Oversharing with the Overbys
Welcome to Oversharing with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overshare online.
Oversharing with the Overbys
Daylight Savings Strikes Again
Matt starts today's episode out with a bang, narrowly dodged injuring himself and all of the podcast equipment just after pressing record! We then peel back the layers of parenting, from the lessons we learn in the middle of yet another sleep-deprived night - to the unexpected wisdom that spills from the mouths of babes. And if that's not enough, we'll reveal how daylight savings threw a monkey wrench into our best laid plans and family routines.
Ever wondered what's behind the walls of those stunning home makeovers on TV? Join us as we buzz about "Rock the Block" and dive into our own tales of renovation. Discover why a 32-inch door can be a game-changer and reminisce on the luxury of double doors. We'll explore the craftsmanship that often goes unnoticed, celebrating the unsung heroes and what really turns houses into homes. But it's not all hammers and nails—we get real about the mental load of managing a home, the guilt of work travel, and the societal pressures on parents. Our personal stories aim to resonate and reassure that you're not alone in the struggle for an equitable partnership at home.
Wrap up your day with us as we engage with listener feedback, from anxiety-reducing articles to quirky birthday traditions. We debate the merits of spicing up our segments with some WWE flair (thanks, Hannah!), and acknowledge the silent superhero of the show. So, if you're up for a potpourri of emotions and a hefty dose of laughter, our candid conversations are sure to be a welcome addition to your podcast queue. Remember, it's the little things in life—and in our episode—that stitch everything together.
If you've got a voicemail or want our (likely unqualified) advice on something, hit us up at the Speakpipe link below!
http://www.speakpipe.com/oversharingwiththeoverbys
If you'd like to email us you can reach the pod at oversharing@jojohnsonoverby.com!
And if you want to support the podcast and gain access to all episodes, check out https://www.patreon.com/oversharing!
CONNECT:
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Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/
Watch the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL29Si0ylWz2qj5t6hYHSCxYkvZCDGejGq
Welcome to Oversharing with Overvies.
Speaker 2:I'm Joe and I'm Matt.
Speaker 1:And each week you can tune in to hear us respond to your voicemails, go in depth on our lives as content creators and hopefully leave you feeling even better than we found you.
Speaker 2:With that being said, let's get to oversharing. Well, I almost fell off my chair to begin the podcast today, so it's a good start.
Speaker 1:It was very entertaining, yeah, and then we were recording, we had the fall on video and on audio and that's how we were going to start things off. And then Matt got up because the dog was being a little wild and in his just exuberance to take care of the dog situation tripped over. All the equipment unplugged, the camera unplugged, the computer unplugged the monitor, unplugged the light and everything shut down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's unplugged the whole recording setup because it's on a power strip today Unplugged, so it was awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so now you guys don't get to see any of that, which is probably good. Matt had some colorful things to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not my day. It's not my day.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:I'm very tired. There's something about the day before we record that I think our child chooses to keep me awake.
Speaker 1:It really does seem like it's consistently Monday nights.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so we record the next day and I think every week, I just come in and tell you how tired I am, which is, I'm sure, not getting old at all.
Speaker 1:But yeah, well, and the funny thing is, we also talk about what good sleepers our kids are, and I really genuinely believe that they really are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and tell they're not. But isn't that kind of toddlerhood? Yeah, I was saying that to a friend this morning talking about how people talk about how toddlers are so hard, and I feel like people have a hard time understanding what is meant by that, because I don't think the toddler themselves is that difficult. It's the way that it wears on you over time because it takes them a long time to figure out how to manage things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You're teaching a lesson a thousand times, not once, right, and I think that twice or five times.
Speaker 1:But I feel like if you're patient and you continually teach that lesson all the time, all of those times that over time, then you get a really like consistent level headed person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, for sure.
Speaker 1:And, but it definitely is redundant and it can be very tiring.
Speaker 2:They're just amplified, little people. Like they're little people with really no breaks, so they're all gas and they're pure expressions of what's going on inside.
Speaker 1:It's honestly a really good example of, I think, how we should all be living a little more.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we could. All I mean I mean learning to regulate, good yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't get me wrong, but the honesty, oh yeah, and the like, no fear of just expressing exactly what you're thinking and feeling, so everybody knows exactly where you are. You know what I mean, because there are definitely times I feel inside how she's expressing outside.
Speaker 2:I felt that way when I fell over the cord. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you, I think, expressed it similarly to a toddler in that moment so maybe it is working for you I don't know, I don't know, I think.
Speaker 2:I think our toddler might have chased after the dog and I didn't do that.
Speaker 1:You're right.
Speaker 2:So baby steps, toddler steps.
Speaker 1:Oh, OK. Well, what's on your mind this week? Do you have anything to update everybody on?
Speaker 2:No, I feel like I, you know, I look like I feel today on the podcast, which is good.
Speaker 3:Like a show of human being.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you play how you look? No, no, nothing, nothing specific. We had a good week. We had a busy week, so I mean you'd had your, you went and spoke at a conference, so that was cool, and I hung out with the kids for, you know, day and a half, which was also good, but she was really toddlering this weekend. She was good, but she had a lot of feelings and so the the moments were strong, but everything was good.
Speaker 1:Generally nothing catastrophic.
Speaker 2:I agree so, and the funny thing is, we've been sleeping great. We've gotten on this new sleep initiative. We've been sleeping like eight plus hours, which is unheard of in this household.
Speaker 1:Yep, but daylight savings, I feel like, has really rocked me specifically. I wasn't ready.
Speaker 2:It wasn't. This was maybe the worst time daylight savings, since I don't, I think, every year when we have kids, though it's been.
Speaker 1:Got progressively worse Bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I remember. I feel like I remember it with G because she was seven months, eight months, somewhere in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, nine months yeah.
Speaker 2:Which was like a little bit of a sleep leap, I think, anyway, yeah. And then we'd lost an hour and schedule got real wonky for a couple weeks, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then last year new baby, and that was.
Speaker 1:I don't remember that one as much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I don't think we remember anything from that period of time Like that would have been in peak.
Speaker 1:That's what I mean. I don't think it impacted us the same way last year, because we already weren't sleeping.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1:And fallback's always good because it gets us on a real healthy schedule.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I'm working at it because I on Sunday woke up late.
Speaker 2:We all did.
Speaker 1:Everybody did Yep. And then on Monday I woke up late, but this morning I woke up at a more. It was still late, but a more it was like.
