Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Oversharing with the Overbys
Mailbag Extravaganza and Body Celebrations
Kick back with us as we recount the great screen detox and the surprising ripple effect it had on our own device habits. Plus, we're airing our dirty laundry—literally—as we confess to our chore wars and the art of leaving tasks unfinished. It's not just about mismatched socks; it's about how these everyday hiccups weave into the fabric of our family life.
It's all about the emails from the listeners this week, so join as we decipher "Midwest Nice", body positivity vs body acceptance, and the latest reading and gaming habits in our house!
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overbees. I'm Jo. And I'm Matt, and each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in-depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to Oversharing.
Speaker 1:I have the music inside my soul. It goes electric, baby.
Speaker 2:Is that a Trolls?
Speaker 1:When you turn it on.
Speaker 2:That's Trolls, right.
Speaker 1:All through the city.
Speaker 2:Okay, got it yeah. We've been watching a lot of Trolls Trolls has been captivating the children this week.
Speaker 1:Actually, when I say a lot of Trolls, I've watched it twice in the last seven days, but that's like more than I've probably ever watched any one movie, I think there's a show.
Speaker 2:Jean and I watched an episode of the show the other day.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't know there was a show. Yeah, we've been limiting screen time and it's effective.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were having.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't say that we haven't been limiting.
Speaker 2:No, we have been for close to a week we were doing no screens.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We cold turkey'd it.
Speaker 1:It worked well.
Speaker 2:There was no freak out about it about it no, no, we just had to like hey, we're not doing screens today because bedtime's not going well yeah she's like and then we'd be like, do you want to play with play-doh?
Speaker 1:and she'd be like, yeah, yeah as long as we offer other options. She, that's. The thing is. I feel like we just weren't providing enough options. It was like when she was bored. She was like here's this thing that doesn't require that much out of my parents. So they're going to say yes.
Speaker 2:You know, yes, yeah, and so. So that's really on us. We've worked it back in, but we cut it off an hour to two hours before bedtime at least. Yeah.
Speaker 1:We've been doing a whole lot less, but it was really really rainy this weekend, yeah, like really rainy, and so we watched a show.
Speaker 2:Yep, and it was spring break last week. It was Trolls, so our childcare was on spring break All through my city and then mom and dad had an extended shift.
Speaker 1:So I guess we're just opening with bad dad, mean mom Bad dad mean mom, that's a good idea. Mom decided no more screens.
Speaker 2:Oh well, that's not that bad.
Speaker 1:Not permanently. Yeah, I wanted to make sure that we weren't. We had a cleanse yeah.
Speaker 2:A screen cleanse it went really well. It did, Because I'm sure we've talked about it for weeks about bedtime not going well for a while.
Speaker 1:Well, do you know what else, what I feel like? It put me in the mode of being able to watch tv at night with you. Oh, interesting, because it's not on all the time yeah like even just in the background yeah, that's a you problem that I despise what, that the tv is always on and not I shouldn't say a problem, but a you habit problem sounded way more aggressive than I wanted to problem and despise.
Speaker 2:Would you like to soften any? No, despise, I want to stick with because I do, in fact, despise it.
Speaker 1:I don't know that it's a fair feeling that I despise it or that I am allowed to voice. Well, I mean, I'm allowed to voice whatever you're not allowed to but shut it down I just mean that, like I don't shut it down okay, I don't know that it's relevant for you to like make life choices on, but Fair, I really despise it because there's just always like talk about something that needs a screen cleanse. It's mad over me everybody.
Speaker 2:I'm a something, not a someone, you also need what you said, something that needs a screen cleanse.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought I said someone and then you said I'm positive of this, we could go back and listen. You said I'm a something, not a someone. I am positive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did, I was.
Speaker 1:Oh, making fun of me. Got it, got it, got it.
Speaker 2:Something, yeah, you're dehumanizing me Correct.
Speaker 1:I thought I said someone, but my brain's not all here. It's all good. I, though, really think you need a screen cleanse.
Speaker 2:Screen cleanse.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, what do you?
Speaker 2:think would happen Nothing.
Speaker 1:You don't think anything would happen, you don't think you'd be more productive?
Speaker 2:Oh, no, I would be more productive.
Speaker 1:I thought you were just saying like oh, like, are you going to have like detox symptoms? No, I don't think that.
Speaker 2:No, I would be fine I would just be more productive.
Speaker 1:But that's an absolutely not from you.
Speaker 2:The screen cleanse, not the more productive. Already at the peak of productivity, I'm scared of how much more productive I could be really that's valid yeah. You'd probably take over the world. That's being facetious, guys, if you don't know any better.
Speaker 1:I don't. I do need the description and I appreciate it very much. Matt's been doing laundry for 45 days nonstop. That's how it feels it's probably been about 24 hours, 12 hours tops yeah. I think, I truly do think, that's one of our laundries, like one of our worst.
Speaker 2:Managed Areas yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think you're really good at it, like when Doing it You're really good at. Well, no, you're not good at, you're good at.
Speaker 2:Washing, no, okay, and drying.
Speaker 1:You're good at doing it, you're not good at executing it.
Speaker 2:Not good at finishing it.
Speaker 1:Okay, which is putting it away or starting it. No, bad at activating. Bad at finishing, which is weird, because I feel like generally with most tasks like my problem, I can activate all day long.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're not a continue doing it. I'm not a project finisher.
Speaker 1:I'm a little bit, at a time, ghoul, which works pretty well.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:For the most part. Like I do 30 minutes here, 30 minutes there, sometimes I fall a little behind and I do an hour, hour and a half, you know.
