and feels good and peaceful for them. Yeah, and I think that is exactly what you're describing yeah, yeah, we don't.
Speaker 2:I mean again, we don't have all the answers, so we're definitely not religious or sexual experts.
Speaker 1:No, we're experts in nothing. Maybe read a book by one.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Yeah, that might provide better specific advice, but generally speaking, that's provide better specific advice. But generally speaking, um, that's how we've navigated it. But, um, you know, results may vary. Results may vary is right. So good luck in your uh breaking down and building up of new spiritual values.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a battle. Yeah, we have time for a voicemail.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a battle. Yeah, we have time for a voicemail.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's do one.
Speaker 2:All right, let's ride.
Speaker 3:Hi guys, I am calling in because I'm listening to you guys talk about Midwest nice and different cultures from around like the United States. And I'm originally from South Texas, like raised in the deep South, um, and then I went to college in Columbus, ohio, and then I went to the University of Alabama, uh, which is where I graduated from, which again is like deep, deep south, like those roots are way bigger, and then I packed up shop and I moved to, uh, southern California, all for school and all. There's a bunch of different stuff. But you guys are talking about like different cultures and different places, and it's very, very true.
Speaker 3:So, like I did a bunch of panel interviews when I got to graduate school and I said, you know, yes, ma'am, yes sir, no ma'am, no sir, etc. Because that was how I was raising, like what I was comfortable with, and I actually got docked for it in my interviews, even though I made it like known from the beginning that I was from South Texas and it was actually like a point of contention when I got here and when I started my jobs, because it was considered so rude and the frequency with which I said it I was was rude and it was, it was a.
Speaker 1:It was an adjustment, so like there are definitely different like subcultures within the United States and that just adds to the experience uh, she got cut off right there, but because it's we have a limited amount of time that you can record, but I I'm really, really glad you called in to say that because it is such a good example.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing that I struggle so much with the South is because the South thinks they are not not not you that just called in, this is not geared toward you whatsoever. Yeah, but that thing where she came into the space and obviously you were raised in the South, so you came into the space and you were like, yeah, but that's what I'm comfortable with. But and I think that that's something that's taught in the South so much they expect people to enter again not geared toward you. No, they expect people to enter into the South and play by their rules and but then they want to enter into other people's spaces and still play by their rules.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's by their rules and but then they want to enter into other people's spaces and still play by their rules, yeah it's just a very it's. It's taught very rigidly like this is wrong, which is tough like it's not a universal truth for anybody no, so no it.
Speaker 1:Oh man, it irks me, it really does, because I still I think about that mom that was so like insulted. My parents told me that like how they cleared like they raised me like shit and like all this stuff, like how upset she was with me for not saying yes, ma'am to her, like still to this day. It blew my mind, totally blew my mind, because I just don't think, I don't know, yeah you've got a little trauma around it. I have a little bit of trauma around dealing with deep south and rural south um, and it's.
Speaker 1:I actually had a conversation with somebody after they, a friend, after they listened to last week's episode. Um, about like rural south versus city south because, they're different too proper, um, and I I think, yeah, it is very different. Yeah, I will, I'll ride for the midwest forever. I really will like I will ride for the midwest we love our generally inoffensive midwest I hot take. I think it's right, like I really do. I don't think yes, ma'am, and no, sir, is wrong. I don't have a problem with that in Southern culture.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just about knowing who you're talking to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have a problem with how it's handled, Like I feel like in the. I wonder if it's too because the Midwest is maybe more of a melting pot of people, Is it? I don't know that it is.
Speaker 2:I just like yeah, it's, the Midwest is a lot of. It came from Europe but like a lot of agriculture and stuff and so it had it blended a lot of cultures of.
Speaker 1:And so I think maybe people just don't expect a universal yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't. People just don't expect a universal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 2:That's a good question.
Speaker 1:Cause like New York and LA and California and stuff are interesting Like the big cities. Yeah, really, when you get up like in Northern like New York, like upstate New York and stuff, it's Midwest-y. Yeah, it can be, it's like upstate New York and stuff it's Midwest-y. Yeah, it can be. There are a lot of to me people that are listening to this right now are like absolutely not Losing their mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, like they're dying. We have our very specific culture that you're disrespecting.