Speaker 2:Tastes really late.
Speaker 1:It was within 30 minutes of my normal time, so I'm hoping tomorrow.
Speaker 2:You're incrementally. Yes, I'm going to get to bed earlier.
Speaker 1:And I'm going to yeah. Well, I think, if anything.
Speaker 2:Getting three to four hours of sleep last night. That's going to make early bedtime super doable tonight.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think we're going to be gunning for bedtime hopefully for everybody, but mainly me. I might take our toddler's bed if she decides she's not sleeping tonight.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, between you two, you should be able to fill out this bed without killing each other maybe more of a struggle with three people, because she is a, she's a true starfish.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she gets that from her mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, she sleeps like her mom I. It's two starfish and then me, who sleeps like a rail.
Speaker 1:Where do you think? Do you think that's because I grew up sleeping in a full size bed?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I grew up sleeping in a twin, on the edge of a twin. I used half of a twin.
Speaker 1:That's why I asked, though, because if you're only using Like a small section of your twin, that doesn't have any thing to do with you sleeping in a twin. That's just like who you are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I guess my body was just trained to stay in one position.
Speaker 1:I went from a crib to a full size bed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not me.
Speaker 1:Like from a crib to a double. I don't think so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was in a twin until my junior or senior year of high school.
Speaker 1:When I met you, you had a queen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think it was recent. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I didn't ask. That wasn't something that I was like thinking about, that's not a normal question.
Speaker 2:I do remember.
Speaker 1:Let's tell the story. I remember seeing your bedroom for the first time when we started dating, yeah, and Matt's house was like freaking cool, or at least I thought it was really cool. What about it? Because you and your dad had finished your own basement. Yeah, and your bedroom was in the basement and instead of closet doors, he had these wild paper things.
Speaker 2:Like sliding, sliding, sliding panels. Like they were sliding panel doors Like Japanese looking doors yeah.
Speaker 1:They were super cool. So he had that over his closet the one closet. You had two closets, yeah. Then on the other side of the room he had a walk through closet that you would walk through into the bathroom area and they had this like really cool, modern, like double vanity.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then the like toilet and shower had their own separate room off of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:It was cool, like I, like. I still remember it to this day, being like oh, he's like, this is fancy.
Speaker 2:It's not fancy. We finished it ourselves, we learned a lot of skills in that basement Framing walls and hanging drywall and all that jazz wiring.
Speaker 1:As somebody whose bathroom has been the same since 1993.
Speaker 2:I mean, you do have the shortest toilet in the world.
Speaker 1:It is a built in squatty potty. It's a it's a shin high potty. You don't. You don't need a squatty potty when you're going in the bathroom I grew up in, because your knees are at your chin.
Speaker 2:It's perfect, Like if you're a potty training at toddler per se. I feel like she could get onto that toilet. You just have to get a smaller toilet seat.
Speaker 1:No, it's literally the teeniest, tiniest potty you've ever seen. And on top of that, the countertops only go like just shy of my knees and I don't like I'm so much taller Like I have to lean over to wash my hands in that bathroom.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, if you pee standing up at that toilet, it kind of feels like you're going to pee on your feet.
Speaker 1:Like and I asked my, I asked my dad, I was like is this special to you? Like for me being a child, because you knew this was a child bathroom? He's like no, that was standard.
Speaker 2:Like it is standard Well there's there's like a varying standard. I think it was what.
Speaker 1:I think it was. It was dirt cheap standard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that somebody saved on three inches of cabinet height.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I think everything in there was just economically motivated. Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no. Um. Yeah, because there when they say standard height for like countertops and that kind of thing that varies, Like you can kind of pick your standard.
Speaker 1:I thought it was 32 inches.
Speaker 2:Is it 32?
Speaker 1:And then a kitchen counter. That was like 32.
Speaker 2:Okay, I thought it was like 32 to 36. Like some like.
Speaker 1:I think 32 is a standard bathroom. Okay 36 is a standard kitchen.
Speaker 2:Okay, maybe so, but then also, people just build kind of whatever in that range.
Speaker 1:Well, build custom, but Got it. That's like the. I don't know like, if you're going to buy prebuilt boxes, that's what they're going to be.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Like you don't buy kitchen boxes for a bathroom. Like, if a bathroom has a countertop that feels too high, it's probably because somebody DIYed it and they bought kitchen boxes for a bathroom.
Speaker 2:Yeah well, they're tall like us.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying they can't intentionally make that choice.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying that those were probably kitchen built boxes that they've chosen to use in a bathroom.
Speaker 2:And so in your bathroom it was children boxes. What I have, no, that's what I don't know. I don't need it.
Speaker 1:I know that people used to be a lot smaller, and so they used to build things smaller.
Speaker 2:Back in the nineties, everybody was tiny.
Speaker 1:Well, no no, no, but I'm envisioning like to save money. They got like stuff from a warehouse from the 70.
Speaker 3:No, it was all brand new.
Speaker 2:I was going to say you was built.
Speaker 1:My parents are going to listen to this.
Speaker 2:They're going to be so annoyed by this whole bit.
Speaker 1:Because my parents built the house. They still live in the house that. I grew up in, so my parents built it.
Speaker 2:Somebody probably custom made that cabinet.
Speaker 1:No, definitely not, definitely not. Uh, because it was the same. The cabinets in my bathroom were the same as the cabinets in the original kitchen.
Speaker 2:No, god, they were. The original kitchen was.
Speaker 1:For ants, not the height.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was like like the wood and color stain that would feel insane.
Speaker 1:I have no idea about the height but, like all the bathrooms growing up, like my parents bathroom, my bathroom my parents are going to have to correct me if I'm wrong. This is how I remember it. That doesn't mean it's true because they renovated their bathroom and the kitchen. And so it's been obviously a minute.
Speaker 2:What do you think? Your bathroom cabinet height is 26 inches.
Speaker 1:It's not that low it feels like that they're 30 inches. That's, yeah, it's two inches different. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like a that it feels like a mile. Well, it feels like it's a foot lower hour, we did 36.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we do, I mean we are not standard, but yeah, they're 30 inches. We measured them last time we were home because we had this exact conversation, so I got out of measuring tape and measured it. Yeah, they're 30 inches tall.
Speaker 2:I'm sure this isn't even the first time we've talked about on the podcast.
Speaker 1:We've definitely talked about it. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:It guys, it just it. The more you live in places, the more you see weird stuff.