Speaker 2:Laundry's not a good task for that, though, unless you're like on top of it, why not?
Speaker 1:And?
Speaker 2:very regular.
Speaker 1:Okay, Shelby, my sister has never been a better representation of a little bit at a time with laundry.
Speaker 2:But she's doing it every single day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for like 30 minutes. Yes, but that would require doing it every single day, which is not what happens. I thought that was the exact point I was making. Yeah, it is. I'm confused. We're not there yet.
Speaker 2:I feel like you're arguing with me when I am simply expressing a way that I think is more efficient expressing. You're telling me right now we don't do it that way, and I think, that, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:You just want to argue, don't you?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's what this is for it is yeah, this is uh over dueling with the overbees, overdueling, dueling.
Speaker 1:Oh, overdueling.
Speaker 2:Nailed it.
Speaker 1:That's exciting. Perfect, are we going to get swords? Yes, I want to learn to use a broadsword.
Speaker 2:Dear Lord, why a broadsword?
Speaker 1:I don't know, just for funsies.
Speaker 2:Like what.
Speaker 1:Like a full-blown, do you?
Speaker 2:know how heavy they are? Yeah, blown. Do you know how heavy they are? Yeah, I think it'd be really good for my fitness.
Speaker 1:Yep, there's going to be a learning curve? Yeah, how much do they weigh?
Speaker 2:Let's double check this here, but it's heavy.
Speaker 1:Okay, like 20 pounds, 50 pounds. There's no way. It's a hundred pounds. I just don't believe that there's no way.
Speaker 2:There's different types of broadswords. I'm going. I'm going 18 pounds. I just don't believe that there's no way, there's different types of broadswords.
Speaker 1:I'm going. I'm going 18 pounds.
Speaker 2:Okay, wow.
Speaker 1:Was I right. I read a lot of books 18 pounds.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hmm.
Speaker 1:What does it say 15 to 20?
Speaker 2:There's so many different kinds of swords is the problem? No, actually there are only a couple pounds. Okay, unless we're talking about like a here. Here's a whole list of weapons.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's about eight pounds.
Speaker 2:The one you're going for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the biggest one. I mean, that's a big dog.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to learn how to Got it. I love that they are using I have a graphic here that is showing different swords and she picked the longest sword and they use a baby as the comparable weight.
Speaker 1:I think I can do it. I think I can do anything if I take the time to learn. Yeah, matt wants to learn how to do a press. We're all over the place. Hey today we're going to hit emails, so do a press. We're all over the place, hey, today, yeah, we're gonna hit emails, so do we want to hit all of our uh segments first?
Speaker 2:and then email what's the order of events here?
Speaker 1:yeah, let's do that we're starting with greg's reads of the week greg's your dad reads some news.
Speaker 2:he sends us news and then we read the articles on the podcast and talk about how much anxiety the articles give us, not the articles, the titles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if it was the articles, it would be tragic.
Speaker 2:What's really funny is I looked up the weight of a sword and it was like they're not as heavy as people act like they are, and they're well balanced, and I was like, well, this is embarrassing.
Speaker 1:You're going to look like an idiot. All right, all right, all right. Greg's reads of the week we only have two. Whoa, I know Weird. Right, dad, are you okay? I haven't checked in, I'm concerned. Uh okay, article one Gardner warns against common mistake with raised garden beds, you could end up with your soil level dropping.
Speaker 2:Uh, it doesn't give me any anxiety, but uh, it did make me think you were talking about our kid for a second great love to hear that.
Speaker 1:Uh, I I like that article zero out of five. Stress honestly, what I will say is dad, the articles that dad doesn't send to the group message, like that he sends directly to me, tend to be a lot lower stress to me because I usually understand the context perfectly when I know it's going straight to me, you know yeah, there's no conversation there's no wiggle room for me to make some some totally fair less flattering assumptions. All right number two once america's hottest housing market, austin, is running in reverse.
Speaker 2:One out of five.
Speaker 1:Zero out of five again for me. I don't get too worked up about the Austin housing market. No, it was interesting, though, because Dad sent that, because he was talking about how all the houses that are being built in northwest Arkansas and whether Texas builders are going to come up here to start building, in which I informed Dad that they already are. Yeah, if you guys listen to this and you don't know, we don't live that far from Texas.
Speaker 2:No People really A couple hours from the border, like five hours from Dallas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, people on a regular basis had their mind blown, yeah, by that, like absolutely annihilated. When I'm like, yeah, we're not that far from dallas, people are like what? Yeah and I'm like, and we're close to kansas city, and they're like wait a second, how are you close to both those cities? Those cities are not close to each other in their head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, those two cities are only eight hours apart. We're like Kansas City and Dallas are not that far apart. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yep, we're also close to Tulsa and Memphis.
Speaker 2:Yes, yep, that's all true, and Little Rock, obviously.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm trying to think of anywhere else. That's like.
Speaker 2:We're close to most of the cities in Arkansas. People a lot of times are like you're close to Nashville right and I'm like no, actually Nashville's far away.
Speaker 1:Ish, we could drive to Nashville, but it's like what?
Speaker 2:eight hours yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it would be like saying we're close to like Austin, which I'm not gonna say yeah but we're as close to Dallas as a lot of cities in Texas are yeah, no joke. Word of the week word of the week, that was good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that if we just clip that, use it forever except that would require you to stop singing, and I just don't think that's gonna.
Speaker 1:No, it's not I think that we would put in the beat and then after it I'd be like word of the week.
Speaker 2:Oh, so we, word of no, I'm not sure if you're singing it.