Speaker 1:Right, exactly, and I'm not saying that there isn't different culture to it, but I think a lot of those medium-sized towns, like I think Midwest culture is rooted in community and I think there is a lot of culture around the United States well outside of the Midwest that is rooted in community. I think the Midwest is just way more defined by its roots in community than other areas are, because other areas, for instance New York City, la, the South, like I think a lot of those are rooted by big cities.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Rather than by the culture of the state as a whole. Okay, yeah. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:I don't know I don't know, it's interesting yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, all that to say, I'm sorry that you got docked on your um interviews, your interviews, and I wish that I could have told you that that was going to happen, cause I could have told you that that was going to happen. Because I could have told you that was going to happen.
Speaker 1:I told my friend who is from rural Arkansas, ended up being in travel nursing, and I told her when she started traveling, I said you're going to have to put that yes, ma'am, no sir, in your pocket, because people are going to be offended and she was like okay, and we've talked about it since she was like you are 100% right and we've talked about it since she's like.
Speaker 2:you are 100% right. Yeah, that's only going to fly south of the.
Speaker 1:Mason-Dixon line. Yeah, people think you're patronizing them wholeheartedly. They're like are you calling?
Speaker 2:me old. Yeah, I am your boss, but I don't like how you're talking to me. Yeah, I don't like that. It's a little too respectful. Yeah well, it doesn't feel respectful to people who are not from yeah, if it's not been normalized, you're like why is this so serious? Why are you? Why is the excessive formality being played here?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I don't have again. Don't have a problem with yes, ma'am, no, sir, I don't think it's like no, but it's very much is in play where we live now yes, I am on the side of tiktok where they're talking about united states as a whole and how many subcultures exist within the United States. There are parts of US culture that exist across the entire continent.
Speaker 2:Sure and then Like a lot of food I'm guessing there's foods that you can get Television, yeah.
Speaker 1:Or consumption.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there are a lot of things that exist across the entire united states, but then you have different subsets of all of them, of, like, what they're consuming, what they're watching for sure, what you know yeah, not to say that all the food is the same.
Speaker 2:There's definitely a lot of regional food that varies a ton, but there are also things you can get mcdonald's anywhere in the world. Yes, I mean also. True, I was like I don't know that that's the best example because I feel like, also, things you can get McDonald's anywhere In the world. Yes, I mean also.
Speaker 1:True, I was like I don't know that that's the best example, because I feel like they have McDonald's ever, but like well, no Whataburger's. I guess pretty regional, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, less so now, but for a long time very, it was very regional.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think of one that wouldn't be international but is Panera. Yeah, I bet there's a Panera in most states at this point right.
Speaker 2:Probably.
Speaker 1:Or.
Speaker 2:McAllister's. Yeah, I'm thinking more of, like the American, broadly American palate.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, you can get pizza and burgers. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, like these are the foods you can find in almost every city.
Speaker 1:You can probably find a dive bar most places.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we didn't invent dive bars places. Yeah, we didn't. We didn't invent dive bars by the way that. No, that's plenty of those.
Speaker 1:That's not what I was trying to say but like an American cultured dive bar like you know what I mean With American beers For sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, there is. It's a very large country that has a lot of different people.
Speaker 1:It's fascinating to me, very fascinating A lot of different people. It's fascinating to me, very fascinating Fun stuff. Especially, I think, doing what I'm doing with my job, because I interact with people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1:So many like they're listeners, Like you guys are from all over, not just all over the United States, You're from all over the world. Yeah, and it's fascinating. I've learned so much. I want to go to Vancouver so badly? Yeah, maybe we'll move yeah, one day we'll see you think we should move to Canada yeah, we'll see what happens here, canada or Australia, we've got an election coming up that could be concerning.
Speaker 2:So TBD, we're just gonna pack up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that, honestly, though, the problem is, you have to do it before, because it'll be so hard to get you know we're going to have to throw our cloud around. I don't, I don't think we have enough for that Sweetheart.
Speaker 2:I'm so sorry to disappoint you. If any listeners have an in with immigration, uh, hit us up.
Speaker 1:Oh well, on that note, subscribe to the podcast. Follow us rate review. We love you guys. We will see you next week bye.