Speaker 1:I don't know about that, because I think that a lot of people don't pay attention to stuff like this.
Speaker 2:Well, if we've learned anything from Rock the Block, some people pay attention and some people do.
Speaker 1:OK, so Matt and I have decided that we are secretly real estate experts.
Speaker 2:We are amazing at it, amazing at it Really. There's just like a team or two that we really align with, and then there's some teams that we're like, disagree, strong disagree.
Speaker 1:And the team that we're in line with always wins, so we think we're brilliant, which is probably everyone that watches Rock the Block, you know anyway that watches HGTV.
Speaker 2:I'm sure it's intentionally like produced, to be like it's working, make the viewer feel smart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and let me tell you it's working. So we keep coming back to watch. So Matt and I started watching Rock the Block on HGTV when it came out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I don't know they're in like their fifth season. I don't know, Was it 2019, 2020 when they did the first?
Speaker 3:launch.
Speaker 1:And we've watched it every single year since and we love I think it's HGTV's like number one show. So everybody listening it's probably like yeah, but if you don't know what Rock the Block is, HGTV buys four homes on a block that are all identical yeah. And then they bring hosts from all their different TV shows, like four different pairings, and they face off in renovating or finishing these homes. Normally they're like builder grade homes. In the past they've done them where they're already like partially built out. This year they're not built out at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they've. They've done homes that are built but very basic finishes I mean pretty much bare, and then this year it's just like Not even the walls are built in for a lot of areas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we love Rock the Block, but we didn't know it would come back, so we got to watch two episodes last night, we did, we did and the first episode was two hours. Granted we fast forwarded through commercials.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it does make us feel like we're really smart. So whoever's editing that, you're doing a really good job.
Speaker 2:Great work.
Speaker 1:And in fact, is making us feel brilliant, and we do in fact, appreciate that very much.
Speaker 2:We need it. We need it.
Speaker 1:And I always look around my house and I'm like oh, I could have made different decisions.
Speaker 2:Does that add value?
Speaker 1:No the thing. When we did our house, we didn't make any choices based on the value of the home.
Speaker 2:No, we made a lot of choices actually with the knowledge that they weren't value ads. Yeah, that we were function ads that they were for us.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to note, while we're talking about houses, just because this is what I'm thinking about, anybody that is renovating building anything like that and you are picking out doors, go ahead and put at least a 32 inch door in. Yeah, everywhere.
Speaker 2:It's going to cost basically nothing more, very little more. That can't be the right way to say that.
Speaker 1:It's not going to show you a huge price increase, but it is going to have a huge function increase in your home, should anybody need to be on crutches or being a wheelchair.
Speaker 2:Or if you need to move furniture or if you need to move furniture. Let me tell you the difference in a 36 or 32 inch door, when you have to move chairs your bed.
Speaker 1:We have 32 inch doors and the crib still doesn't fit in and out.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, that is Love pottery barn, but the fact that the crib is like a 33 inch wide.
Speaker 1:That's standard, I know it's standard. It's not pottery barn so irritating. Like it is the standard safety for a.
Speaker 2:I have to take one side off to slide it through the door barely, yeah, which I hate, disassembling it just to move it in and out Because you don't have to do the bed Beds fit through, mattresses fit through.
Speaker 1:A bed does not fit through assembled, not if it has a headboard.
Speaker 2:Well, we don't have any headboards OK, but that is one headboard, that's not the same as saying a fully assembled bed fits through a door, but a bed would make it on an angle. You could swing it if you throw it up on its side.
Speaker 1:You can swing it through the door. I guess that's true. You're right.
Speaker 2:You're right, that's not a great way to move a headboard bed. No, that's a great way to break your bed and or headboard and or your door doorway but you can do it. That's the point the very little furniture you have to disassemble to get in and out of doors.
Speaker 1:Couches man.
Speaker 2:Yes, couches are you need? That's why they make a lot of exterior doors. That's not why they make a lot of exterior doors. Three feet, that was about to say that, guys.
Speaker 1:I'm not well, I was like no, I don't think that's why at all, but they actually make the exterior doors three feet so you can fit your couch in, and it's for couches.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's 75 years ago.
Speaker 1:They started Well you know, and this couch has got bigger. They made bigger doors and at our home we lived in before this one we had double doors on the front and that was the fanciest I've ever felt in my entire life.
Speaker 2:Double doors was the life for moving furniture. You could take a bed through their flat.
Speaker 1:It always felt so funny to me, though, to have double doors on the houses that you know what I mean. Like when I like I guess I just didn't have a lot of friends there weren't a lot of homes that I grew up going into that had double doors, and so, in my like idea, like that's one of those things you know when people ask, like, what are things that you think of when you were at a friend's house that, to you, felt like?
Speaker 1:Like rich or like fancy double doors was definitely. Yeah, Like that was dang. You have double doors, you know two doors.
Speaker 2:One of them probably doesn't work unless you unpin it, right? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I always thought that. And then, when we well, actually the first house we bought had double doors, but it was 1800 square feet, which was it was great, but it's not like it wasn't a.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a sprawling estate.
Speaker 1:No, it wasn't a huge home, but I loved the double doors on it. It was so functional.
Speaker 2:Oh they again. The best removing furniture, yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway. Then we went back to a normal door and it's been.
Speaker 2:We have the big doors in the back. We have the sliding doors in the back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're furniture options, but I just I love a double door. Yeah, it's good stuff. I don't know I should backtrack, because I adore our door Guys, I'm really into doors today. That's just what I want to talk about.
Speaker 2:Don't talk how I was fancy, but not.
Speaker 1:I think we just you think yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you ever think about how, all the different jobs out there, all the different pieces to the puzzle, all the different things that people do, like there's somebody whose entire gig is just doors?
Speaker 2:Like making doors.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Or like designing doors, like I bet there's just a door designer you think I feel like most of the designs are pretty well covered. You don't think anybody's out there designing new doors?
Speaker 2:Full time. I don't know, maybe like, maybe like a custom fabric Friend.
Speaker 1:I had his dad like designed polls.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like light poles, but not the light on top, just the pole part.
Speaker 2:Like I can see that being a thing If you're like having to choose what polls go where.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. Literally designing he designed the, the poles. That then got put in the thing that people like picked from when they were designing stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh OK. They're not like.
Speaker 1:You think that that's a thing, but that there's not somebody designing doors.