Speaker 1:It would just sound like you're doing it twice right, I'm not recommending it's a good idea I'm just saying that's probably what would happen, which is why we have not done it are you familiar with the word kismet? Yes yeah I don't know what it means.
Speaker 2:K-i-s-m-e-t you spelled it correctly, okay, kismet, yeah I've seen it before.
Speaker 1:What does it mean?
Speaker 2:I don't know what it means kismet refers to a power that is believed to control what happens in the future. It's synonymous with fate and destiny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've for sure seen that in books. Yeah, I figured you had, and I think I've Googled it before, but I didn't remember Got it.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:That's a very like. I feel like I should know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a good, good usable.
Speaker 1:What's its?
Speaker 2:Origin.
Speaker 1:Language of origin.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I wasn't prepared for that Okay.
Speaker 1:I would have totally killed the spilling bee if that was my word, the spilling bee. The spilling bee, the spelling bee. Very cool Words aren't coming out of my mouth and I feel like you should just let it happen, but instead you insist on just plunging a dagger right through my heart. Dagger, what is happening? I feel like you are not actually talking to me. Right now it's Turkish.
Speaker 2:I was looking up where it came from.
Speaker 1:Okay, I thought it would be under your definition you were looking at. Sorry.
Speaker 2:No, merriam-webster didn't give it to me. That's really surprising. Yep, don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 1:They've fallen off in this digital age I need everyone listening to know and I think you guys do know this we never record in the morning, no, never and we are today and we are today. We're trying something new and I don't think it is working it's.
Speaker 2:We shouldn't do it the first thing we do when we wake up, that's for sure yeah but that's what we're doing today, because that's what the schedule demands.
Speaker 1:Everything I have said. Matt is ready to fight, I'm not ready to fight. You're ready to mock, make fun of belittle crush like a little ant under your fingertip Not really that's so dramatic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's really dramatic. Apparently really dramatic in the mornings, did you?
Speaker 1:already finish your drink? No, I didn't. Can I have some?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you's really dramatic.
Speaker 1:Apparently really dramatic in the mornings. Did you already finish your drink? No, I didn't. Can I have some? Yeah, you can have some. Okay, pull us up an email, sir.
Speaker 2:Pull us up an email. Emails of the week.
Speaker 1:Emails of the week.
Speaker 2:All right. First one hey, joe and Matt. My name is Janessa and I'm a big fan of the podcast in my late teens, but still enjoy all your conversations about relationships, kids and overall life. Well, hopefully some of this is entertaining to you and sounds like it is, so that's good. A question that I had for both of you is regarding Midwest Nice. I know both of you guys have grown up in different parts of the Midwest and still live in it. I, too, have lived in the Midwest all my life and heard other people from different parts of the country say their thoughts on the topic. I haven't really left the Midwest so I can't quite speak on the topic. I know you guys have visited other places, cities, not in the Midwest. So basically, my question is do you guys think Midwest nice is a thing? Would love to hear your input. Sending love from Iowa.
Speaker 1:I need the definition. What's the definition of Midwest, nice, midwest?
Speaker 2:nice. I think it's like a fake niceness.
Speaker 1:Oh really, yeah, oh really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, midwest nice. Here, visitors and newcomers to the region may experience Midwest nice or Minnesota nice, though that's, I guess, specifically Minnesota as polite, non-confrontational and guarded Residents may be perceived as avoiding challenging topics or giving strong opinions to be seen as open and friendly.
Speaker 1:So, uh, I like Midwest nice. I don't think we're the right people to ask because, since we grew up, in it like that's yeah to me. I think Southern. Oh, so many people listening to me, so mad at me. I think let's attack different regions of the country Well people have this really like concept of Southern hospitality and I think it is the fakest garbage I've ever been around.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it can be very over the top.
Speaker 1:I've spent a lot of time in the South now. I've photographed a lot of weddings in the South and I've met a lot of really kind people too. Don't get me wrong, but every negative interaction I had from a wedding was Southern connected.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It can be very um, I think part of it. It's very presentational.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think a big part of it too is they have extremely rigid rules, regulations and like cultural ideologies of how they think people should behave, and if you didn't grow up, it's kind of like why I don't like to golf.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's the same thing and I don't think golf's necessarily bad. It's that instead of people who know how to golf teaching me kindly, people are assholes every time I go for me not knowing things. That's why I had the worst experience ever when I went to the casino.
Speaker 2:It's like I don't know I didn't grow up hearing anything about gambling or casino.
Speaker 1:I got taken for the first time and you guys were really rude and mean to me. Instead of teaching me anything and treating me like well, obviously you should know this Like what are you trash? Are you talking to me?
Speaker 2:No, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? Am I?
Speaker 2:talking to you. You said you guys, I wasn't sure I was like, was I really mean to you at a casino?
Speaker 1:no, uh, you've never been really mean this way at all.
Speaker 2:I was like I don't know that much about casinos either, so I find it a little surprising that I'd be like idiot no, you can't do that at the table.
Speaker 1:No, I okay. No, no I'm.
Speaker 2:It was cool, just wanted to check, just wanted it felt you not you at all defensive all the time.
Speaker 1:I, I feel I feel the same way about Southern culture, like I don't necessarily think that it's bad, and I think the problem with people in the South when they come up into the Midwest is like in the Midwest they're not rules the same way the rules are be kind to people regardless of what. They're not rules the same way the rules are, yeah, be kind to people regardless of what they're. Like hot it is, it is very like non-confrontational.
Speaker 2:It's very much like your thing is your thing and my thing is my thing, and we'll just be nice and relatively superficial which I think for surface level relationships, which this is, that's what this is talking about. I think that is appropriate yeah, I think it can make building deeper relationships challenging Like it can. It can slow that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I don't necessarily think that's bad.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think that's the end of the world either, but I think a lot of people. If they come from somewhere where people are direct I agree with that or like much more, like in your face or outspoken, it can be really like what is happening.
Speaker 1:But it's not like with what I'm talking about. It's not like the South is. Direct.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, it's very not direct and it's very presentational. It's very much like well, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and you're just going to have to figure out what I'm judging you for Well with the Midwest nice.
Speaker 1:I don't think that you like people aren't fake. They just are mutually agreeing to not go there if it is a surface level relationship.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Which, like that, makes sense to me. Obviously, there are exceptions to this, like if somebody's safety is at risk, if there is some kind of like aggressive situation, like. There are exceptions, but for the most part. Whereas when I entered into Southern culture doing weddings like people were vile, none of my brides all my brides were fantastic. I didn't run into any problems with them, but just culturally, yeah.
Speaker 2:So you can very much have a lot of a lot of unspoken judgment that if you don't fall into what they consider the norm, Well, and that's why I think I have such a bad taste in my mouth with Southern culture.
Speaker 1:But I don't think that Southern culture, I think if you know the rules. It's kind of like if you know all the rules of golf, golf's probably really fun because you're not stressed about doing the wrong thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you understand that.
Speaker 1:One of my closest friends, her mom, when I was in college. So again, my parents are from Iowa and Nebraska. I grew up in Missouri and, uh, I did not growing up say yes, ma'am, no, sir, if anything, if I would have said that growing up, that would have been considered condescending and rude. People do not like that where I grew up. And then when I got to college and I was talking to one of my best friend's mother and I was like yes, and she's like yes, ma'am, where were you raised? And berated me for not saying that and I'll never forget it because I was a grown adult, I was like 20 years old, and I'll never forget it because I was like you're psychotic, like that's absolutely psycho, because that, yes, that is a culture norm. Where she is, I was not entering into her home, she was in my house, like you know, I don't know, and anyway, I think that's one of those things that you have to be able to recognize cultural differences and I feel like Not everybody does.
Speaker 1:I don't think Midwest nice is a culture that you have to learn rules to.
Speaker 2:No, do you know?
Speaker 1:what I mean. That's what I think the difference is. I think when you go to New York, there is culture and rules there that you have to follow. But the thing about every visit I've ever had to New York and my friends that live in New York they prepared me when I got there. They're like these are the rules, this is how you behave, this is you know, and I was like got it. They're not complex. You know what I mean. They're like don't smile at people. It's like got it, I can do that same same in California.
Speaker 2:Are you able to do that? Yes, I'm able to do that. I wasn't sure, uh.
Speaker 1:California has, it's like you know. And same thing like when I visited West. Coast no shut up. I was trying to think of something really simple that I could share.
Speaker 2:No, I was joking about California, like.
Speaker 1:I don't know what California. I don't have anything off the top, but people have like, prepared me. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and I think part of that is with New York and LA culturally, they think that they're really different and individual and like that they are, you know. And so I think people, when you visit, are more likely to be like hey, you won't know this, whereas the South thinks that they are the standard and that that's how everybody should operate across the country.
Speaker 1:And then the Midwest just has this understanding that the country and the world in general is a melting pot and we should be accepting and available. Everybody flies over us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So we just got to make it work for everyone Do you know what I mean, is that?
Speaker 2:but again you're talking to somebody that is biased. Yeah, it is a thing, but it's not a big thing. It's just. As you broaden your horizons, you'll expand. That was the most opinionated I've ever gotten about something that was yeah, you had thoughts, you had real thoughts.
Speaker 1:You didn't give any of your thoughts.
Speaker 2:What are give any of your thoughts? What are your thoughts? Midwest nice for you, okay, yeah, no, uh, yeah, I just it's, it's a superficial thing, it's very, uh, non-confrontational, and that's how we grew up, and so that's, I'm very non-confrontational you think you're non-confrontational because you grew up in the middle of the country I think you could have grown up on an island in the pacific and you would have I don't know, maybe I might have been raised by wolves.
Speaker 2:They would have taught me to be confrontational they'd have to yeah to survive in a pack of wolves.
Speaker 1:You would have had to learn well, that's good to know.
Speaker 2:maybe I should spend some time with some wolves. Next email hi, this question is more for joe. How do you start loving your body when you know you? Next email linebacker shoulders and wide hips, and I'm also pretty tall. I was also wondering if you ever felt hurt if Matt starts losing weight by changing one little thing in diet or lifestyle, where you are changing everything about your routine and end up not losing a pound or end up gaining weight. I understand that this is just the female body, but my boyfriend just changed what he was eating and started eating more clean with me and just started dropping pounds where I'm going to the gym eating right and not snacking as much and I'm not watching the scale move. Sorry, for this email is a little bit everywhere, just kind of a brain dump of questions.
Speaker 1:I think you're going to have more. Uh, you're going to have it's not a question for Joe, it's a question for Matt. Really, I know that she doesn't know that, as I'm listening, I'm hearing a lot more concerns and things that you have versus me. So the reason I interjected and said that it's not men versus women. I lose weight a lot easier than you do and I see results a lot faster than you do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Typically, Like I would say, and I realized that there is this like generalized thing where that but I don't sure there's a lot more fluctuation in women's bodies. Just like email. There was a statement from it. I want to repeat go ahead and what you were saying, though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's just a lot more fluctuation in women's bodies too, though, like men's hormones, and things do not cycle and change our weights quite the same way. Yeah, not in like nearly a short of a turn.