Speaker 2:I don't know, there probably is 100 percent there is. I mean, I thought I knew every single job in the world and listening to that, I thought I knew every single job in the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no. Yeah no, I can't say I've thought about it. But yeah, there's a lot of jobs Sometimes.
Speaker 1:I think about that and it makes me feel small Better.
Speaker 2:Better.
Speaker 1:Not small. It makes me feel like maybe I don't need to put so much pressure on myself. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'm glad it makes you feel that way. I don't understand why.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, I love that for you Well because I look around my room and I see all the different things in here and I see somebody designed that frame, somebody made that artwork, somebody grew that plant from seed or from a cutting you know like. Somebody designed the artwork on that book, somebody wrote that book, somebody was in charge of printing that book, somebody was in charge of binding that book, somebody was in charge of designing that chair. Somebody sells the fabric that's on that chair, somebody sells the stuff, like you think about all the different people that went into, all the different things that were surrounded by, and then I realize that I really don't matter that much and that makes me feel better.
Speaker 2:I get that feeling sometimes.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not taking up space is a feels like a good thing for me, so feeling small.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's not what I'm describing at all.
Speaker 2:No, I know it's not.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Everything's big, like everything's. You know there's a lot out there.
Speaker 1:Right. So my point is that it doesn't really matter how big you are or how whatever, because at the end of the day you're always kind of small.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, people are just people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's good stuff. Well, deep thoughts On that note bad dad mean mom, what do you have for us?
Speaker 2:Oh man Bad dad.
Speaker 1:Bad dad. I feel like there's been so many individual moments.
Speaker 2:Me, mom, dad tried to make a smiley face pancakes this morning that didn't go amazing Using a new smiley face mold that we got on clearance at Target for $3. It was an experimentation phase.
Speaker 3:She thought it was great. She thought they were pumpkins.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think if you did a different pan it would work.
Speaker 2:An electric skillet. I think would have been better than working over gas. Gas with pancakes is tricky.
Speaker 1:I think you need to do to like at some point the squeeze bottle where you like. Do your design and then you do the outline and then you fill it and whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're discussing like a pancake artisan.
Speaker 1:I think that sounds fun, like that sounds like a fun activity to do with the kids.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:Maybe when they're a little older, do you think you?
Speaker 2:make the pancake batter in bulk? Yes, just like. Keep it in the fridge? Yes, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:I think you make the pancake batter in bulk and then you put it into different bottles because they do like different colors, like they put drops of food coloring.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, I haven't necessarily seen the food coloring as much. Yeah, I've seen where they put it on at different times, so it browns more or less, and you can do that Like that is probably a healthier way to do it.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so you're a bad dad because you didn't do impeccable pancake art.
Speaker 2:Pancake art was mid at best. Today I got one pancake that looked pretty good, but then it tore right at the eye hole, so it looked all right.
Speaker 1:If you, I'm laughing too because neither of our kids eat like a whole pancake yet.
Speaker 3:No, we cut them up, both of our kids cut their food up.
Speaker 1:So, like you made these pancakes just to cut them up with like kitchen scissors, nah, G8 one.
Speaker 2:Oh, she did Okay, like a sandwich, basically Just taking bites out of it.
Speaker 1:That's funny. Yeah, mean mom. The thing I'm really struggling with this week as a mom is I left the kids overnight to go speak at a conference this weekend and I booked flights today for my longest trip away from the kids and you Not my longest trip away from you ever, but like, since having kids is what I'm saying, is it? Yeah?
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Can you think of a time? The longest I've been gone is three nights.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I guess this is longer than that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm going to be gone for four or five nights and I'm being really hard on myself about it. That's really not necessary, but I feel really bad and I think it's because I'm really excited about what I'm going to do. Like, I'm really excited, I think I'm going to have a lot of fun and I'm going to be with people that I really cherish and love, and I'm celebrating a friend who has had a huge accomplishment and it's been on the books for almost a year.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I'm really excited but also just really I don't know. I really grapple with that and I keep thinking to myself. My dad, who was the primary income in my household growing up, was gone like three or four nights a week, every week.
Speaker 2:Regularly.
Speaker 1:Most of my childhood and like he would leave for even longer stints than that. Normally he was home on the weekends.
Speaker 2:That wasn't uncommon Like I mean, it's still not uncommon.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Lots of people travel, a lot for work, but he traveled all the time and yet and the thing is I know because at multiple of my friends that I've expressed this too, because I'm really struggling with it, like I'm really in my head about it, and all my friends that have I've talked to were like confided in, have said back to me they're like oh, are you like nervous to leave Matt with the kids? Are you like nervous about not being there? And I don't feel that way at all.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Like Matt's got it. If anything, I think that the house might run even better when I'm not there.
Speaker 2:It's simpler when you're not here.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like, if anything, if you learn anything working from home with your kids, the less authority figures your kids have to respond to, usually the smoother things go. Like, if there's just one person like, let's say, a babysitter or nannies here, like they listen to that person and then they don't try and, you know, cross reference it with you and with mom, like, but the more people that are here, the more they're like let me go check with that person. Or like let me see if I can get everybody to come do something with me, as opposed to like, hey, this is who's in charge right now.
Speaker 2:And so yeah, no, that part goes smoothly. I mean, I already do bedtime a lot of times with the kids and so, and his bedtime is super simple.
Speaker 1:So Well, and I think that, well, I think that we, I'm gonna toot my own. Well, not toot my own horn, but I'm gonna throw my actions into the basket because I think we split bedtime, like you often do, like the end of the routine, but I normally do bath time PJs.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, like that whole side of thing. And in the morning I think we split a lot of our routines up. Like I do hair, I do brush teeth, I do all of those things. So when I am gone there is more on your plate because we're not splitting up the morning and evening. That's true, but what I will say is when I'm gone, I get so much more done, for I get a ton done.
Speaker 1:Yeah work wise, but anyway, it just I don't know that's. I feel like me, mom, I just I feel guilty leaving and I think my job, at least in this season, has been so much fun, Like genuinely so many of the things I'm doing are truly just. I feel so privileged to even get to do them, let alone get to do them and call it work, and there are parts of it that are, in fact, like work, work, but it's still I don't know. I just I struggle with that, yeah.
Speaker 2:I get that Makes sense, but we're gonna be fine, we're gonna do great.
Speaker 1:Well, I know I'm genuinely like I said. I'm not worried about y'all. I just like. I laid in bed last night and I was thinking to myself how I feel so strange as a mom not being the primary parent and like I'm way more involved than any dad I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. Do you know what I mean? You're still a mom, which is like a A to your dad.
Speaker 1:Like I would say that we are Matt and I are pretty 50-50 split. And something about that 50-50 makes me feel like I am really not doing what I'm supposed to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well that's. I mean that's kind of societally conditioned men have a minimal impact in women.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think about it, like I just said a lot, because when I'm feeling that way, I kind of like will list out what I do versus what you do, to kind of like give myself a look because I'm like in my head I don't know. Anyway, every time I listed out it turns out we're pretty 50-50, and that blows my mind because I feel like we're like 90-10. You.
Speaker 2:It's like it's just. I think some of the easier things to think about, like doing the sleeping part of bedtime and food, are really like low hanging fruit and really present to think about. But you do a lot of the prep stuff, a lot of the mental labor, run a lot of it too.
Speaker 1:I do the appointments, I do the clothes yeah, not the laundry.
Speaker 2:No, no, I mean I dress them, but sometimes, no, I meant like I stock their clothes, I go through, I put stuff into bins.
Speaker 1:I thrift for their clothing. I, like you're never having to think do we have the next size up in their clothing?
Speaker 3:Well.
Speaker 2:I do sometimes, but not nearly as much as you. You do that. You're the primary on that, for sure.
Speaker 1:You think that sometimes? Yeah, have you okay.
Speaker 2:I guess I'm confused, because I just kind of keep it like a mental inventory of what they have or what they might need. Yeah, like if there's something that I think we lack. But we're usually pretty good. We get a lot of things. We have a lot of things for me, sisters we have. We get sent things once in a while like PJs and stuff. We're usually like good on which is one of the bigger-.
Speaker 1:Little sleepies has been really kind and continually working with us, and that's been a huge privilege because we love their PJs and we have spent our own money and purchased a lot of their PJs, but they have also included us in a lot of special collections too, so that's been a bonus of our job for sure. Yeah, but I have. I've gotten a ton of their clothes secondhand.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That is-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have some great connections with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have some awesome moms in our area who sell their clothing from their kiddos secondhand and we have some awesome groups actually better closets for kids ships nationally. So if you follow that Instagram account, it is a local mom to my area but she takes clothing from all kinds of moms locally and then we'll price them and sell them through Instagram and she'll ship to you. So if you're looking for an easier, well, it's not easy. I shouldn't say that.
Speaker 3:Curated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more curated is what I would say, because what I will say is you have to be on there as she's posting stuff and you have to refresh and like, be ready to say I want that because it is very competitive, it's first come first serve.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I've gotten some awesome pieces that way for pennies on the dollar compared to what it would normally cost, and I really think that's the direction to go with kids clothes if you can unless it's a special occasion and you like wanna splurge on something just because, like she's wearing an outfit today and it has holes in the knees from her.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, they just get worn out. Kids are wild, they're tough on clothes. So, yeah, it's great if you can get-.
Speaker 1:I've gone a really weird direction. This podcast We've wandered all over. Okay, do you wanna do? Reads of the week. Reads of the week. Reads of the week.
Speaker 2:This is Greg's Reads of the Week. Greg's your dad. He reads a lot of news. He sends us a fair amount of that news. Yeah, he does and sometimes the articles give us anxiety, so we rate those, not the articles themselves, the titles of the articles. We rate them one to five. How?
Speaker 3:much anxiety.
Speaker 1:do they give us Article number one, the number one habit all highly resilient people have, according to a career expert?
Speaker 2:Two, two out of five.
Speaker 1:One out of five. I like articles like this. I find it very interesting and I-.
Speaker 2:You're better at taking constructive feedback than me, yeah.
Speaker 1:Significantly better. Yeah, actually stick a pin in that. And come back to the quiz we took last night.
Speaker 2:Oh, what quiz did we? Oh yeah, we took a. We have a little app that we take quizzes on about relationship stuff all over the map, but it was a. What was it called? It was growth mindset growth mindset quiz.
Speaker 1:And what? Okay, we're gonna go into it now.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Wearing a stick of pin in it.
Speaker 1:It's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, anyway, it was a growth mindset quiz and it turns out that you are 100% of our growth mindset. It was like a you were them, like you picked one or the other who most-?
Speaker 1:It was like who's gonna apply constructive criticism, who's gonna receive constructive criticism? Well, who's gonna think about the future? Who's gonna?
Speaker 2:None of it was me, absolutely none of it. And like it's not that I can't do any of those things, it's that you are much better and, like, much more suited, naturally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was gonna say I think I'm more inclined to, just based on my personality.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And like I just really like that stuff, Whereas I think for you you find it much more intimidating and much more. You have a lot more like freeze in you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, yeah, there's a lot more hesitation when it comes to that stuff. For me it was kind of funny. We were giggling, yes, but we got 100% of the answers correct, like the same On the quiz thing.
Speaker 1:We take a quiz every night and or most nights, and it like you both answer, and then it tells you how aligned you are, so-.
Speaker 2:Like how many questions do you agree on the answers to? And?
Speaker 1:there are a couple of different formats to it, Like on that one it was like we were answering all the same questions. On some of them I'll answer questions like for me and then I'll answer them for you, and then it like applies and sees how well we match up. And I always lose those and it frustrates me so much because Matt has such an unfair advantage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you communicate like what you think. Okay, I don't. So you're like I don't know what he thinks, so I have to guess at all these questions and I'm like, oh yeah, she's told me all of these things, so these are the answers.
Speaker 1:And that's like I win.
Speaker 2:No, you're really nice, I'm like no, this is not an indicator of like who's winning. It's like oh, look at you communicating better than me, but you're like why am I losing?
Speaker 1:I'm losing all of the time I lose all of them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's always my answers.
Speaker 1:I promise I'm listening.
Speaker 2:I know you are, I'm just not saying anything.
Speaker 1:Article number two man walked five miles to work until hundreds formed to make shift ride share service.
Speaker 2:Oh, I mean no anxiety, that's really nice.
Speaker 1:That's nice. Yeah, I like that. Okay, the last one for today is to live longer. Do these five things every day, says a neurologist and aging expert.
Speaker 2:Three.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like a three to five. But again, I like an article like that. I do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, sometimes they make me feel bad if I'm not doing any out of the five.
Speaker 1:Well, I think two.
Speaker 2:I just saw when it was take care of your health. Okay, that's.