Speaker 1:A statement that you made at the very beginning struck me. You said how do you start loving your body when you know you won't be able to look like everyone else? And the question I would pose to you is what does everyone else look like? Because no one looks like everybody else. Everybody is different, and I think this is something that I have really realized in getting around bigger groups of people and interacting with loads and loads of women over the years, and especially photographing weddings and seeing so many different body types and this, and that If you're only surrounded by extremely thin, fit women, surround yourself with more friends.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with extremely fit women. I have a lot of really close friends who are very thin and very hot and very you know all of those things. But I'm also around a lot of women who fitness is not their number one, who are curvy and also really hot fitness is not their number one who are curvy and also really hot, and I think that that is all defined by how you talk about it and the people you surround yourself, how they talk about it. I am not a I'm still a straight size, on the thin end of things girl, but I am not a skinny girl or small or a small girl, but I am not a skinny girl or a small girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah I, I'm a I don't know like a size 10, 12 girl, Like I am on the upper end of straight sizes, You're an XL gal, I'm an XL gal, um, and I'm I'm curvy and a lot of people online don't necessarily notice that just because Matt is not a small guy. No, and I actually have a lot of people online don't necessarily notice that just because Matt is not a small guy and I actually have a lot of a lot of my friends are tall.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Not all of them, and I'm going to be with one of my friends next week who is very small and petite, so there will be pictures and you guys will be able to really get a scale measurement for uh you know, how different in size, but I'm thinking of that friend in particular and how, even though she is very small and we are shaped very differently, how much she celebrates my body and how much I've celebrated hers, and vice versa, with all of my friends. Your love for your body should be about what it does for you. And also, don't watch the scale. If you're working out and eating well, don't watch the scale. Start doing measurements instead. If you're really trying to make a health change and you want to track your progress for motivation, stop stepping on a scale. Get yourself a tape. It's not a tape measure. What is it?
Speaker 2:Measuring tape Like a. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway.
Speaker 2:It's yeah for clothes like a tailor's tape kind of deal.
Speaker 1:And measure yourself. The trainer that I work with talks about this a lot that a lot of her clients will be three months into working with her and so disappointed they haven't lost any weight on the scale. But she takes measurements and they will have lost three inches in their waist and an inch on their thighs and, like the, the weight on a scale is so inaccurate in defining any kind of progress in our health. So inaccurate in defining any kind of progress in our health and so ask that from you Take pictures instead. Like I can't recommend taking pictures enough, yeah, because your body will shift and change.
Speaker 1:And the other thing is like when I'm feeling bad about my body, like I've been having kind of a week this week where I've looked at myself in the mirror and I'm like man. I look like I'd really I've been working out a lot since not a lot, but consistently since October and I've seen some positive changes just in my strength and my tone and my body. And I looked in the mirror this week I'm going on a big trip next week where I'm going to be in a swimsuit and I was like man. I was really hoping that I would feel better and I don't feel like I feel fine, but just kind of neutral looking in the mirror and but I'm know that I'm about to start my cycle. I know that that impacts my weight and like the way that my body appears, like I don't know. It's just so much more complex and if you allow yourself to be defined by it, like you allow something that is so unimportant, control you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, definitely to add to that. Weight is not a good way to measure progress, which is what you already said, especially for women, because they have a naturally, like you carry 10 to 15% more body weight, even at like the same fitness level as as men do. So of course, if men change 2% of their body fat, that can be a 10, 20% swing. As opposed to that that's not the same for women, and so that especially can you speak on specifically what it's like to like both be like?
Speaker 1:I think back to when we did I did keto with you and like how quickly I saw progress and how small I got. Like how did that make you feel?
Speaker 2:That's. It's funny and that's probably more. Um, I don't. I don't know that it bothered like I would be more frustrated with myself, but I don't know that it was comparative.
Speaker 1:That's how I feel.
Speaker 2:Very much. For me it's like okay, well, this is, and I think for you it's going to be understanding hey, this is my body type and if there's people that you want to look like, you're going to have to find people that have similar body types to you and be very realistic about it.
Speaker 1:That is honestly such great advice Like truly that is great advice. Because advice Like truly, that is great advice? Because when I I started doing that a long time ago, I have always been very self-aware of what my shape is, and I follow people online who are shaped similarly to me to help me with style and clothing and also to get a realistic look at what my body can look like at different fitness levels.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so understand, yeah, that that's going to be important for you, and it may not be the people that you think look the best, especially if you have a negative relationship with your own body shape, but you're going to need to find people that truly are built similarly to you to understand what you're going to look like at different fitness levels, because you're not going to change your bone structure, you're not going to change some of the like, the ways you're wired.
Speaker 1:So there's also nothing wrong with being soft. No, I go back to that over and over again with like, even with myself, like because I grew up an athlete. I grew up very low body fat percentage, but I also was working out four and a half hours a day and, uh, I was eating well and I was absolutely shredded. I remind myself often I am not an elite athlete, I don't need to look like an elite athlete, like I don't want to look like an elite athlete. You don't want to. Don't want to look like an elite athlete.
Speaker 2:You don't want to work out. Four and a half hours a day, that's more, I mean yeah, that's more. I mean, I think elite athletes look great If you could look like an elite athlete working out 20 minutes a day. Yeah, that would be awesome, but that's not a realistic expectation.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't even know if I'd want that though because that's why think so, because I think it would be an unrealistic representation of like who I am.
Speaker 2:Sure For sure.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I just, I find that really interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so again, and a lot of it is going to be focusing on how you feel, and so if you're consistently working out and making gains in your fitness, in terms of your capacity and your strength, and like how you feel on a day to day basis, that can be a much better thing to track in terms of how you're, how you're doing.
Speaker 1:I'd finish on the note that I think it's incredible that you are taking the time to consider your fitness and really think about these things and create new habits. But creating a healthy lifestyle and working on our fitness is not about curating the way our body looks, and so if you can hone in on the small habits and on feeling better more than anything, you'll probably, I think, find a lot more success and a lot more peace with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, we have somebody with some book questions. I know that Joe's a big fiction reader and has recently become my favorite hobby too. My questions for you guys are Joe, have you read the ACOTAR series yet? If you have, who's your favorite character and why?
Speaker 1:I have oh gosh Nesta.
Speaker 2:Who's your favorite fourth wing character and why?
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't remember the character's names. Shoot, Violet's the main one and she annoyed me Liam.
Speaker 2:Okay, matt, if you were to get into reading, what genre would you get into? I mean, there's historical fiction, dark romance, fantasy, sci-fi.
Speaker 1:The idea of you reading a dark romance book is the funniest thing Matt could never. No, that would freak you out Like not scare you, like it would, I'd just be like why. Yes, yeah, that would make you very uncomfortable, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably it would. And what video games are you into? Because book release and video game guys go hand in hand. Love you guys and love the pod. I want to know what genre you'd read. Oh man of you guys and love the pod. I want to know what genre you'd read, oh man, I uh. The last thing I did read was, uh, I would read like stephen king, I'd read thrillers. Um, that was much more my genre, either thrillers or a little bit more real world based he's not a fantasy girly.
Speaker 2:I mean I read like the Dark Tower series, which is like a very long.
Speaker 1:It's a fantasy series for sure. Yeah, I know, you told me I should read that.
Speaker 2:It's good, I really enjoyed it. That's probably the last series I read, and that was, who knows, 15 years ago now.
Speaker 1:I finished last night A Fate Inked in Blood, okay, and I thought it was very good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was very impressed. I hope that when the second one comes eventually, that it is equally interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I would tend to read just something grittier Thriller, yeah, just something grittier Thriller, yeah, thriller based, or, uh, if it's fantasy, very more real world uh based type, not high fantasy, I guess.
Speaker 1:I don't understand how those are connected.
Speaker 2:What, how? What are connected?
Speaker 1:What do you mean? Real world? Not real world, but like um grounded, grounded, more grounded fantasy like in reality, yes, like a supernatural yeah, something like it takes place in our world, but it has fiction elements, got it got it heightened elements or a different time period got it as opposed to like high high fantasy With a completely different world. I'm with you. You don't think you'd be into Dune, I could do that. More sci-fi, more sci-fi I can do.
Speaker 2:For sure, I think you could do any of it.
Speaker 1:I don't like the way you're phrasing things.
Speaker 2:Preference what my natural preference would be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, would be more sci-fi. Based on my reading habits of 15 years ago. Yeah, I, I like sci-fi. I, I read a lot of fantasy. I really do. I really really do. Um, I think part of that is no one can be like, well, that wasn't realistic, and I'm like, well, duh yeah, you know, that's the point, got it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, as for video games, uh, mainly play fifa. That's been my. It's one that I can pick up and put down. I can play it for three hours if I have the time and the space, but I can also play for 25 minutes and play a game or two. You've been doing fifa for a long time. Yeah, I played it for a long time and my uh, my ps5 got fried and so you can still play fifa, the new one on the ps4, which I had had in the I'd like to publicly state you can buy a new PS5 at any time, Nobody's stopping you.
Speaker 2:I'm just uh, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's just every single time people are like Joe. Why aren't you letting?
Speaker 2:him get a new PlayStation.
Speaker 1:You'd be mad if I bought you a PlayStation. I feel like.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't be mad, but I also don't need it.
Speaker 1:I want everybody to understand when I say Matt would be mad, that almost every time I have gotten Matt a tech gift he's been really appreciative, that I thought of him while also simultaneously very disappointed in what I purchased him. Okay, it's true. It's true, it's okay. It happened with the AirPods. It's not just the AirPods.
Speaker 2:What else there?
Speaker 1:have been other things.
Speaker 2:You did good with the iPod that I broke in three days. You did good with my iPad that I used for years.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you. Those were both what One happened in 2011. One happened in 2014.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you did a great job. Thank you, you did good. It was just headphones. I'm very particular with headphones. It's fine.
Speaker 1:Well, anyway, now I'm very nervous to buy him.
Speaker 2:She's gun shy on the technology front.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I just don't really like getting you gifts, because I always get really excited and you don't.
Speaker 2:One, I'm an underreactor, which doesn't make people feel good about gifts, and two, I can be very particular about especially tech gifts. So, it's not a good combination for somebody looking for affirmation through their gift giving.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm not good at gift giving, like it's not something I've ever I don't know, or I'm around a lot of underwhelming gift openers, but I think I'm probably just not very good at it.
Speaker 2:I think both, I think both.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it makes me very self-conscious.
Speaker 2:You're surrounded by a lot of very particular people on a very particular end of the spectrum.
Speaker 1:Which is, you know, the thing I've thought about a lot recently in my adult life because I've said a lot in the last couple of years well, I'm not a very good gift giver and I've thought to myself often I don't remember any gifts. Any of those people that have been like family members, that have been critical of me not being good at gifts, yeah, I don't remember anything. They've ever gotten me and so if they're so good at it, like why is nothing? You know what I mean? Sure, but I think I just don't. I'm really appreciative of the thought.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You're happy if just to be thought of.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It could be anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It could just be like a bag of buttons that made this like thinking of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're like I have no use for these, but thank you for thinking about me.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's better than like a gift you felt like you had to get because of.