Speaker 1:Manage stress. That's a little gentle Eat well, get active, stay positive. But I really do. Articles like that are both. They can be a stressor over the headline, but also sometimes I think it's good because I think we get really caught up in trying to do everything perfectly Correct and it's like if you're just overall generally pretty positive and like generally pretty go with the flow and like you know you work hard, it's gonna be pretty good. I feel attacked, you do.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:I was trying to attack you, so I'm glad that that came off. Exactly how I meant it, it came exactly perfectly, then you did it. Do you have a word of the week?
Speaker 2:Word of the week.
Speaker 1:Word of the week. Do you think out of the box is gonna come for me for doing that every single week 100%.
Speaker 2:They're gonna sue our pants off. I love the. They're gonna take this podcast for everything it's worth.
Speaker 1:I loved that show so deeply yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't really remember it.
Speaker 1:Oh, they would take the boxes, they would put them all together and then they would run around and see what's inside.
Speaker 2:Okay, sure, oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1:It was the best, truly Like they. Then the inside of the box fort looked incredible and I always wondered when I would take all the boxes and try to build my own box fort. Why it didn't look like their really cool studio box fort. It's crap, no.
Speaker 2:Are you familiar?
Speaker 1:with the word ulterior, like ulterior motives yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the one.
Speaker 1:Okay, yes.
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 1:it means Uh mm different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, things that are kept hidden to achieve a particular result hidden ulterior.
Speaker 1:I've only ever heard it as ulterior motives.
Speaker 2:That's usually what it's describing. Okay, or ulterior reasons, ulterior agendas?
Speaker 1:Nope, nope.
Speaker 2:Ulterior motives.
Speaker 1:Yes, ulterior motives Okay.
Speaker 2:Ulterior.
Speaker 1:How do I spell it?
Speaker 2:You.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh no.
Speaker 2:You were thinking ulterior, ulterior U-L-T-E-R-I-O-R, ulterior.
Speaker 1:Ulterior.
Speaker 2:Interior, but without in it's all.
Speaker 1:Okay, I my it always blows my mind how wrong I spell things, that's not your forte, it's not your gift. No, I'm so bad it's alright. It is.
Speaker 2:That's what spell check is for.
Speaker 1:Mm. Yeah, you know, I do think about how, if I would have existed, you know, even 50 years ago, without spell check or like a calculator in my pocket, uh-huh, I do feel like I'm pretty good at mental math actually.
Speaker 2:Now that I say that You'd be okay in math.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I could do that part, but the spelling You'd be the illegitimate. Yeah, I really would, I really would, oh well, you probably just get better at it, but yeah. Probably Are you ready for some voice mails.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's hear what you guys have to say.
Speaker 1:We also have a lot of emails. Yes, math's been sitting on emails for yeah.
Speaker 2:Like they, they get answered sporadically and then they kind of get put in as in, like we get to them as we can, and so we probably needed to do, like a catch up email kind of deal, an email episode coming soon, yeah, cause there's a lot of them, you guys, you guys write us.
Speaker 1:All right, voice mail first.
Speaker 3:Hi Joe, hi Matt, my name is Hannah and I am from Northwest Arkansas. I wanted to start off by saying thank you so much for your podcast. I think it is awesome and you guys bring me so much joy and I think y'all are really funny. Anyways, I wanted to give you some ideas for your podcast segments and I think they're really good, and if they're terrible, just forget about this. Okay, but I was thinking for Greg's read of the week. I think you guys have done like Greg Greg, greg Greg I think you guys have said that before and I really like that and I'd like to add like a WWE style sound to it, or maybe even little John.
Speaker 3:I mean, I really dig little John's. I think it'd be really cool. And then, for word of the week, you guys have also sung this part where it's like word of the week, word of the week, but I'm thinking for the sound side. You do some kind of sound and then after word of the week, you go so it's word of the week or something. I don't know. If this is absolutely terrible, just go ahead and delete the voicemail and we'll forget that it existed. It's fine, but if not, just let me know. No, we're going to put the voicemail in the podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm dying.
Speaker 1:Honestly, we should probably just pull the audio from that voicemail and we'll start using that.
Speaker 3:Good enough, Greg.
Speaker 1:Greg.
Speaker 2:So Bill Nye, the Science Guy, that's where that first one is stolen from. Yeah, and that you're suggesting a hybrid of Out of the Box, which we literally just discussed. And that was the Blues Clues noise. That was done really well, it was. That was really impressive yeah as someone who has played his child Blues Clues bedtime stories lately, that was a perfect blue.
Speaker 1:So yeah, we have a lot of work to do on those. Maybe one day we should just sit here at the setup and we should just try and shout out some intros and stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then Becca, our lovely editor, who we love with our whole hearts. Hi, becca, we love you, becca.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't feel bad if your voicemail doesn't like come off perfectly, because we have somebody that makes us not sound like we're completely lost all the time.
Speaker 1:And somehow we still end up sounding lost, which means yeah, but she makes it a lot better.
Speaker 2:I know that's what I'm saying, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not. That's not a critique on Becca.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:We love her, she, she makes it happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's working with what she's given.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is us which is unfortunately the ingredients here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're found Subpar at best yeah.
Speaker 1:All right emails.
Speaker 2:Emails. Yeah, again you got sent us a lot of emails, so let's work on this. Hi Joe, you're not weird by saying that you want your kids to have their own birth months. I think there's a whole lot, because my daughter's birthday is so close to mine, literally four days apart on top of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we're exactly four days apart too.
Speaker 2:But there's an August September break.
Speaker 1:Oh, late August, early September. Ok, I like that though.
Speaker 2:On top of that, my family is pretty big. We have a bunch of birthdays in September. I'm a big birthday person because I've had a few bad birthdays, so I throw myself into my daughter's birthday, or at least the actual day, because I want her to know that she's special and loved, especially on her birthday. She's only two, so as the years go on I hope I can make it special as I can. I guess this is a long winded way of saying your birthdays are special and you're not weird for wanting your children to have different birth months.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm big, that's like a huge thing for me. Yeah, I you don't care, I don't care, you don't get it.
Speaker 2:I don't get it, it's OK.
Speaker 1:But also like that's somewhere that you and I, like, fundamentally disagree, and never have you Brought any evidence to the table that's going to convince me. Like you don't care. But you don't care, I think, because you're dissociated from life Do you know what I mean? Like you don't have a good argument for why people shouldn't care. You don't care because you're like I don't care about anything, and I think that that fundamentally makes you a less fulfilled and happy person.