Speaker 2:XYZ Sure, sure. Because, they kept asking for a playstation on the broadcast channels.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which I'm not doing. I'm gonna order him a playstation now, no, don't do that, it's okay I, you like to get stuff like the.
Speaker 1:I think part of it too is you've not always criticized, like the gift that I've gotten you, but you'll get upset with me that I bought it full price or like like. You'll be like how much did you pay for this? I'll tell you, but oh, I could have gotten it for 3% less. Why'd you do that? Like you know, it's just I'm like oh, okay, well, I'll just never do anything again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So if you're like me, stop doing that. It makes people feel bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm also, that's something I'm really like on top of that. I, I'm also, that's something I'm really like on top of that. I'm very sensitive in that department, like I'm not sensitive in many departments, but that is one that I am, yes, cause it's out of my comfort zone. I'm like, look, I did this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You really don't like I mean most people don't like putting themselves out there and then being shot down Like that's not like a wow, you're so sensitive, I can't believe you don't like getting put down when you put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable yeah loser sounds like yeah if other people say that they're okay with that, it's because they're not being vulnerable okay, that's the whole idea.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, I don't like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1:It's okay, I'll get my own playstation, I promise, if matt wanted a playstation it would be here by like thursday yeah yeah, anyway, next one probably only have one or two more left in us for time.
Speaker 2:I appreciate your podcast so much. I'm a teacher and I have a very long commute 55 miles one way, wow. Okay, I hope you get to drive fast and you guys help me stay awake on my way to school. I'm writing in for some opinions. I've had some friendship problems for several months now and I'm looking for an outside perspective.
Speaker 2:I met my three best friends 10 years ago when we were freshmen in college. After graduation they all took turns moving around different states, so my now husband and I stayed put. We kept a strong long distance friendship. We called, often scheduled visits and were all bridesmaids at my wedding a couple of years ago. We were going pretty strong until they all found themselves in the same state last year. I felt a little on the outside, but I thought that if I truly needed them, they'd be there for me no matter what. Well, I seem to have been mistaken. Last year I suffered loss after loss. My grandma died, then my cousin died, then my other grandma died and then I had a miscarriage. I was, and still am, devastated. I reached out to my friends when my pregnancy loss started Two of the three totally ghosted me. They responded to the initial message and then they left me on read and haven't reached out since I have only heard from.
Speaker 1:That's not ghosting, just to clarify.
Speaker 2:It's not much better, but no, it's not.
Speaker 1:It's not good Technically not.
Speaker 2:I guess you're right. I've only heard from one of them since the day of my loss in November. I'm baffled and I'm hurt. I would have never done this to them with all the pain of the last year. I understand that my grief is a lot, but I also didn't expect to be abandoned Ultimately. I've been really conflicted. Should I reach out to the two who ghosted me to say they've hurt my feelings and allow myself the mental closure, or should I just try my best to move on quietly After a decade of friendship?
Speaker 1:I know that I'm sounding like a hot take saying not ghosting, but it's not ghosting if they replied to you.
Speaker 1:It's different if they leave you on like sure straight up and I think part of it is I'm defensive because I am the friend that friends get left on read a lot because, like, and I think your friends may suck, that could totally be the case. I'm not saying they don't, but if you live in a I don't know, I think I have a tendency to always worry that I am the friend that is leaving a friend like you not feeling supported. And that may not be the case at all, but I have a tendency to be like they live in a different state. Everybody has different things going on in their lives that you don't know about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I would want more details because I have a friend who I've been friends with since my childhood, that I parted ways kind of with without knowing a couple years ago and it got back to me through mutual friends that she just felt like I wasn't like doing my part in being there for her and she's lived all over since we graduated and I visited, I'd done all kinds of things and it hurt my feelings a ton.
Speaker 1:Um, and I think that hit me so hard because I think that she probably was experiencing a lot of things that were really hard. Um, not, I think I like I know she was, because that's what has been made it back to me and what's been expressed to me, but so was I, um, and that doesn't diminish the things she was going through, but she also, like didn't really reach out to me. Like we were both going through really hard times individually and to me, like that's something that, even though neither of us were available to support one another, um, it makes me really sad that there was no effort to like come back together and then I I did make an effort and it just didn't work out that way.
Speaker 2:And I know you tried. You tried to do some things, but clearly it wasn't enough in that person's eyes.
Speaker 1:For now. And the thing for me is I don't want to hold ill will toward her because again she's going through something hard and so for me I leave that door open and I haven't continued to reach out and I've moved forward. But for me that door is always open because it was a great relationship for a really long time and us going through something difficult simultaneously and it just not being a season for us to be there for one another, like. I am a big believer that you're supposed to have many relationships that go across, like many different groups of people, because not everybody can be everything for you at every moment, um, and while you are stating that you have these three friends like and, but they all live in the same state and they all you know are together and you being separate, like that, that is isolating and that is hard, um, but again, all of that is obviously coming from the perspective of me putting myself in their shoes, putting myself in your shoes.