Speaker 1:I mean without a doubt, I don't know that I, you know, would argue that and so, because I have just won this argument, now you have to start saying you see the value in people having different birth months in our family. You're not in control. Say it, you can't see the value.
Speaker 2:I don't get it. No, like we're not in control of that. Like it like it happens.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? We're not in control of that.
Speaker 2:Okay, you have some control, like potentially, but things can unexpected, things can happen and like I don't know. I just don't put a lot of stock into it.
Speaker 1:I guess I'm not saying that if they end up with the same birth month, we're going to give them away. Yeah, no, like you're acting, like you're looking at the wrong end of the conversation. You're acting like people who have the same birth month need to feel less than, and they're horrible.
Speaker 2:No, they don't need to feel anything at all. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:And how's that going for you? It's got it. Would you consider yourself happy?
Speaker 2:That sound happy. That noise Was that good, did I pull it off?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was just like blues clues, honestly.
Speaker 2:Wow, I've seen more magic in birthdays since having kids, because pre-kids I was like what is a birthday person?
Speaker 1:Like I don't care that much about my birthday personally, like I think that we see eye to eye in that, but I still think that people having their own times to be celebrated Like it's like I think of my friends who's like.
Speaker 1:I have a very dear friend who's birthdays a couple of days after Christmas and she hates it. Like she's 30 and she hates it because people are always busy, they're always with family, they're always out of town. I think that that's a good example of how, like it doesn't have to be birthdays close together. It's about birthdays give an opportunity to carve out a special slice of time in which somebody is always prioritized. Sure, like I don't have high expectations of my birthday in that like I don't need theatrics, I don't need a big party, I don't all of that, but I do love to have a day where the people around me are like prioritizing. That I feel special, whether that's I get to sleep in, or I have breakfast made for me in the morning, or I go to lunch with friends. Like you know what I mean. It can be little things, but knowing that you have that time, that is being dedicated to you, whereas it's really hard to enjoy that if everything's all stacked up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yes, it is important to celebrate people going individually and distinctly. I get that. That makes sense.
Speaker 1:Another voicemail.
Speaker 2:Voice email.
Speaker 1:Here we go oh sorry, I knew what I meant. Yeah, I need your help.
Speaker 2:My husband and I have a toddler who'll be turning to this year. I'm self employed, running my own business. My husband is a manager of a company in position to set his own hours. When it comes to household duties, I would confidently say that, on top of my job, I handle 90% of them. Almost always, I'm constantly on the move, operating around everyone else's schedule but my own Not laughing at you, laughing at my wife, laughing at me. This means dishes, laundry, finances, grocery shopping, etc. My husband said on multiple occasions that doing these things wasn't programmed into him because he wasn't expected to do them when he was younger. He is 30 now. Been there If I need help with that.
Speaker 2:That misogynistic excuse. Try it. It's not a good idea. If I need help with anything in the house, I have to ask or tell him to do it. He asks all the time what do you need me to do? I always default to the answer nothing. As I stand in a kitchen with the sink full of dirty dishes in the house and a complete mess, I'm so frustrated with how he simply doesn't see that putting away the dishes would be a huge weight off my shoulders. I've found that having to explain these obvious chores over and over again is exhausting. This exhaustion has caused many disagreements. He always jumps to the answers of your mom. You'll always do more or put him in daycare so you'll have time, I have no idea how to handle these responses?
Speaker 2:What are your takes on the situation? Just take a deep breath for you.
Speaker 1:Read fair play together.
Speaker 2:Or watch the even start there.
Speaker 1:No, I think, read the book Well. I mean, you can watch the documentary, that's fine, but I think if you have a limited amount of time, spending an hour and a half watching the documentary isn't going to put any effective change into your life.
Speaker 1:No, no, but I do think it launches the idea somewhat palatably and some people don't like it like whatever, and I think a lot of people don't like it because the first two chapters three chapters are genuinely just reading off all the statistics and all of the things that back up the way our expectations of women have basically been way higher than our expectations of men forever, and so women always carry more. And it basically breaks down that point that he made that like well, your program to do it and I'm not, which is just not true. It's that women haven't had the option and men have, so, like he's choosing to not see those things or not learn how to see those things. Like he may very well not notice the dishes or not notice, but those are things that you can work on training yourself to see and notice and take care of, and it's not that women are more inclined to do those things.
Speaker 2:At the very least, you can make it a part of a routine, even if it's not something you individually value, if it's an important part of your household, like some of these things can be delegated to you.
Speaker 1:Like it's it's that was your argument when we first moved in together. It's been years Like I don't want this to sound like this is Matt now, because you would never.
Speaker 2:I would say I've grown a lot in this category.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think, I don't even think. Since we've been married, you would have said this. But when we initially moved in together and we've lived together now for eight years, seven, eight years- Something like that when we initially moved in together and I was trying to get Matt to take part in chores within the house which you had, some that you were really good at doing and others that you weren't Still still that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, matt said to me he's like well, I just don't, that's not important to me and it's important to you. So, like you know, like if you weren't here I just wouldn't do that and I, my head literally exploded off my body.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've had a lot of these arguments you're describing.
Speaker 1:I think it's really common.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's super common. I think it's really common because I think culturally like men literally get away with anything. Yes.
Speaker 1:For the most part. Like I'm not saying it's all households, I'm not saying all men, whatever, but even like I think that you were raised by a mom who had a lot of expectations of you, you learned a lot of things many men don't. You have a lot of household labor skills and a lot of household labor, like eyes, like you see a lot of things that other people don't and you still, like, we're now in a situation where, like, we both work, but I would say Matt works part time and I work full time.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:And our household labor is still split. I don't want you to get upset. I'm going to say 60, 40.
Speaker 2:Okay, which way you yeah, you way Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say 60, 40. And that includes the mental labor, the appointments, the finances the like all of that back end stuff. Now, that does not include our kids. With our kids I would say we're maybe 60, 40 the other way, or pretty 50, 50.
Speaker 2:Yeah, depends on the day. Yeah, it depends on the day. I mean all of these things fluctuate day to day.
Speaker 1:Never does it lean 60, 40, not never, I guess, but for the most part it very rarely runs 60, 40 my way with our kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I would say it's either equal or Matt's taking on a little extra so that I can have a little more space to finish work and stuff.
Speaker 2:Think back to the part time thing. That's a big part of it. Well right.
Speaker 1:And that's kind of the point that I'm making is, like you just heard me say Matt like Matt probably puts in two full days of work labor a week, like for our jobs I do five to six days of work labor a week for our jobs.
Speaker 2:And maintenance stuff every day.
Speaker 1:And maintenance stuff yeah.
Speaker 2:Like social media, you're showing up in some capacity, I'd say every day.
Speaker 1:I was thinking more of like yeah.
Speaker 2:Deliverables emails. Yes, that's what I was thinking of. Yeah, actual organization type stuff, you're right. No, you do. That's a big part of it, though, yeah, that I had to learn to see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and yet Matt hasn't. Even though I think that we have a really even split and it's something we really work at, I still carry more, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 1:I still feel guilty.
Speaker 1:It's like what I talked about earlier I still feel guilty for not doing enough, and so I don't think that's uncommon.
Speaker 1:My best suggestion is, like I really liked fair play because, even though we don't operate by the system, like having something laid out with an entire system of like mental labor, like pre-work, actual physical labor, complete and like who those tasks belong to, when you have somebody like your husband who says, well, I don't see it, it doesn't, like it's not important to me, like you're more inclined I wasn't raised that way Like nobody can argue with a chart.
Speaker 1:You know, no, like these are your chores, this is what you do, you know, and if you don't do it, it's nobody's fault but yours because that was your assigned task, both the mental labor and physical labor of that. Or maybe it's like mom's job to do the mental labor of something and dad's job to do the physical labor, or vice versa. You know, yeah, like we definitely have that. Like I have signed G up for all of her activities and things like that for the summer and fall. And I don't think Matt's like given that a second thought, because we've discussed it and he knows that I am going to do it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, I mean, he's a manager. This is digestible stuff for him Like assigning roles and assigning responsibilities. I mean, I think that's really the gist of fair play, though is laying out truly all of the work, and a lot of it is not visible, like the mental labor side of things is very much undervalued, by men especially. So yeah, we've, but you know there's one or two whole podcasts on this.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, we did, we did yeah.
Speaker 2:We did some pretty extensive podcasts on this early Somewhere yeah. At the beginning, you're right 15, 20, somewhere in those episodes. We did two episodes on this, but the gist of it is it's about showing all of the work that goes into raising a family and being able to see that and even if it's not something you're inclined to do, it's still important that it gets done.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's made our relationship so much better because I think you are so much more aware of all the things I'm juggling.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Because there were a lot of things that as we went through that Matt has always like. I think in your mind it was like well, calling the vet for an appointment, no big deal.
Speaker 1:Oh calling the pediatrician for an appointment, no big deal. Oh, calling to do whatever, no big deal. And then we had an issue with the IRS, like with something not like right on the back end, and we got a letter in the mail that had the number that you had to call and Matt had to call. And how many hours did you spend?
Speaker 2:And that was tragic.
Speaker 1:At the end of that. I feel like that was one of your first like realizations of like, oh, these things that I've been writing off as like. Well, all she did was X? Y's not that you would ever say that but the way that you were talking in your head is like you know no big deal. And then all of a sudden you were like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like I've valued a lot of that before, but we both just hate calling people.
Speaker 1:I don't.
Speaker 2:No, you don't dislike it I did a long time ago.
Speaker 1:That's something that my family definitely has a running joke about, because I wouldn't call to order pizza when I was a kid, but I don't as an adult. It hasn't bothered me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm still not great at it.
Speaker 1:That's why a lot of times like when all that happened and it wasn't. That's why I was like I can do it, it's okay.
Speaker 2:That was more like I was on hold for like an hour and then they dropped my call. Then I called back and it was too late. And then I called back the next day, waited over an hour, dropped my call again, and that's when I lost my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that was great.
Speaker 1:It was not good.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's just like through some of those things, I feel like your eyes have been opened to how much goes into a lot of those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's the same thing with photography, like when I was doing that. I feel like we don't question the labor of a lawyer, a doctor, a nurse, a teacher. That's not true.
Speaker 2:We question the labor of a teacher a lot. Yeah, there's this assumption that when you go home there's no work and that teaching isn't so.
Speaker 1:I actually retract that statement. I do think we question the labor of a teacher but there are a lot of jobs out there that we do not question the labor of, and then there's a whole array of jobs that we like to belittle and speak ill of. I think of musicians, a lot of things in the arts, a lot of things in entertainment a lot of creative fields, we really diminish a value, and it's the same way with labor that's primarily done by women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And the funny thing is is like this huge importance gets placed on like, well, oh well, I go to work and I do this thing and honestly, that's really straightforward. That means you have no other distractions, like you have this super focused time to like focus on yourself and on the job, and so that means you're not having to juggle a lot of different things. That's the exact opposite of operating a household, like there's moving pieces all the time and things that you have to remember and it's very complicated. So, yeah, the whole, what is it? The domestic labor, what is it called?
Speaker 1:again, what do you mean?
Speaker 2:The whole it's. There's a term for it that I'm sure we used and defined in our podcast on it Domestic labor. Domestic labor. Is that the right?
Speaker 1:word for it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, the split in domestic labor is a big thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's like way heavy women. Yeah, like that's the big thing. So you can watch the documentaries on Hulu.
Speaker 2:I think Hulu, I think.
Speaker 1:And it's really interesting. So in most relationships now both parents are working, like there is a steep decrease in single income homes, just because it's not attainable?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's not attainable with what things cost now. So both parties are working and yet women still maintain a very large percentage of the household labor. And it kind of breaks down into detail about that and like it was interesting how many. It broke it down by race, I believe, if you remember right. And the majority of relationships, women were actually the higher earners in the relationships today, yeah. Today and still do the primary, like it's just interesting. So anyway.
Speaker 2:Women do it all. Men just go to work and come home Is the gist of it. But again, the system itself is actually laid out in the book, so there's a lot more constructive things in there. I do think the documentary does a decent job of like highlighting the issue and explaining it, but not a lot of like. Here's the measures to go through, so hopefully we answered that sufficiently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we'll get into emails, maybe next if you guys want send us a DM or whatever, but we'll try and hit a bunch of the emails that are unread in next week's episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, let's power through a bunch of these because we're slow. We are slow, we're trying to answer them way too thoroughly. We don't have lots to say, I guess.
Speaker 1:But we love you guys. We hope you're having a great week. Subscribe rate review.
Speaker 2:Do the podcast though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, talk soon.
Speaker 2:Bye.