Speaker 1:I have a tendency to be the person that reaches out a lot. I don't tend to have somebody stop replying and then just never say anything again. I will just call again or text again and if people ignore me again and again. That, I think, defines them. But leaving me on read even a handful of times doesn't hurt my feelings really, unless it's consistent enough that it's a pattern. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It sounds like this isn't an extended. So a couple of things. One, a call. A call could be good because I'm not going to lie to you. There's been many times people have texted me. I've typed a response and not sent it, not saying that's what's happening here. This is probably people that have other things on their plate and just aren't dealing with your situation. But if it's one text that hasn't been responded to and I understand it's been a long time so there's been a lot of opportunity. But the hard thing to remember is that other people's problems are present for them and your problems are present for you, but your problems aren't present for them in a persistent way, and especially being 10 years out of college or 10 years out of your freshman year, so a handful of years out of college everybody has got their own things going on and they're dealing with the immediate problems in their life and so, um, it's pretty normal for people not to be thinking about anyone else, and I also was going to note about miscarriage and loss.
Speaker 1:People don't know how to handle it. They don't know whether to check in on you, and I'm not justifying that, I'm not saying that's how it should be. I'm just making a realistic statement of that's. Something I have realized is people just don't know how to proceed.
Speaker 2:As people that know different, people that have dealt with those situations, people want it handled different ways. Majorly Some people want it moved past completely. Some people really want to go through it and hash it out anything in between, and so that can be one. Especially, that is difficult to judge without uh understanding exactly what's looking. What's what's looked for there, um, but yeah, I mean, I, I think you, uh, one way to do it would be to reach out and check how they are and say, hey, I think that's very much bigger person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that can be difficult. Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 1:It sucks to have to do that, but check in and make sure that they're okay, even if you're not okay and it can be a hey and if they get on the phone and tell you how great their life has been the last four months and don't ask how you are, that's a sign.
Speaker 2:You're confirming what you kind of already knew. And if they tell you, wow, it's been like An absolute whirlwind, yeah, work's been terrible and relationships and all kinds of things, like hopefully that can help build a little bit of empathy in you and say, hey, okay, they've got a lot going on too. Hopefully that can help build a little bit of empathy in you and say, hey, okay, they've got a lot going on too.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's not as big globally a problem as yours, and I'd like to repeat again at the end of this answer I am not saying how anybody is treating you is okay. Nope, that's not what I'm saying. Ideally, people don't leave you unread. Ideally, people are reaching out and checking on you and, ideally, like, yes, those are how relationships should work and I 100% agree with those. And I don't think it's bad for you to note these as like, oh, red flag. That didn't make me feel good. And I don't think it's bad to communicate. Hey, like, I understand that you've been probably going through your own things in the last couple of months, but this really hurt me and I would have liked if you would have reached out to me Like, I don't think that's wrong, I think that you're right, on the right track. I just think that sometimes we have to really consider and look through things at a very empathetic lens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it would be nice if our friends and our family were perfect, but most of them are not. Some of them are very not, especially in the family category. You're just kind of dealt with what you're dealt and they can suck, but assuming you don't want to cut them out, it can be good to reach back out and it's also good to take some time on it and be like, hey, this is not a relationship for me right now. I don't have the capacity to not be reinvested in.
Speaker 1:Well, and it also ebbs and flows in seasons, in my opinion, very much Like relationships, especially from college. Like I have gone long periods of time not talking to my friends from college just because we've all been in different states, we've all been busy, we've all been doing X Y Z, but one of my best friends from college is staying with us right now, and so it just always ebbs and flows. And realizing that it's going to do that and looking for relationships within your own community that you can interact with on a more regular basis, I think are really important too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because everything about your life changes from then. You have everything in common at that point in your life and it only diverges from there.
Speaker 1:I have literally nothing in common. Well, that's not true, but almost nothing in common with my friends from college.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're doing the same thing on the same schedule in the same location and you go from that to doing different things with different interests, with different people in different parts of the country and the world, and then developing further down the road apart from each other, and so sometimes the people just aren't the right people long term.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that doesn't mean you can't have relationships with them long term.
Speaker 2:No, but they may not be your best friends forever.
Speaker 1:They may not be the people that you confide in for these difficult things. Yeah, they might be the people that you connect with for a really fun weekend every couple years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you've definitely seen that there's definitely people that For sure you know from high school and college where it was very much this idea that you guys were going to depend on each other and that you were going to be like Well, and I think of I'm gonna call out bren who's I've known her since I was a toddler and, um, we have gone through seasons from the time we were kids where we are, I don't know.
Speaker 1:We haven't been mad at each other probably since like high school, but there were seasons where we were like frenemies, very like teenage that kind of stuff, and then going into college we talked some and then the first four or five years of our adult life we only talked to each other if we were at like family functions or if we were home for the holidays and people from high school got together and but nothing bad ever happened, like we just were living different.
Speaker 1:She was living in other countries, like she was doing different things, and then a couple of ago we started texting back and forth about something and I don't think a week has gone by since that we haven't talked to one another. We talk really regularly and she's somebody I lean on and have become really close with again, even though she's not living in the same state as me, and if I would have let let go of her friendship because I felt like she didn't show up for me the way that I wanted her to in years when she was doing other things for herself, we wouldn't have what we have now, and what a what a miss that would be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it can take years and years, and years to be on the same page as people, um, and that goes both ways. Well, hopefully that made you feel better, or seen at the very least, yeah, and if not, sorry. We tried our best. We really did.
Speaker 1:Okay, we'll do more emails, probably next week, because we still have more to catch up on. Yeah.
Speaker 2:We have all kinds of them.
Speaker 1:And send more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, send everything you got, or?
Speaker 1:leave a voicemail.
Speaker 2:Love, send everything you got or leave a voicemail, love voicemails.
Speaker 1:You can subscribe and do all the things you do with podcasts, and we love y'all. We hope you have a really great week. Bye-bye, bye.